Interesting chart, except most of my straight friends (more than 10%) said they would prefer not seeing gay sex (male-male).

Then again, saying what they prefer and actually meaning what they say are two different things.

Still, I would not want to seduce my straight friends, even if they act as if they can be persuaded.

When I meet someone new and we start with oral sex, I always insist on a condom..

I say let people do what they want.

It's common now days for married women to keep their maiden name. My nieces use both the surname of the father and their mother depending on the circles they move in.

If some gay men want to adopt the name of their partner so be it. Maybe they can bring new meaning to the convention. Rather as a form a patriarchal submission, it might indicate a level of personal sublimation or alteration of a selfhood which is all about something else. It might mean many things including simply imitating an established convention but does it really matter ?

The whole pincer movement of appropriating equal access to the marriage ceremony and it's status is in some sense a long called for levelling off of common ground. The initial focus isn't so much in diversifying it but simply in having access to it. I suspect we need to spend time with that for a bit without being so self concious.

tzz

I wouldn't be too hard on yourself - you obviously want to move on.

Real but not fatal abuse has an edge to it. It can be exciting and incredibly sexually charged. Seems like you've had a preference for receiving real abuse over 'managed' and 'consensual' abuse. The two are not really the same thing at all, the second is careful to remove the danger which the first thrives off.

Moving into consensual and recreational abuse is really a hall mark of maturity and you most probably will thrive in such a crowd. You'll find it mixes the D thing you like with an ability to nurture respectful and loving open relationships. You could well meet the partner you seek in such a milieu. Occasionally i've ventured into such a world by attending nite clubs and theme nites. It works well as like tend to seek like. Generally a well adjusted lot. With some I found the s/m routines a bit cliche, dressie and lacking the verve of real abusive relationships. But with others i saw, largely through a like minded sense of understanding,  how there was a place I could go and negotiate some of my own rules safely. I did that for a while in Germany. it was quite addictive for a time - a new buzz - a lot of possibilities - but much more manageable than the quiet violent intimacy and personal devastation i experienced through passionately abusive affairs with head cases.

this book available on this website

https://www.gaytorrent.ru/details.php?id=f38717f4795519ecf7d688b3c7b8503bd04014edf811fd03

No one really knows what you are going through. Remember it's not his fault that he is autistic, not to guilt yourself into staying, but to leave him the best way you know. No one should judge you for it. He is lucky to have you the last 3 years. Good Luck

@raphjd:

The person IS NOT on this site, at least not that I know of.   As I said in the opening post, he's the admin of a politics discussion site.    I've "internet known" him for about 15 years and he's always proclaimed to be a gay man.   He's long had some weird ideas.

OH - I guess that makes a difference.  And the results of the poll pretty much says it all doesn't it.

BTW - when I posted that ranting, I did not realalize it was such an OLD posting and poll.  So now I kind of feel like a fool for ranting so harshly on a 4+ year old topic.  :blind:

@raphjd:

Asparagus cum is the worst.  :puke:

YES, diet does affect cum taste.

Yes I've heard. Luckely I've never encountered it and hopefully it stays that way. The same goes with urine. What an awful smell!

It does not matter to me as long as there is chemistry.
But older people accept large gaps as you said because their chances to get laid are less, unlike younger guys who have more options 🙂

Being caught is not a big deal I guess as he knows you are gay! But yes, you will get over him as the intrigue of seeing him naked, fantasizing him, desiring him is gonna just go smaller and smaller now as every material (sexual in this case) desire gets less wanted by the time you satisfy it.
I think now he is much less interesting to you from what you said, and if you had sucked his cock I think your relation would have gone worse.
You will be fine and find someone gay, though what you did was really intriguing and hot hehe.
Cheers.

@sark47:

I'm a total top because I can't bottom, despite trying many many times. I don't find this very real at all.

Clearly, you read what's most convenient to you. Quoting from the main post:

Disclaimer: Please, don't go like "that's not true, I am role X and I don't do that", I am not suggesting that these profiles apply to everyone, mainly why I excessively used neutral adverbs, such as "sometimes/commonly/typically/usually", etc.

I am more of a passive top only because I enjoy pleasing my man. He is also passive, but he knows what he likes. I don't think either of us would be considered active or aggressive, we both enjoy passion.

We can assume that you're not writing emails to actors who appear in videos having sex "with all they seen" shaming them for promoting acts which, although you detest them, are the same ones which brought you to this site.

The only thing consistently "wrong" about sex is blaming the act itself for failing to live up to our expectations.

Omegle.com you can have one-on-one anonymous chat with people who are into some of the same things as you. it's not exclusively gay, but it's become a rather popular chat site among gay men who want to talk to other men with the same interests (hook ups, fetishes, what have you)

There are a wide variety of devices available. A great forum for electrosex is smartstim.com…..It's the most comprehensive one out there and has a very active beginner's discussion. I suggest you start there because there is a lot of important information about not only equipment but safety as well and more excitingly what tends to give results for people for what they are trying to achieve. Electro sex is about many aspects of sex including of course a great HFO (hands free orgasm) :cheers:

It seems like you don't have any gay friends? I mean really friends, not friends for benefit type.

I have had boyfriends from online dating site, and from friends of friends. It really helps, having gay friends, since you can share your emotions as well with fellow gays. Ever since I have my own group of gay friends couple years ago, I cannot really be myself with my straight friends (still haven't come out), but with gays, it's enjoyable, pressureless, and fun too.

If u want sex, find a ONS or friends for benefit. I don't think you should have a BF just for fun and not for relationship (unless you guys have agreed to it).

To be honest looking at your criterias I think you have a pretty high standard for average gay males to be able to hook up with you.

Sorry for the late contribution, I rarely look at the forums and just noticed your thread on the main page and was interested in helping.

I am a versatile bloke now but did not start to bottom with any veracity until I was in my 30s, well into my homosex years, so I definitely know what it's like to go through that pain of being fucked over a long period of time.  My first top was about 10 inches long and thick (I am decent at just under 8 but he made me look like a little boy) and it tore me apart, a bad choice probably but he was bearded and hairy (and married) and way too hot to say no too!  It felt like I needed to run away for a shit every 2 minutes…  However in the years since I have managed to train myself to take nearly any size cock (certainly anything average or above average is no trouble), and it is NOT about being 'loose' or a 'whore' or any of those pathetic labels that gay guys like to use.  Guys with good muscle control can be fisted one minute and tighten up around your cock the next, so 'looseness' is not the issue here.  It is ALL about training your hole to do the opposite of what it has been doing for the majority of your life... i.e. pushing things out.  Your sphincter's instinct from birth is to clam up as soon as anything tries to get in.  It is this response that causes a good deal of the pain you're experiencing and you can train yourself not to do this.

Here are a few suggestions, some easier than others, but they are ALL within your control because it is your hole and you can do what you want with it.  Please remember that the bottom ALWAYS calls the shots!  It is NOT about giving your man a hole he can fuck regardless of you as a person.  If you have any partners like that, give them a quick blowy and show them the door because they will not make love to you the way you want and need it at the moment, i.e. in a careful, considerate manner.  Even if having your manhole used by a top is hot to you (which it is for a lot of guys) I would still avoid it until you have trained your hole up with partners you can trust, and who are interested in you getting off on it as much as in their own pleasure.

I met a very straight guy once (a sprinter) whose hole was so tight you could run your thumb over it and not even feel an opening.  He was tighter than a fish and always wanted to be fucked, which was actually painful for me as a top trying to force it in!  But after a few years and various partners he can take any cock he likes now.  Still a very fit muscular guy with a tight cunt that he can control and contract to milk any cock inside him.

1. 'Starter' dildos or butt plugs are pretty cheap these days.  You can get some very slender prostate massagers too (battery operated) which should slide in you quite easily and scratch that itch with no pain at all.  Otherwise any smaller dildo will allow you to train yourself up (but only do it when you're horny and want it bad - by all means fantasise about some stud wanting to penetrate you and you 'opening up' for him, this will help your sphincter to actually dilate).  Ask your mate to use one on you for a while first - remember to kiss him or suck him, work his cock and/or tits for him while he's doing it, which shouldn't be that difficult 😉

2. Don't get fucked on your back.  Try sitting on it, or doggy, or sideways (spooning).  Missionary (you on your back) should be avoided because it will allow his dick to probe you in painful spots far more easily, and although it's hornier it is a more difficult position certainly to start with.  In the other positions you have the control to pull off when you need to.  If you are in pain you should find after 5-10 minutes that your endorphins have kicked in and numbed the spot for you, and if it's still sore when he tries to get in you again then it's time to give it a break.  Don't continue if it hurts.

3. As a bottom hygiene and consideration for the top is very important but it won't help you in the sphincter-relaxation department.  I would consider douching much more than 15 minutes before a fuck, about three hours if possible.  This reduces the likelihood of stray water that's made its way up your gut from coming out while you're in the act which can affect the lube on the condom as well.

4. Try and get with guys who are versatile.  A guy who has bottomed and still does regularly will generally be more considerate towards someone he wants to fuck.

5. Keep practising and let your partner know that it's in his best interests to go slow.  The more it hurts you the shorter the fuck will be!

@rawfisheater:

I know someone in my church who has been through ex gay and it appears to be successful. However I do have questions regarding its success. He says he wants to be married and stuff and he's the only one I would discuss any LGBT stuff with because I generally do not mention sexual orientation in front of church people unless they show themselves to be worthy of such discussion.

I doubt it, he probably still fantasizes about men just doesn't act as much on it

Thanks - I'll tell him to read this. And I just PM'd you.

I believe and to an extend i have experienced small gains, to get a good to great sex life, you need to be physically fit in everyway, all your organs, from the brain, nervous system, testicles prostate, all fuel your sexual system.

Exercise increases blood flood to the penis, good nutrition and the right nutritional supplements and a good diet of protiens, good oils and fats, good carbs etc fuel all organs especially those that drive your sexual appetite.

You can also work out you pc muscles that help control your erection and how tite your anus is.

http://www.betterman.com/penis-enlargement-forum/  this is a list of stretches and squeezes to add length and girth your dick over time, not 2 inches in one month.

kegels to strengthen the pc muscles for stronger erections and titer assholes, because those muscles are connected to the ones in your penis.

Overall improved sexual performances starts with overall fitness and health including direct work to your penis!