Posts made by jagged

:cheesy2:

hehe - i sleep with my window open  ::)

aww poor thing  ::)

A new vacuum cleaner salesman knocked on the door on the first house of the street. A tall lady answered the door.

Before she could speak, the enthusiastic salesman barged into the living room and opened a big black plastic bag and poured all the cow droppings onto the carpet.

"Madam, if I cannot clean this up with the use of this new powerful Vacuum cleaner, I will EAT all this dung!" exclaimed the eager salesman.

"Do you need chilly sauce or ketchup with that" asked the lady.

The bewildered salesman asked, "Why, madam?"

"There's no electricity in the house…" said the lady.

One for the men…………………

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.

2. An old friend who once saved your life.

3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.

Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.

YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS…................

The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered:
'I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.'

Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.

Never forget to 'Think Outside of the Box.'

HOWEVER...., The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.

I just love happy endings!  :cheesy2:

A typical bloke, having split from his latest girlfriend, decided to take a holiday.

He booked himself on a cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life; that is, until the ship sank.

He found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing; only bananas and coconuts.

After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks,
'Where did you come from? How did you get here?'
She replied,
'I rowed from the other side of the island. I landed here when my cruise ship sank.'

'Amazing,' he notes. 'You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you.'
'Oh, this thing?' explains the woman. 'I made the boat out of raw material I found on the island.

The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree.'

'But, where did you get the tools?'

'Oh, that was no problem,' replied the woman. 'On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed. I found if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron. I used that for tools and used the tools to make the hardware.'

The guy is stunned.

'Let's row over to my place,' she says.
After a few minutes of rowing, she docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat. Before him is stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually,
'It's not much but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like a drink?'

'No! No thank you,' he blurts out, still dazed. 'I can't take another drop of coconut juice.'
'It's not coconut juice,' winks the woman. 'I have a still. How would you like a Pina Colada?'

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they have exchanged their stories, the woman announces,
'I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor in the bathroom cabinet.'

No longer questioning anything, the man goes into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet, is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

'This woman is amazing,' he muses. 'What next?'

When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but vines, strategically positioned, and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckons for him to sit down next to her.

'Tell me,' she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, 'We've been out here for many months. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for?'
She stares into his eyes…

He swallows excitedly and tears start to form in his eyes...

'F ***king hell, don't tell me you've got Sky Sports?'

kinda thing i'd prob do lol
lucky i dont like hospitals  :cheesy2:

eww  :-X lol

i wanna sit in front of him next time  ::) lol

think i'll try that  ::) lol

i know
iv tried it  ::)

LOL :rotfl:

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo !!!  :faint:

id have to go n kill myself  :crazy2:

LOL  :rotfl:

here's a wet tom hopper

Tom has posed naked for the October issue of Cosmopolitan UK edition. He is the latest of many UK actors, sportsmen and musicians to pose naked for the magazine in aid of the mens cancer charity Everman :drools:

cum across another :drool2:

and more :drools:

and more :drools:

a few more wetties :drool:

i wanna slave  :cheesy2:

i luv this pic  ::)

i luv bums  :drool:
:thankyou: