Eridanos – Good advice, Eridanos. You already know that, but the more Thumb's Up remarks you get for it, the more it might be noticed and be put to good use.
My feeling is that most people who have not gotten laid have some kind of hangup about it. Best book EVER is out of print, by the late Albert Ellis, a blunt- (crude-) talking advocate of any kind of sex that turns you on with a willing partner. That would be Sex and the Single Man, which argues forcefully in favor of seduction, taking someone's virginity for their own good without feeling guilty about having "ruined" them. How to have fun wife-swapping.
These days, gotta keep saying he's not into rape, etc., but if you are a young man who needs to feel okay about getting your first fuck or giving someone theirs, Ellis, Ph.D., is The Man. Also check out his Sex Without Guilt.
On the other hand, Homosexuality, Its Cause and Cure is a product of its ignorant times and could be maybe written an authorized today by the Republic*nt legislature of North Carolina and other former Confederate states still pandering to bigots and advocating nullification of laws they don't like (the US Constitution, for example). But, as usual, I digress.
Yeah, Sex and the Single Man is premised on the notion of men getting it on with only the appropriate sex men use for breeding and pleasure, so that his permissive manifestos rule out same-sex love and same-sex physical release, but you can ignore that part knowing that eventually he got over it.
His main point is that sex is good and good for you. Masturbation is not harmful and is good and good for you. Having as many partners as you like is good and good for you. Even if they are married to someone else. He believes that sex is just sex and all the barriers and inhibitions are garbage. As I said, he eventually even noticed he was still carrying and promoting some garbage of his own. But as a bracing and eye-opening defense of doing what comes naturally to the libido, he is as liberating as anyone since, oh, I dunno, maybe Ovid.
Once you get over the idea that it would be Terrible (terrible, terrible, terrible) if anyone knew you were aware of having a dick and wanting to use it, were willing to use it without shame or guilt, did not feel you needed to flee to a confessional to tell some capon priest all about doing what he is forbidden to do.... Then you can start looking for potential partners.
And once you get over the idea that it would be terrible if anyone knew you were aware of having a dick and wanting to use it, were willing to use it without shame or guilt, did not feel you needed to flee to a confessional to tell some capon priest all about doing what he is forbidden to do.... Then you can start looking for potential partners.
And if you want love first, then go where you can find candidates for love. Bars, for instance. Lots of strait dudes have an active bachelor period in which they at least tell themselves they are auditioning candidates for LTR possibilities. And many horndogs are just happy to get a free blowjob, NSA, at some adult bookstore (ABS) gloryhole or sauna. Either is better than the danger of cottaging, using a "tearoom."
Once the Rubicon has been crossed, the mystery and magic of the great but fake Taboo can have a lot of benefits. Once, maybe still, puberty first presented a teen boy with expected dating behaviors with girls, constrictions that may even last into marriage. Now, options are greater and easier to explore and you can take advantage of the progress made in most of the country (at least in the US).
Since most of us (I think this is true) have most of their first sexual fantasies about friends and celebrities who are or are believed to be str8, such normal attractions no longer need to be a limitation. Without access to porn, one can notice baskets on swimmers, bulges on athletes, the abs of classmates and convex curves of men all unconscious of their innocent allure. Or perhaps an appeal not even esp. innocent, but accented by means of some "come hither" advertisement.
Women like a nice butt, which strait dudes mostly are unaware of and never think of as a sexual attraction, though they may enjoy at least fantasizing about the appeal of their burgeoning cock and ball appendages. It used to be that you could get through the virgin years of shameful lust and dangerously lurid longing on the perfectly valid theory that "straits are so naive," as young me was helpfully informed when that was true salvation.
Now, though, even when someone knows you are looking, they may not be resentful. Just saw a story about Mickey Rooney, who was a hunky eyeful in his teen years and eventually a serious pussy-hound, turning down an advance by Rock Hudson. Rooney "surprised but not offended" because "I like girls. I thought everybody knew that."
This is not to recommend coming out before you are squared away and prepared to deal with the consequences. Just saying that same-sex attraction is part of broader cultural change. Also, too, at least through college years, hets can fool around under the guise of horndog experimenting and "boy was I drunk."
You only have to see the videos of enlisted US Marines, sailors, and other active military who seem to feel they are macho enough not to be threatened if some queer wants to suck their macho mean and enjoy satisfying a "real man." Similarly, surfers and skaters and other young, comfortably secure, sexually insatiable and confident dudes can take advantage of the services available (if they can find them), and are perfectly capable of performing -- often in more than solo ways -- for some quick cash either in very private life (quick money to take out the gf for some more desirable action) or for paid videos.
It does sometimes seem that a tectonic shift is taking place so that pep talks and arguments from a shrink like Ellis are not so much needed as they once were. Which returns me to the point that more and more sex is being incorporated into acceptably normal human behavior, and both men and shock women are assumed to enjoy satisfying their inherent needs.
I just saw a 1972 television detective show where someone casually referenced having a vibrator. "Vibrator." Likely that got passed by ignorance censors as some meaningless word not worth thinking about, in the same way that Dashiell Hammett got away with calling someone a "gunsel" in The Maltese Falcon. Everyone thought the term meant some kind of gunman. In fact, that misunderstanding was so pervasive that the slang term is still often used that way. Don't trust me on this-- look it up. Not nearly as benign and inoffensive a term as "vibrator."
Hmm. Wandered all over the map again. Since I cannot personally help a poster who does like Jeptha's Daughter in the Buy Bull and "bewails" his virginity, though many kind souls right here would likely be willing to sacrifice themselves to take away the problem in person, maybe I just like thinking about the issue.
And remembering my own innocence, of course. dirty snicker Yeah, I can still remember. "Only the young die good."
Rambling on, it occurs to me that those seriously attracted to other men are more likely to resist the kind of camaraderie that straits don't think twice about. Ahahaha!
Goosed you good. Ahahahah! That towel snap really got you that time. Hey, it's boring out here in a combat zone -- let's camp up some musical videos for our girlfriends. In fact, let's do a whole gay act. That will be hilarious!
Check YouTube for how that works out. An all those jocks covering "gagnam style."
For heaven's sake, if str8s relish boner service from some queer eager to provide it, sometimes hitting new orgasmic records they have not neared from unskilled or lackluster attempts from disinterested women, then if a dude refuses to indulge because it will "mean" something, it's a matter of self-esteem and self-confidence, not even failing to find a volunteer on Craig's List. If all else fails, there are men who will pay to swallow yr semen just as some women will get you off for pay.
And all that is not only enough, but way too much. Best of luck to all the dudes still working on a way to get some satisfactory action.
