Mrsmth677, I found it easier reading your answer formatted in the following way:
Please believe what I am about to tell you.
The answer is an unequivocal and absolute YES.
Despite our needs to put everything into neat categories and dichotomies in society to make it easier for us to judge others and make ourselves feel superior- sexuality defies this kind of classification.
I do not believe anyone is 100% straight or 100% gay- sexuality is better looked at as falling along a spectrum, just like any other attribute/defining characteristic that can't be genetically/biologically traced, identified, or tested for.
I myself am a 30 year old male who came out as gay six years ago.
I've been on this site far longer than that, of course.
I tried for so long to be straight, or "bi-sexual"- I both dated (and slept with) girls in high school AND in college.
My rationalization for not coming out prior to when I did was that since I was physically able to get it up for girls (most of the time) and I enjoyed sex with girls (or at least seemed by all accounts to be good at it), then why should I have to acknowledge the fact that I only watch gay porn and that the thought of hooking up with another guy is my true fantasy?
The reason is that I was lying to myself and my attraction to girls/women was completely programmed by societal norms and expectations. Coming out as gay or even bisexual terrified me because it seemed like I would be actively (and perhaps needlessly) making my life SO much more difficult- risk my family no longer loving and supporting me the way they always had, risk my friends abandoning me because I had essentially been lying to them (and myself) for so long and so not only was I going to have to admit I licked dick but also that I had been hiding it from them and "pretending" to like pussy for so long- so I was not only a closeted fag, but a disingenuous one- who wants to be that?
To anyone else in this situation, JUST COME OUT.
Unless it risks physical harm to you (you have an abusive parent or partner or something who would threaten your life/well-being) than the SOONER you accept it and do it the HAPPIER you will be!
TRUST ME.
If I could go back in time I would come out in elementary school if I could have- but definitely middle or high school- certainly college.
Now I look back and think about how things might have gone if I hadn't chose to wear this mask for so long and just accepted who I was and what my true sexual orientation (not PREFERENCE, ORIENTATION) was.
You want to know how to know whether you're mostly gay or straight?
I can tell you how.
And it has very little to do with what kind of porn you watch (although it is true that most gay men get off to watching two men have sex and most straight men enjoy watching a man and a woman or two women- here's a question I've always wondered- shouldn't straight women also be huge fans of gay man on man porn?
You always hear about girls who say they think it's hot, but why isn't it as much of a common factoid as straight men who enjoy watching two women?
The same logic should apply to straight women (women who are mostly into dick/men) enjoying watching two men- should it not?
Something to think about.
Anyways here's how you can tell whether you fall closer to gay or straight on the spectrum.
Ready?
Lie down on your bed or couch or somewhere comfortable where you are by yourself and are not in a stressful state of mind.
Close your eyes and try to relax.
Take a few deep breaths until you feel perfectly comfortable, calm, and at ease- like you could probably fall asleep if you wanted to.
Then ask yourself this question:
"What is your true ultimate fantasy when it comes to sex?"
That is, if you were Neo in the Matrix or woke up in a dream in which you could control anything and everything- and thus had the ability to make any scenario a reality- what would you do to get yourself off?
If you're a guy, what thought makes your dick so hard you feel like it's going to break off?
If you're a girl, what makes you wetter than you've ever been in your life and feel like you're going to go nuts if you don't have something inside you?
I'm assuming you're a guy given that you're posting on here and are anxious about what liking or being able to get off to gay porn might mean about your sexual orientation.
Like I said, it means very little.
The more important question is the one I just suggested you posed to yourself in a state of relaxation (because this will make it more likely that you will be able to be HONEST with yourself, let go of any negative implications and just think about and honestly allow yourself to explore the question of "WHAT WOULD TURN ME ON THE MOST IN THE WORLD/UNIVERSE?)".
Ultimately the answer to that question- the real answer- that if you're gay and in the closet you have probably always felt on some level may be true but been too terrified to entertain, especially given that all the men (and women) around you are presumably straight and you don't act or sound gay or speak or move your hands in any flamboyant or manneristic way that is so commonly portrayed in the media as how ALL GAY MEN ACT (we DON'T- if anything we tend to be more masculine than straight men, believe it or not)- will reveal this to you.
What it boils down to more than what porn you like most is what is your ultimate fantasy?
Does it involve you putting your dick into a woman or a man?
Or having a man put his dick inside you?
Does the thought of sucking a nice big dick sound hot or disgusting to you?
Chances are, if the sight of two men blowing each other, rimming each other, and then fucking each other is what makes it easiest and quickest for you to get hard, jerk yourself off, and climax (aka cum)- then you are probably more gay than straight.
What happens when you watch two women going down on eachother?
Do you get hard at all?
How about a man and a woman fucking?
Anything happen down there when you watch that?
I know plenty of straight guys who will admit to me that watching two women does absolutely NOTHING for them- even they will admit to me that they just need to see a dick going into a hole- whether it's an ass or a vagina.
Some straight guys have even admitted to me that they've fantasized about jerking off with another guy, or letting a guy give them head, or even fucking a guy (most don't fantasize about being fucked, or at least none of the guys I've met who have shared stuff with me have confessed to that).
It's even considered normal in developmental psychology for straight boys (boys who will grow up to be primarily heterosexual men- more attracted to women than men) to have at least one isolated homosexual experience in their early teen/adolescent/young adult years.
I remember being mad when I read this because this never happened to me- as much as I would have loved if it had- because ALL of the guys I had crushes on throughout my entire childhood and adolescence/young adult life were quintessentially straight-acting and seemingly completely heterosexual boys who had no interest in doing anything sexual with me- and instead were the type who got with a lot of girls and enjoyed bragging about it.
Idon't know how many times I would get hard hearing these guys telling me about a girl sucking their hard dick until they busted in her face or down her throat or how they fucked a girl so hard they had to put a sock over their mouth to stop them from screaming so loud they woke up their parents.
That shit was hot even though they were describing heterosexual sex because just the thought of them having sex was enough to turn me on.
So don't get bogged down with worrying about what the porn you watch says about you and try to focus more on deciphering what your ultimate fantasy is- because that's the question that will ultimately help you figure out whether you're more into dick or vagina.
If it's the former, it's OK- and you will be OK. If anything, you'll be much happier coming to terms with it- and the sooner you do that the easier it will be on you.
Your parents and family members will still love you (if not, they don't truly love you now), your friends will not abandon you (if they do, they were never true friends), and you will be able to stop feeling ashamed of what kind of porn you watch and recognize that it just means something about two guys fucking is hot to you (guess what, it IS hot and you are far from alone in thinking so).
So my advice is this: give yourself a break, watch whatever kind of porn you want, and don't worry about it's implications for your sexuality.
Instead, use the other question to figure that out and once you do, put down the burden of lying to yourself about what DOESN'T turn you on (even if that is women/vagina).
Best of luck to you my friend.
