Sorry for the late contribution, I rarely look at the forums and just noticed your thread on the main page and was interested in helping.

I am a versatile bloke now but did not start to bottom with any veracity until I was in my 30s, well into my homosex years, so I definitely know what it's like to go through that pain of being fucked over a long period of time.  My first top was about 10 inches long and thick (I am decent at just under 8 but he made me look like a little boy) and it tore me apart, a bad choice probably but he was bearded and hairy (and married) and way too hot to say no too!  It felt like I needed to run away for a shit every 2 minutes…  However in the years since I have managed to train myself to take nearly any size cock (certainly anything average or above average is no trouble), and it is NOT about being 'loose' or a 'whore' or any of those pathetic labels that gay guys like to use.  Guys with good muscle control can be fisted one minute and tighten up around your cock the next, so 'looseness' is not the issue here.  It is ALL about training your hole to do the opposite of what it has been doing for the majority of your life... i.e. pushing things out.  Your sphincter's instinct from birth is to clam up as soon as anything tries to get in.  It is this response that causes a good deal of the pain you're experiencing and you can train yourself not to do this.

Here are a few suggestions, some easier than others, but they are ALL within your control because it is your hole and you can do what you want with it.  Please remember that the bottom ALWAYS calls the shots!  It is NOT about giving your man a hole he can fuck regardless of you as a person.  If you have any partners like that, give them a quick blowy and show them the door because they will not make love to you the way you want and need it at the moment, i.e. in a careful, considerate manner.  Even if having your manhole used by a top is hot to you (which it is for a lot of guys) I would still avoid it until you have trained your hole up with partners you can trust, and who are interested in you getting off on it as much as in their own pleasure.

I met a very straight guy once (a sprinter) whose hole was so tight you could run your thumb over it and not even feel an opening.  He was tighter than a fish and always wanted to be fucked, which was actually painful for me as a top trying to force it in!  But after a few years and various partners he can take any cock he likes now.  Still a very fit muscular guy with a tight cunt that he can control and contract to milk any cock inside him.

1. 'Starter' dildos or butt plugs are pretty cheap these days.  You can get some very slender prostate massagers too (battery operated) which should slide in you quite easily and scratch that itch with no pain at all.  Otherwise any smaller dildo will allow you to train yourself up (but only do it when you're horny and want it bad - by all means fantasise about some stud wanting to penetrate you and you 'opening up' for him, this will help your sphincter to actually dilate).  Ask your mate to use one on you for a while first - remember to kiss him or suck him, work his cock and/or tits for him while he's doing it, which shouldn't be that difficult 😉

2. Don't get fucked on your back.  Try sitting on it, or doggy, or sideways (spooning).  Missionary (you on your back) should be avoided because it will allow his dick to probe you in painful spots far more easily, and although it's hornier it is a more difficult position certainly to start with.  In the other positions you have the control to pull off when you need to.  If you are in pain you should find after 5-10 minutes that your endorphins have kicked in and numbed the spot for you, and if it's still sore when he tries to get in you again then it's time to give it a break.  Don't continue if it hurts.

3. As a bottom hygiene and consideration for the top is very important but it won't help you in the sphincter-relaxation department.  I would consider douching much more than 15 minutes before a fuck, about three hours if possible.  This reduces the likelihood of stray water that's made its way up your gut from coming out while you're in the act which can affect the lube on the condom as well.

4. Try and get with guys who are versatile.  A guy who has bottomed and still does regularly will generally be more considerate towards someone he wants to fuck.

5. Keep practising and let your partner know that it's in his best interests to go slow.  The more it hurts you the shorter the fuck will be!

@rawfisheater:

I know someone in my church who has been through ex gay and it appears to be successful. However I do have questions regarding its success. He says he wants to be married and stuff and he's the only one I would discuss any LGBT stuff with because I generally do not mention sexual orientation in front of church people unless they show themselves to be worthy of such discussion.

I doubt it, he probably still fantasizes about men just doesn't act as much on it

Thanks - I'll tell him to read this. And I just PM'd you.

I believe and to an extend i have experienced small gains, to get a good to great sex life, you need to be physically fit in everyway, all your organs, from the brain, nervous system, testicles prostate, all fuel your sexual system.

Exercise increases blood flood to the penis, good nutrition and the right nutritional supplements and a good diet of protiens, good oils and fats, good carbs etc fuel all organs especially those that drive your sexual appetite.

You can also work out you pc muscles that help control your erection and how tite your anus is.

http://www.betterman.com/penis-enlargement-forum/  this is a list of stretches and squeezes to add length and girth your dick over time, not 2 inches in one month.

kegels to strengthen the pc muscles for stronger erections and titer assholes, because those muscles are connected to the ones in your penis.

Overall improved sexual performances starts with overall fitness and health including direct work to your penis!

@Jmswofl0:

So, I complimented him today. But his face looked so gloom and apathetic that I couldn't engage a conversation (that's odd, since he looked happy on the day of equipment sharing, even being that nervous). Maybe he had a bad day, dunno.

Let's see on wednesday, when we meet again  ;D

Aww no update!!??

But anyway, my first crush was probably a gym teacher from middle school.  I even have my yearbook from that year, still.

My husband and i are only with eatch other and we never, ever use condoms. I love to feel he empty his load in me….Im 100% bottom and he loves to jerk me off at the same time

Lol, that smiley sums it all up 😉

:hehe: This may be the best Pick Up Line of all time!!!

We love cockrings  :cheers: I use a Metal Ring 2" and my husbear uses a Leather Strap with snaps for easy removal. We use them all the time just for fun but they do help with ED problems.

I do sincerelly hope people only do this with their trusted boyfriends or husbands, this said since I'm solo it's oral with a flavoured condom.

That's actually sort of helpful. I guess I'm not really the kind of guy who is grossed out by stuff, so that's a motivation I hadn't thought of. He does seem to have a low self image all around. I've noticed lately how much he puts himself down, etc. It bothers me.

The rest just sounds like bad experiences, really. I'm just going to resolve to bring him good experiences and doing my best to get him to trust that 1) I respect him 2) I care about him too much to hurt him and 3) that I'm not interested in a sex slave but a true sex partner. Maybe then he'll open up his horizons with me.

Thanks.

I've met boyfriend of 3y on manhunt, I guess you get what you're looking for. I find okcupid pretty interesting as well, even though most of the (gay) friends  I've made online came from specific social networks, like last.fm or goodreads.com   🙂

@Amazonios:

How do you react in situations like this? That spark that lights up, when you see some great looking stranger in the street?"

Usually people do not want a person who wants them too badly too early that they'd be willing to approach them out of nowhere to say hello. Someone who does that risks being ignored, as the person being approached will believe it shows the person approaching them may be desperate, and that they should wait for someone better.

It also shows the person being approached that this person approaching them may have their emotions too easily triggered by people (hence too easily triggerable by someone else). The contradiction involved in courtship— flaunting your desire while playing hard to get— is too-complicated a task for people passing on the sidewalk.

@leatherbear:

When I was 5 years old I was the Ring Bearer in my cousins wedding.

Ihihihihihihihihi 😄
Have you seen? t'was a sign of thy lord! Since those times your destiny was already written!! So repent yourself impudent and heretic plantigrade!!!!!  :pope:
Butt, just a moment,  ??? written by whom/whut?  :hehe:
Ok, like all the vigorous and handsome bears I'd say you were much more advanced than me. The thing I remember very well when I was 3/4 is my discovery of the noble wanking art. Have you seen? t'was a sign of thy lord too! My destiny was already written!! I had to become this blind, lustful, ignominous underground animal  :crazy2:. Nobody had to be closer to the divell than me etc. etc.!!!!! :pope:
:hehe:
Joking apart there were not at all things we could deem as sexual in the pleasant little games I played with that baby dick. It was one of the many discoveries concerning my body and, believe it or not, I don't even remember t'was a thing I did so often. I remember there were lotsa amusing things to do/make and when I seldom happened to feel bored there was always this opportunity. My problems of course started more or less at 11 together with my puberty. Suddenly my obedient dick had got undisciplined. He did on his own the things I needed my hand to do before. Obviously when I saw some more or less little male friends. How did he dare to do that on his own??!!!!!!! Breach of discipline!!!!  Insubordination!!!!!  :bithfight:

;D

thanks will give it a read
and other tips for the newbie

If you don't like boring gay sex fims don't buy them, and the industry will take the quote and get real gay actors which actually enjoy the sex.