There's no way to talk about this without turning it into a therapy session, it's pointless to say anything that's opposing to your views if you're here with the sole intention of being right and teaching how things really are for the delusional gays, who love to cast their gayness onto our good, god-fearing straight men.
For as much as I agree that being submissive and eager to show your hole, or have it played with, has nothing to do with one's sexuality, what you are describing in your arguments is just wishful projection:
You are actively shaping the conversation to validate your own narrative that straight men can (and do) engage with gay men for the giggles, while remaining straight. Depending one how many of those "experiences" you've had, it's easy for you to extrapolate this as a baseline. Just take yourself as an example, you describe yourself as "privately openly gay" as if that was an actual thing, when in fact you are simply a gay man who everyone assumes to be straight, and you have the last say on who will know you're not.
You see yourself as someone who is just another non-flamboyant, judgement-free bro, and still it never occurred to you that you might be signaling to them that people can be gay in secret.
You say that it's possible to be straight and still enjoy assplay and submission, while some will say that these are seemingly "gay" stuff.
You also say that these guys are absolutely and objectively straight... Because they don't look gay and are married to women; Things that are seemingly straight... To you!
You are just as sure about their sexuality as are the other people in that comment section, you simply disagree on the final value. But at the end of the day, you all know just as much about the guy (his name, some private family photos, his hole...) and you assume whatever aggregates to your own narrative.
In the end, the core idea that I'm trying to convey is that no one truly knows the full story, and we will always project our own biases onto others’ actions and behaviors. It might be very easy to spot when others are doing it, but not so easy when it's ourselves.
