Posts made by lostalone

@PumpingMuscl:

this question makes me sad! because it show how fucked up gays are  and no it's not about the society! gays  think this way too! I met many gays before wanting a guy to be the man or the girl in the relation it's really sad! and I don't think those guys are gays! like if you want to be a girl in the relationship and you're acting girly and stuff maybe you need a sex change and you're under the transgender category! and if you're a guy who want to be manly and be with a girly boy then I think you have a  problem! and it's not sexual at this point!  for me real gays are the men who are attracted to other men and both are equally the men of the relationship no matter who's bottom or top!

….see, I disagreed.
You heavily implied that there's only certain ways to be a guy and certain ways to be a girl and that's not true at all.

There is no one way to be a man-- just as there is no one way to be a woman.
BUT, I acknowledge and agree that attraction is a different thing. Whether physically or mentally, attraction can be influenced but cannot be forced either way. If you like a certain type of guy, then that's your flavor. Others have different taste, influenced by different things.

And also,
Gender identity =/= personality =/= interest.
so for a guy to feel like he's a girl =/= having a 'girly' personality =/= interested in 'girly' hobbies or interest.
And the attraction part is also different.
One can feel attracted to feminine guys and still being a homosexual. One can be attracted to masculine girls and still being a heterosexual.

UNDERTALE SQUeueeueeeeeeeeee

tsk. Sort of envying you

Stir fries.

I do like to pretend I'm fanc(ier) than I am and bake at times, but…

....yeah I'm lazy. T_T

1. "Some boys like girls, some boys like boys, some girls like girls"
2. "X loves Y just as your parents love each other" (assuming they are talking about a specific person– and their parents have a good marriage)

Yes, it's bad.

On one hand one can probably NEVER be prepared with raising a kid completely,
and at the same time there are stories of people who have unwanted child(ren) (which implies a certain lack of readiness before having a child) and still manage to be a good parent.
but there's bound to be a certain…ugh, awareness, or competence, or AT LEAST responsibility before having kids.

all things being equal,
handsome with a meh body.

Oh, halo

ahem

yeah, I'm with the others. (Of course, I know how hard it is in Indonesia to find a partner, much less a boyfriend)
…But the thing about movies is that it IS a movie. a glorified, beautified case, something looked at with a rose tinted glasses.

And you don't even know whether if he is gay or straight or anything in between. And I know how crush can make us read every little innocuous sign as "OMG IS HE GAY IS HE FLIRTING WITH ME WHAT WHAT"

....Too much effort, honestly. An effort like that is better spent pursuing someone who won't compromise your professional ethics -and- can reciprocate your feelings.

Not really, at least in the larger scope.

Individually there are going to be people looking desperately for sex and/or love so much that their other aspects are neglected and ignored–or that it ended up destroying them physically, emotionally, psychologically, or financially.

But there are also a lot of people who don't. And a lot of people who managed to have rampant sex -and- still be healthy and happy.

….Fear of rejection does exist and I...understand how it can be terrifying.

And being rejected hurts, especially if you're feeling like you've spent so much time and effort in getting to know and/or flirting with someone.

But other than online dating, I do recommend getting up front. "um, hey, can I call you Daddy in bed? Yeah, I sort of like that. Is that okay with you?"

@ColinTNM:

Things are just balancing out. When homosexuality was illegal, anonymous casual sex was practically required so a man wouldn't be found out or be blackmailed. When homosexual acts between consenting adults were decriminalised there was a sense of freedom and a chance to differentiate a gay identity separately from a straight one (which was "the norm" of marriage, kids, monogamy etc)

Now we are moving on past that, marriage is legal in many parts of the civilised world and people have more CHOICE to do what they want to do with their private lives without feeling pressured in to fitting in, whether that's pressure to conform to monogamy or playing the field.

Monogamy is NOT trying to ape a straight lifestyle as many gay men have tried to call it in the past, some people of all persuasions want to develop a deep relationship with one other person, this isn't something exclusive to straight people, just like only wanting no strings random sex is not exclusively a gay thing either.

Choice is always a good thing.

Agree, this.

And I think the growing choice is expanding beyond the GLBTQ+ crowd– straight relationships have slowly but surely becoming more and more diverse; there are open relationships, polyamory, spouseswapping, etc, etc...

I think ultimately it's a question of taste. Some works with complete monogamy. Others were fine with an exclusive relationship but a non-exclusive sexual relationship like jonas32 above. I myself cannot imagine myself being in a nonmonogamous relationship but since I've never been in a relationship before...no promises.

Not to mention that like MikeChang said, there are more in a relationship than sex or sexual attraction.

At the same time it is very possible that a lot of people are looking for a monogamous relationship because for a long time, even now, it's the one type of relationship that was taught around the most. It -has- been a norm if you look at the mainstream culture.

Thaaat said, if you ask -me-, I think personally I'll be the more feminine/submissive part of the couple.

…That's more of a personality flaw than anything else.

Re: "Man" and "woman."

I think the question would be more clear if it's phrased as 'masculine' and 'feminine'. Or even 'dominant' and 'submissive' (not in the BDSM meaning).

To be very fair there -is- a form of fetish of…uh, where an overtly feminine gay seeks an overtly masculine gay, and there -is- a clear, delineated, almost obscene traditional gender roles there. (check out http://masc4femme.tumblr.com and http://femme4masc.tumblr.com if you want to look more).

So for some couples, the question does apply.
Is it 'right' or 'wrong'? I will say that it's not for everyone. I myself feel attracted to the size difference aspect of it but definitely not to the…patriarchal feel of it.

But it is just one view and thinking of it as the only view is deeply problematic (looking at you, Japanese BL). For one thing, the core of the idea -is- a traditional, patriarchal worldview where the man works and makes decision and the woman serves and takes care of home and sex and MEH.

Not all relationships are like that. Other couples might be more equal, more blurry in presentation and roles, and that's definitely OKAY. Not to mention the dynamics between individuals makes each relationship to be different in many aspects (one might be 'the woman' in the bed but 'the man' in the other aspects; or one might be the woman in one relationship and the man in the rest)

My very, very first exposure is…second grade. Mike Tyson vs. Evander Holyfield. laughs awkwardly

I didn't think much of it back then but in fourth-fifth grade there's this (male) friend of my brother who smells so good and-- unlike with most girls, I have this desire to sniff around more and more..

..but I think it is during my middle school era that I know more about sexuality, about GLBTQ+, and about yaoi. And there's no looking back.
There's also an interaction with the Internet crowd that made me sure..yep.

It's….possible.

I am going to assume here that 'honest' here is in regards to the relationship and the 'big issues' and not necessarily..uh, everything. Because even monogamous partnerships have small things they don't talk to their partners about. (although yes, some small things can pile up into huge unstoppable things)

From outside looking in, I can see that the chance are probably smaller just because of maths (it's harder to communicate effectively and intimately between 3 or more people as opposed to 2; not to mention the dynamics of each participants).

You also need not just you and your partner but the rest of the participants to be open and honest not just with you but with each other.

And when there is a need or desire that is addressed, the entire party also needs to be open, honest, but also good at communication, compromises, and conflict resolution.

And again, given that it's 3 or more participants, it's probably going to be harder than the typical monogamous relationship (though even this has its liars and cheaters, yes?)

But it's possible.

Agree to a lot of this.

Also that it is rather obvious that the use of this is to protect a status quo; something that is (believed to be) consistent and unchanging.

but it's not. And we have thrown numerous 'traditional' systems and cultures for newer, more improved ones.

Why not marriage?

ESPECIALLY because of marriage's role in a lot of people? Because of its effect, whether emotionally, psychologically, financially, spiritually, physically.

Why not marriage.

@bebekid:

Here's my opinion. I agree with you not to try anything because you value the friendship. He's straight, and trying to get him to be what he isn't will surely ruin the friendship. Also, if he's ever curious, he knows you're gay because you already came out to him. I wouldn't hold my breath on that one though.

What I imagine is there's qualities about him you are attracted to. Determine what they are, and look for them in someone who's gay. If biceps and openminded-ness are important, then participate in some activities where you will have gay men who are athletic and open-minded. I would also remind myself "this is my friend" and try to treat him as such.

Hope some of that helps.

Definitely echoing this.

I understand that sometimes the heart (and the cock) wants what it wants, but you have laid almost all the cards. If he wants to make a move– he probably would have done so already.

Depending on whether he is accepting and chill or not-- you might want to open that last card. That you are sexually attracted to him. Of course, that means dealing with a (very high) possible of rejection and the resulting awkwardness, but perhaps it is a risk worth taking.

Well; there's Japan. They (IINM) even permit cousin marriages, IINM.

But personally…hmm. Don't think I can, but go for it for those who do...?

It is perhaps wise to ask whose 'wrong' are we talking here. I admit I am using conventional morality, but not everyone does.

@rbs3i:

Sexuality is sort of a sliding scale, and can only really be gauged by the individual.  That  being said, I would guess your Friend thinks he is Straight, so he is.

Kinsey showed that no one is really either one or the other, but some shade of grey in the middle.  So I would have to say he is more Bi, or possibly "heteroflexible".

You indicate that there is not a strong emotional component, which would seem to indicate that he is in fact mostly/only interested in you.  Arm Chair Pysch, I am guessing that you were both the others first, and that is the connection.

The porn is a bit more interesting.  I would have to say he is attempting to down play his interest, because he doesn't want to get your hopes up.  He is interested, but mostly because he is a guy, likes sex, and finds the actors attractive, with the added benefit that it turns you on.  He doesn't want you thinking he might be "secretly" gay, and just keep waiting for him.  Being slightly on the jaded side, I would say that he like knowing that when he needs a little something to tide him over, either between girlfriends, or when the current one isn't meeting his needs.  Though don't take that to mean that his intention is to take advantage of you.

That is my take on the situation.

This is what I would say too.

If we want to get on details, there is a possibility that your friend is a Bisexual Heteroromantic (a.k.a, can have sex with both, but can only feel romantic attraction ('love') towards the other sex).

And also that he thinks being 'gay' is a 'lifestyle' and/or a specific set of traits. In that sense, he is indeed capable of being sexually attracted to the same sex but either represses it or rejects the label. (in this case; consider 'straight' as the equivalent of 'not a freak')

Because being gay is one thing; it can be argued that it is a social label of sort; but sexual attraction transcends labels.

Personally, if you want to know -more-, I would suggest asking him of what he thinks about gay people / bi people; whether he thinks they are disgusting/different, what sort of people are gay / bi, etc. Know more of his perspective and/or standards.

But for your betterment? Perhaps it would be better to take that FWB title and…move on (or milk him for all his worth and nothing more). He does not seem to see what you have as anything more than sex, and....regardless of sexual attraction and everything, that's....probably what it is, for him. He can be openly gay and still...be that.