@charlesperr
Would obviously have to know a lot more about you, so just spitballing here:
You mention you've been to therapy: what sort? What were the goals of the therapy? What was the experience and background of your therapist? Someone with experience in marital issues isn't going to necessarily be good at helping someone who isn't finding connection.
Have you asked the people you've hooked up with? A few years ago I was pretty stuck in my career growth and the best piece of advice was to ask people - both ones I trust and ones I'm dubious about - what they thought about certain things about myself ("Do you think I'd be good at X, why or why not?") in a structured and open-minded way. It was a pretty enlightening experience. Challenging, but led to a lot of growth. Perhaps something similar could work here: ask your ex partners why nothing more was ever established. Or ask people you were interested in / hoped something could come about, why nothing ever did. You could hear anything from, "I didn't know you were interested" to "You always seemed to busy for the the type of relationship I wanted" to who knows what. But these are people who actually interacted with you.
Keep in mind that your actions are perfectly designed to get the results you're getting. You need to change your patterns of behavior. Obviously Grindr is not a dating app, and while it's not impossible to find a partner there, it's not likely most peoples' goal. Don't use Grindr or other hookup apps for 3 months. Do a lot more low-stakes, getting-to-know-you interactions (coffee, walk, socialize) and if they push for sex first or early, filter them out. Also be explicit early that you're interested in dating. Lots of guys (in my view) will lean towards hookup absent any other guidance. Being explicit about your goals will filter out bad matches early. Your 'miss' ratio will go way up, but it's the only way to make actual relationship progress.
Also, something about your selection criteria is off. For whatever reason, you're selecting "fuckbois" not "relationship material". Start selecting more for what you're professing interest in. The hottest 25 year old probably isn't looking to settle down (obviously exceptions apply, but again, we're talking about your bad filtering here). Try engaging with people that you might not have in the past. Prioritize other things than attractiveness (or whatever your prioritizing now). I'm not saying go out with every fuggo out there, but someone who is maybe a "meh" will grow because they're engaging, funny, and quality relationship material. And then follow up with these guys. "Hey coffee was fun but I think we want different things" or "Coffee was fun, want to grab dinner this weekend?"
So the "what's wrong with you" is the behavior isn't leading to the desired result and you keep repeating the same behavior. Change the behavior, change the result.
