@leatherbear:

COMMUNICATE both verbal and non verbal and a good time will be had by all involved!!!

I'd like to reinforce what LB is saying here:  Good sex requires communication, even if he's your BF/partner and you've done it together a thousand times.  Although I like porn (don't we all, or we wouldn't be here!), I think it's unreal to have guys screwing away with no communication about what they like/want/don't like/don't want/etc.

As a top for the last ten years who started out as a bottom, I think the guys you meet who have loose, floppy arses that don't stimulate your cock are probably trying too hard to relax–they've mastered that [relaxation] technique very well, and just need to be asked to clamp down a bit.  After all, they are able to tighten up when avoiding a bowel movement!

For guys who are "too tight" and in pain, they're on the other side of this situation:  They need to learn to relax their sphincter.  But this is not intuitive for many guys–relaxing the sphincter is usually associated with taking a shit, and that's not something a guy--especially a novice--wants to do in the middle of sex.  But if he's empty and clean inside (which we hope is the case), nothing will come out.  I remember one college guy who had so much trouble relaxing this way that I led him into the bathroom, had him sit down on the loo, and try to shit.  When he saw that nothing would come out regardless of how much he relaxed and even pushed, he was more confident about relaxing in bed and we had a great time.

A final note:  One time I hooked up with a bottom who had a genuinely small arsehole.  He relaxed completely, enjoyed immensely getting fucked, but it was so tight around my cock that I'm the one who was in mild pain--I kept putting on more lube, but it was still too tight.  I was happy when he finally came so I could pull out, and then he finished me off with his mouth.  But this guy is the exception rather than the rule, and no, I don't still have his phone number  😉

I tend to agree mostly with the statement - "point of obsession by nearly all mankind" I mean who can live without it?

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Hi Anon, to be honest with you i don't think it's to do with either telling him and risking the loss of a friendship, or, keeping your feelings inside and bottling them up.  It is more to do with having to tell yourself that those feelings have to go, not bottle them, but to dismiss them.

It's very easy for me to say this as I have had the benefit of many years experience. I also except that when one has feeling they are often very difficult to put in the back of ones mind but from what you have told me, either of the options you mention are probably of no use to you.

If you can learn to accept that you simply cannot have this guy in any other way except as just friends - learn to accept this and feel any sadness that this may bring, then surely this is more healthy for you than to either risk destroying your friendship or beating yourself up by harbouring feelings.

If there's a next time, eat mustard - that will always work.

@Adorabledude:

Dude I was the Football jock and a guy with a crush many times in my life… Just learn from this. If you make friends and hang with a "str8" guy, then know thats just what your doing... Your hanging with a friend. I'm not saying that something might not happen but stay real. Dont be the guy thinking it's a date, while the other guy thinks it's a beer. I lost so much time on this... it's going to be hard but you will be fine!! 😎

I agree, as I agree with many of the other posts here. I wish I had the good sense when I was your age to have asked for advice like how you did. It will be hard, and you will lose a lot of time thinking about him and guys like him, but as Adorabledude points out, you'll be fine! 🙂

D

from a bisexual, these are the possibilities:

1. he is thankful that finally he has a close friend to hang out with who would understand his being half-gay. in my experience it is harder for a bisexual to find gays and straights to accept us. the gays would think we are all in denial and the straights would live in fear that if we would not snatch their girlfriends, we'd definitely molest them or something!

(sorry for using the words "snatch" and "girlfriend" in the same sentence in a gay forum… LOL)

i think he's just basically thankful to finally have someone to talk to about gay/bi stuff.

2. he could be just joking. i have more straight friends than gay/bi friends and they tend to joke a lot about these things when they are already comfortable with you.

majority of the times, they don't mean it seriously.

the open-minded straight guys even have a lot of questions about gay/bi people (albeit, most of those questions seem stupid to us)

3. he could be attracted to you and was lightly flirting with you or giving you enough hints to see if you like him too without sounding/appearing like a desperate man-slut!

these are just the possibilities that i can think of.

the wrong thing for you to do is to assume any one of these and act accordingly.

the right thing to do and the decision that will not damage your friendship would be to talk to him about it.

well i never
but filthy sex is good with anybody…..
geeks - like scientists can be absolutly filthy as hell - it is so hot
doctors too and plasterers and friut sellers in the street market -

why stereotype your look - if it's filthy sex you desire.....