@dadesnine It's just a convenient word to describe my situation, because I'm literally involuntarily celibate. I do not care about their rhetoric and do not visit their communities (tried, once, several years ago, after hearing the word for the first time, but got bored in about 5 minutes and quit).
Alas, I tried to see several therapists - they didn't know what to do and just talked about some vague things like shame, failing to elaborate when pressed, tried to get a hobby or something, which drained the last bits of interest from my life, and tried to start meeting people - this ended in a disaster, mostly.
When you're covered in boils, and the doctors just shrug after 8 years of futile attempts to cure you, you begin to see speeches about not giving up and finally finding someone as an elaborate trolling. Don't see how big and proud gay comminuty can help with that - people are people, and avoiding such things is a rather reasonable instinct which I cannot judge.
The few gay Muslims that I met, even fewer has a family that supported them. I really feel that as a precaution, make sure you have your finances and living situation solid, in the event that your coming out don't go so well.
In most instances I would say no. It's part of someone's private life.
I would only be tempted with someone who acts against the interest of LGBT+ people as some kind of internalized homophobia. And mostly I would try out them to themselves, and see if they can get help dealing with it.
my thing now is i make not so subtle statements indicating to it like if they ask if i have a girlfriend i say "no, but i also dont have a boyfriend". because rarely do people can upfront ask you "hey are you gay?" in a professional work setting
True, If a man is straight, I don't think they will be turn on, but it's different for a straight woman. My female co-workers doesn't flinch when i let them watch a few minutes of gay men porn and stay away if it is w2w or straight porn.
I have been very lucky because I didn't lose any friend (real friend, I mean) when I came out to them. They accepted me in the same way as before knowing I was gay.
The curious thing is that I "lost" some acquaintances who didn't accept me being gay. Obviously I did not even worry about them because they were not really friends and they showed that they were not my friends because they stopped talking to me when I said I was gay.
Curious about people's stories.
Has anyone actually "converted" someone who was supposedly straight?
That being said, "converted" can be iffy as usually they were gay to begin with. ;D
i seriously dont think is any converting going on..more than likely he is living the straight life and decides to try out the other side of sex which is gay sex–then he realizes that he loves gay sex and been lying and hiding it from others because he didnt want to be called a queer--or fag or whatever--
i know guys that have sex with both male and female and hate being labeled gay or straight or even bisexual--and i agree with them--the world is so hooked up in labelling everything--that we begin to wonder what category we are in instead of knowing who we are
I am stuill in the closet and it is very hard fior me.
in what ways is it hard for you to come out–be more interesting as to know why its hard to do--i will say this never coming out of the closet means you will never be able to be yourself--i dated a guy that been married for 15 years had 2 sons and decided to no longer lie to himself about his sexuality-he lied to keep the piece in his family and didnt know how friends would react and all--same thing everyone else has to go through when coming out--
i know a guy same age as me--so scared people he works for and know other than people that arent around his circle of friends- and he never been with a guy--but yet he has a selection of toys locked in a safe in the wall like a person would do with thousands of dollars--and to this day he never been with a guy except for blowjob all because he is afraid to come out
so let know why its so hard for you to come out so we can talk more about it
sometime feeling quite nervous when think of this topic
i grew up i guess with a family/parents that didnt worry about their sons sexual preferences–my teen years i went to school went home then went to friends houses and then sometimes they would come to my place--i would be upstairs in my room with someone door shut and no one bothered us while we were doing whatever we were doing----middle school a friend of mine and i must been seen doing stuff so guys in class mostly during gym class and between classes they would show me their asses and say wanna lick my ass or flash dicks and say they want to be next and i never understod that until my friend told me we were caught doing it and now they are picking on us---
as got older graduating from school and finding a job and i would go out to places ---i didnt drink but still went to bars to find someone--and we went to my place- which at this time i still lived with my folks--and my mom forgot to knock on the door and there i was getting pounded--she never said a word--
so basically for me i am saying i never really was in the closet--i just was who i was and my family and few friends accepted me for it--
The only advice I can give you, guys, from my personal experience is to always be yourself and to always trust that the people who love you right now will love you when you come out. If someone changes his/her mind, it is just because he or she didn't really love you.
And also do not feel pressed to come out. Each of us has found the appropriate moment to come out. You will know when it is the best time to do it.
There is a comedy show that made fun of this, it’s british I think where the mother of the protagonist hosts a lesbian-coming out party, when in reality she’s faking it to avoid her mother finding her a husband. I think it’s called Miranda.
it appears me being gay crushed her dreams, she cant even say the word gay. I'm so frustrated with her! how did you handle fussy parents?
Don't take it personally. This is her issue, hopefully with time she will understand that she should love you for all your similarities and differences. This isn't your fault. I hope that things got better for you.
The whole point about coming out is opening ourselves to let others inside a previously hidden part of us.
By that definition, we also invite rejection and avoidance.
As long as you're not harming others (by having a double life, say), the only metric you should use is how comfortable and free you are with your life decisions.
If you find yourself enjoying a more subdued life without being out and proud, then by all means, you do you.
At the same time, I find myself questioning the idea that being out in any way = being shoved in a certain box and treated accordingly. I don't think you're giving your friends enough credit.
By you coming out you can prove to the people around you that you shouldn't be "shoved in a certain box" the more people come out the more we can break those stereotypes. I am certainly not a stereotypical gay man and I have even had people say that I wasn't what they expected.