While I do see where you're coming from, it is abundantly clear to me that you do not fully understand the entire situation at hand. Call me whatever you will, but that doesn't make it so. For one thing, your suggestion of changing what has already been said is completely insane to say the least. Going back and re-wording what has already been said would more or less either be sugar coating the whole thing, or otherwise adding a layer of censorship to the matter.
I can tell that you clearly do NOT understand what goes through the mind of someone with HIV. While you are partially correct with respect to the fear of rejection, the sad reality is that the fear of rejection only accounts for a small portion of the reasons why some people do not disclose, or otherwise shy away from intimacy on any level with another person who is not HIV+. While the fear of rejection in a lot of cases is a part of why MOST people with HIV do not disclose their status, it is exactly that…. only a small factor involved in such a decision. I've said it before and I'll say it again, people who simply throw up the hard wall and back away at the mention of being HIV+ are also a huge factor in why far too many people with HIV do not disclose their status. This is largely because from my experience, it is people like you who are the first to cry wolf and open the legal can of worms that far too many people have had opened for them. It's more than just the fear of rejection.... It's more so the fear of legal consequences from my experience.
Now.... You kind of made it personal when you brought up the point about how my one ex reacted to me breaking the news to him. This is also something that you clearly know NOTHING about. Before you go jumping to conclusions as you clearly already have, why don't you stop to get all the facts? What you've clearly said is that what I can say first hand from my own experience is completely wrong, which suggests that it may actually be you who does not have the facts. I know full well why he reacted by literally throwing me out to the curb. In several ways you have speculated as to what the reasoning is, without ever stopping to get the facts or inquire for more information. Ever stop to think that perhaps the shock of finding out that he had been exposed to something I knew nothing about may have anything to do with why he freaked out? Or did you ever stop to consider the fact that no matter how educated you are on the subject, there is absolutely NOTHING that can prepare you for receiving such news? Clearly, you have missed my entire point to begin with, so I guess I'll have to spell it out to you.....
People like you are one of the very precise reasons why some people do not disclose their status. See.... It's the people who clearly reject someone simply because they're HIV+ who will bring up the other legal issues that surround being HIV+. The whole fear of rejection may come into play for the first year or so, but on average, after the first year, the fear of disclosure stems more from the fact that there are possible legal consequences to be paid, solely because you are HIV+ and in the eyes of the law, if you're HIV+, automatically you must be a liar. The sad reality is that there are many people that I know of who simply avoid sexual encounters all together, solely because of the fear of these legal consequences, since avoiding anything sexual avoids having to disclose their status. On this note, disclosing your status can lead to spiteful allegations, simply because someone either doesn't like you, or wants to get back at you for something, knowing that because you're HIV+, you're at a disadvantage. I find it very funny how someone like you can contradict themselves so many times in the same paragraph. This clearly suggests that you have no actual inside insight as to the reasons why far too many people choose not to disclose their status. I'm not saying that it's right by any stretch of the imagination, however there are quite a few people that I know of off the top of my head who choose not to disclose their status because they're undetectable and if they conceal their status to themselves, in theory there's no need to worry about the legal consequences. The fear of rejection factor is a card that I just don't buy into. While the fear of rejection may be a large factor in the failure to disclose within the first year, it certainly does NOT account for the majority of the masses who have already passed this stage. The fear of the legal complications that can result from something as simple as spite are far more of a relevant factor for the majority of people who either choose not to disclose, or even worse, avoid sexual encounters all together. Also, on that note, have you ever stopped to consider that by not disclosing your status at all, some people actually figure that they can conceal it from everyone, and thus in doing so, eliminates the possibility of having word get back to someone that you're getting intimate with through the grape vine in the first place? I've said it before, and I'll say it again.... Until you have lived it for yourself, I wouldn't be too eager to try to explain to people how things are because until you have lived through it yourself, you don't know the first damn thing about what you're talking about.
It is my decision, not to have a knowingly sexual relationship with someone who is. And my decision is exclusively sexual. And consequently romantical too, since in order for that to happen sex plays a great part at it.
Way to contradict yourself there dude….. How the fuck do you think you push someone away in the first place? Getting close to them, only to have feelings start to develop, just to reject them when things start to get more intimate is EXACTLY that... It's pushing them away. So... Before you go giving me this bullshit about how you do not push people away, perhaps you should consider that the rejection alone in and of itself pushes them away. I find it kind of funny how you say one thing, then immediately in your next breath, contradict yourself.
Stop playing the whole "me against the world" thing, because not the entire world is against you. Your condition may lead you to think that, but open your eyes, there are all sorts of people in the world.
Again I will reiterate what I have already said…. Before you go opening your mouth and inserting your other foot by saying things like not staying focused on the past, why don't you take a look at the whole of the situation. BECAUSE of what has gone down, I am perpetually stuck in the position where it's next to impossible to move forward. More specifically, I find myself in a position where I'm both unemployed and unemployable, solely because of what I have been subjected to. Take a closer look at this article which outlines my situation to begin with. In this particular example, I disclosed my status, but because of my association with Steven Boone, I found myself the target of this legal nightmare. As the result, when I apply for a job, I now have to select "Yes" when I get to the question "Have you ever been convicted of a criminal offense for which a pardon has not been granted?". The problem that comes into play here is that as soon as you select yes, the employer has the right to ask for details. Far too often from what I've found, it's not the criminal record that they have the problem with at all. In the last 6 jobs that I have applied for, as soon as HIV gets mentioned, the job interview quickly changes its path as the HR person doing the interview became very uncomfortable, asking 10,000 questions about HIV, only to get scared away for no reason and never call me back. So…. This being said, how in the fuck can you realistically expect one to move forward from the past, when the past still continues to haunt them to this very day? Also, how in the fuck is a person supposed to move forward exactly, when now I have the constant reminder of the wrongful allegations comes back at the very least once a year when having to register for the sex offender registry, all over something that I did NOT do?
Also, I must say that I find it quite disgusting that you can just so freely dismiss the reality of what happens on a daily basis. What's more alarming is the fact that it was 12 allegedly unbiased people who could not reasonably conclude that there was at the very least a reasonable doubt on the question both of disclosure and on a large part, the sexual acts that were alleged as well. So again I must say that before you start to criticize the situation and life path of others, that you clearly take into account all of the factors involved in that particular case. Don't get me wrong though... I would love nothing more than to just sweep that whole nightmare under the carpet and forget that it ever happened, but that seems an impossible task when every day I have that constant reminder that I am stuck where I am in the first place because of 2 lying sacks of shit and 12 obviously biased people who have a fear of HIV. It's pretty well impossible to focus on the present, much less the concept of a future, when every day that you try, you're continually held back over wrongful allegations that were made out of spite for someone who you happen to have been in the wrong place at the wrong time with. Have you ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, the reason why I am so "bitter" (for lack of a better term) with the whole situation, the legal system, and with people like you who will push themselves away from people with HIV in the first place is because of the stigma fuelled injustice that continues to progress every day?
Lastly, I will NOT apologize for anything that I have said in this post. If this offends you, then you can get in line with the rest of them bitches waiting for me to give a flying fuck! Since you seem to be so quick at accusing me of ranting and insulting, I figured I may as well show you what a rant and insult actually is. Perhaps it wouldn't be so personal if it wasn't for the fact that the whole issue of HIV and the law happens to be an issue that hits a little too close to home. Perhaps if you stopped to ask questions instead of making assumptions, you'd get a different response. I will be very clear when I say do not expect me to back down from my position, without first debating with fact, instead of speculation.
EDIT: Don't take this the wrong way… I'm not a complete bitch... It's just that the whole thing of HIV and the law happens to be a rather touchy subject for me. Refer to this article for more information on the whole reason why this is a touchy subject. Aside from this, I am actually quite nice… a teddy bear if you will. This just happens to be one particular subject that is a little touchy to say the least.
