I can't resist contributing to this discussion because although I've been interested in SMWHSWM topic for a long time, my curiosity begs to know more about it.
So right out of the bag people start saying labels are useless and restrictive etc. I couldn't agree more, but the title says "straight" which is every bit a label as "Gay" "queer" what ever people are identifying as these days.
I only have anecdotal evidence for you today. I'll use myself as an example I came out as being gay early in high school trying to own the fact that I knew I was more secure being a little different. These days if someone asked if I were gay, I would probably say yes, but only because it makes that discussion go easier, and then we can go back to life. I've been aroused by women but it's incredibly rare and far between and the few sexual events I've had with exclusively women felt very unsatisfying. For this reason, I find it easier to tell people that I'm gay, as opposed to "mostly gay" or "kinda sorta bi sometimes." I have romantic and emotional feelings for men and women both, but stronger for men, so far this is all lining up.
But then I want to address the idea that a horny guy will fuck anything (for example straight needs to fuck, will fuck a guy). I am willing to believe that this is somewhat true, but the idea is so incredibly foreign to me. It doesn't matter the gender of my partner, if I don't have this affectionate, emotional attachment, I can't perform ( and don't want to). Due to these reason, I get sex from boyfriends, or long time friends, and it's gratifying but trying to find someone on an app or website, or a rendez vous with a stranger just doesn't arouse me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of people that can have more casual sex, or don't mind what gender they are sleeping with. They make it seem like it's fun and rewarding (and easy to find?), and I don't feel any of those things in the few one-nighters I've had.
I need to talk more about this casual sex idea. I recently was talking with a group of men, and multiples said that they hadn't masturbated since teenage/ early adulthood. This seemed odd to me, cause if I feel like masturbating when I get home from work well.. I'm going to! Anyways so I ask them, to explain, and they said that at a certain point in their life, they just were always going out to meet women, or had fuck-buddys or whatever, and that when they were horny they would go find a person to fuck. This baffles me, because while I think both masturbation and romantic/emotional intercourse are amazing, I would definitely much rather touch myself than go through all the trouble of finding someone to shoot my load into(if all I'm looking for is that release). Sounds like a lot of effort and money, and socializing. What if you are horny so you go out to a bar or club, and you strike out, or no one of interest is there whatever, it's last call, lights come on and suddenly (because you don't masturbate) you need to find someone that will help you get off before you are asked to leave the bar… When I proposed this hypothetical to the guys, they said that they would rather take someone to screw, that they were not attracted to, before they would go home and jerk themselves to sleep (lol). I struggle wrapping my mind around how a person can even fuck another person if they are not attracted. I've given it a shot a couple times and had no luck in this regard. maybe "luck" isn't what I should call it...
writing all this, portrays me as if I have some diminished libido which seem inaccurate, only that I get arousal from affectionate, emotional, and romantic endeavors, instead of the fuck til your dick is raw style other prefer..
(Sexuality is a spectrum right?)
A poster here talks about having sex with another man because his wife is not enjoying anal intercourse. That's fine, and I agree that I wouldn't much call that "Gay" because it seems that the arousal came from the fetishized nature of anal intercourse. In this case I can see why gender would not matter, as all genders seem to be fully equipped with anuses.
=]
So one of my neighbors is bi, and he is married and has kids, but we still fool around sometimes, and while we aren't seeing each other romantically, or anything, at the same time, there is a weird emotional romantic element to it. We are comfortable talking about our love for each other, but sometimes I wonder if it's accurate or if he just likes being railed from behind, as he has his wife wear strap-ons too. Again.... labels aren't helping me make this point.
so SMWHSWM are they really straight or are they something else? My only answer to that, is: I don't care, but I feel sad for them that they feel the need to clarify their sexual orientation. If you are looking for homosexual relations of any kind, who gives a fuck what your orientation is. Who you pound (or get pounded by) does not define you. Although I will concede, to what another poster said about "if the guy is straight I want to fuck with him more..." I totally relate to that, I have fantasies about straight guys, but at the heart of it all, the fantasy isn't that I want to sleep with someone who has no attraction to me, the fantasy is really about, having something seemingly unattainable or taboo.
oops my two cents is up.
