@nilserrocha:
In my teenage, around my 16.
In this time, I thought was bi, but my eyes was keeping my attention in the every muscle of my friendsβ¦
Well, I identify as "bi," and I would've been staring at muscles as well. It's a little like deciding you only like latina women because you're hanging around one and can't stop looking at her breasts, that logic. Β
β¦ my story, I was 11. I started masturbating very early, I found out how to do it by humping the bed, and once my father gave me the "sex talk," I realized that what I'd already been doing for several years was simulating the sensation of having sex. The hysteria some people seem to feel at the idea of educating your kids about sex as it really exists always seems silly to me, because I figured so much out about it with really no help before seventh grade.
I used to be subscribed to this Disney magazine published for young adults, and they were doing a piece on Free Willy (ironically named for the impact that movie had on my young life). I realized I wanted to masturbate when looking at pictures of that lead in that role while he was in his swimwear, I think he was like 13 at the time, but I was definitely 11.
So, I whip it out and go for it, and when I finished, I realized β wait, this is that "gay" thing I keep hearing about ... I'd done the same thing many times before because I'd see a picture or a movie, over women and men, but this was the first time I realized what it actually meant about me.
I suffered no huge identity crisis or anything (though I did keep that side of myself a complete secret for at least 7 more years), I'm not sure why. I just shrugged my shoulders and went with it. I had many crushes in the years to follow, celebrities or friends, haha β¦ I would even sneak and smuggle out my sisters' Tiger Beat magazines to stare at the pinups, or when I could work up the courage, I'd walk to the store myself and buy one (once I'd turned 13). I had a particularly strong crush on Jonathan Taylor Thomas, who's exactly the same age as me, after I saw him in that movie with Chevy Chase. He was all over those magazines.
My father found those magazines once, along with a sears catalogue for women's underwear, underneath my bed. I still remember the perplexed look on his face. It wasn't computing for him. Β He never talked to me about it.