Posts made by coryzinho

Tom and Matt were best of friends, they played football every single week for nearly 50 years.

As they were getting older, they had an argument about whether people play football in heaven.

So they agreed that whoever dies first will come back in a dream and let the other one know if they really do play football in heaven.

A few years go by and Matt passed away. He kept his promise and visited Tom in a dream.

"Tom, you were right! They play football up here and not only that, they have your name for starting quarterback!"

"Oh wow!!! That's amazing!!"

"Well," replies Matt. "Here's the thing…they have you playing tomorrow night"

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/15/Football-in-Heaven#TFrobsXYDL1I4D9H.99

Here is a simple 3 step method to find out who your best friend REALLY is! This method will work, but one person might be a little mad at you for a while…

3 STEP PLAN

Step 1: Lock both your spouse and your dog in the trunk of the car.

Step 2: Wait 2-3 days.

Step 3: Open the trunk.

Which one is happy to see you??

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/16/How-to-find-out-who-your-best-friend-is#8fdC1sHkmKDXO7sY.99

An Engineer dies and goes to hell. He's hot and miserable, so he decides to take action. The A/C has been busted for a long time, so he fixes it. Things cool down quickly.

The moving walkway motor jammed, so he unjams it. People can get from place to place more easily.

The TV was grainy and unclear, so he fixes the connection to the Satellite dish and now they get hundreds of high def channels.

One day, God decides to look down on Hell to see how his grand design is working out and notices that everyone is happy and enjoying umbrella drinks. He asks the Devil what's going on?

The Devil replies, "Things are great down here since you sent us that engineer."

"What?? An engineer? I didn't send you one of those, that must have been a mistake. Send him back up right this minute."

The Devil responds, "No way! We are going to keep our engineer. We like this guy."

God demands, "If you don't send him to me immediately, I'll sue!"

The Devil laughs. "Where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/17/An-Engineer-accidentally-goes-to-Hell-instead-of-Heaven#L5ekE6G8AuHuwH3F.99

There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.

The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00

The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"

Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/18/The-intelligence-game#j8lCJoZuI2d93X2q.99

During a visit to the local mental institute, John asked the Director during a tour how to determine whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.

"It's simple actually," said the Director. "We fill up a bathtub, then we offer a Teaspoon, a Teacup and a Bucket to the patient. We ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Ohhhh, I understand. "Obviously a normal person would choose the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No. A normal person would pull the plug and let it drain. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/19/The-Bathtub-Test-for-Insanity#fryyF0Ccd5o0Air0.99

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."
"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."
"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/20/Sherlock-Holmes-and-Dr-Watson-Go-Camping#QYTesyT6LkmfvM6d.99

An 86 year-old man is out fishing. He was sitting in his boat when he heard a voice say,

"Pick me up!"

He looked around and did not see any one. He thought he was dreaming until he heard the voice again.

"Pick me up." The old man looked in the water and there, floating on a lilly pad was a frog.

The man said, "Are you talking to me?"

The frog replied, "Yes, I'm talking to you. Pick me up. Then, kiss me and I'll turn into the most beautiful woman you have
ever seen. I'll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because you will have me as your bride."

The man looked at the frog for a minute in confusion, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.

The frog screamed, "What, are you nuts? Didn't you hear what I said?? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride!"

He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said,

"Nah, at my age I'd rather have a talking frog."

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/21/The-Talking-Frog#Ckf0PFYMlWsWo00r.99

A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone when it comes to pure strength.

He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workers at the job site. After several minutes of ranting, the older worker had had enough.

"Why don't you put your money where your mouth is and challenge me to a strength competition," he said. "I will bet an entire week's pay that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back."

"You're on, old man. Let's see what you got," the young boaster replied.

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said,

"All right, hop in."

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/22/Strong-Man-Contest#ULk2pLkLKb85ujQU.99

A loving couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were just terrible kids always getting in trouble.

Running out of ideas, they decided to look to the church.

They heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children in the past, so they called him, and he agreed to give a shot. He asked to see the boys individually, so the eight-year-old was sent to meet with him first. The clergyman sat the boy down and asked him sternly, "Now where is God?"

The boy made no response, so the clergyman repeated the question even louder, "Where is God!?"

Again the boy made no attempt to answer, so the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face, "WHERE IS GOD!?"

The boy suddenly ran out of the room, ran directly home, and slammed himself in his closet. His older brother followed him into the closet and said, "What happened?"

The younger brother replied, "We are in a BIG mess of trouble this time. God has gone missing and they think WE did it!"

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/23/Where-is-God-#k45S3jd7icEdR8w4.99

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away.

The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for only $150."

The man thought about it and decided he would just have her shipped home for $5000.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150 ?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man called Jesus Christ died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead…I just can't take that chance."

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/24/Risky-Burial#Fz0tjMhbqXrKdy54.99

A biker was riding along the beach when suddenly the sky formed clouds above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "You have been very faithful to me, so I will grant you one wish."

Stunned and confused, the biker pulled over, looked up, and said, "Build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want!"

The Lord replied, "Your request is materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the ocean! The amount of concrete and steel it would take to build! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."

The biker sat and thought about it for a long time. Finally he looked up and said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make a woman truly, truly happy."

The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/25/A-Bridge-to-Hawaii#o3bqQZk7PQkgbkGC.99

A state trooper pulled over a car going just 19 miles per hour on the highway. As the officer approached the car, he noticed it was two elderly women and they both looked very pale and wide-eyed.

"Good afternoon ladies. Do you know why I am pulling you over?" asked the trooper.

"I'm terribly sorry if I did something wrong but I know I was not speeding" said the driver.

"Well, that is true, you weren't speeding…but you were going entirely too slow on a highway and that is equally as dangerous."

"No, Officer. I was going exactly the speed limit...19 miles per hour!"

The trooper laughed a little to himself. "Mam', this is Highway 19. That is not the speed limit, but simply the name of this highway."

Very embarressed, the elderly driver grinned and thanked the trooper over and over for informing her of the mistake.

"But before I let you go, I have to ask... are you guys feeling okay? You both look awfully shaken."

"Oh sure, we will be fine. We just got off of Highway 120"

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/26/Highway-Speed-Trap#yut2vGlRySYTH1lU.99

I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom, but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, 'I'm doing just fine."

And the other guy says: "So, what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm just traveling for work."

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No…..I'm a little busy right now!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. Some guy is in the other stall answering all my questions."

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/27/Awkward-Restroom-Chat#eeYjPgKTqv90WbkS.99

A young blonde was on vacation in the swamps of Louisiana. She really wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes to bring back for her boyfriend but didn't want to pay the high prices the local stores were charging.

After becoming very frustrated with the local shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper replied, "Good luck! Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, and he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, rope in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She lunges, wraps herself around the beast and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more alligators all tied up.

Completely amazed, the shopkeeper got out of his car and walked toward the young lady.

Just then the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts up at the shopkeeper, "Ugh! This one isn't wearing shoes either!!"

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/28/Alligator-Shoes#Ib0WUpR7JU32S5Zq.99

A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner. A local politician and member of the congregation was to give a speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say a few words while they waited.

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, screwed over his closest friends, and taken a lot of drugs. I was appalled. But as the days went on I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies at being late. He immediately started his speech.

"I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived, In fact, I had the honor of being the first one to go to him in confession."

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/29/Be-On-Time#shYSZ0caIjd4Q6Yk.99

On his 60th birthday, Jeff bought himself a brand new Corvette convertible. He took off down the road, flooring it to 80 mph and enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left on his head.

"This is great," he thought as he roared down the Florida highway. He decided to see how fast this baby could really go pushing the pedal to the metal. He looked in his rear view mirror and saw a State Trooper behind him, blue lights flashing and siren blaring.

"I can get away from him with no problem" Jeff thought as he flew down the road at over 150 mph.

But then it suddenly hit him. "What am I doing? I'm too old for this kind of thing."

He pulled over to the side of the road and waited for the trooper to catch up with him. The trooper pulled in behind the Corvette and walked up to the car.

"Sir, my shift ends in 10 minutes and today is Friday. If you can give me a reason why you were speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."

Jeff looked at the Trooper and said, "Years ago my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper…I thought you were bringing her back"

"Have a great day," said the Trooper.

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Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/30/Excuse-for-Speeding#OVKAQq03DBFVmbHt.99

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile…..somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: January 10, 2013
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/31/Husband-Email-Fail#zhi8yRsKl7syIIue.99

Passengers on a small plane are waiting for the flight to leave. They're getting a little impatient, but the airport staff assures them the pilots will be there soon, and then the flight can take off.

Finally the entrance opens, and two men dressed in Pilots' uniforms walk up the aisle. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a white cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as though the plane will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.

At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane really is in good hands.

Meanwhile, in the cockpit, the pilot turns to the co-pilot and says, "You know, Jim one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're all gonna die."

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/32/Blind-Pilots#7rwtLoartEqg1DxE.99

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative defense:

"My client merely inserted his arm into the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."

"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany it or not, as he chooses."

The defendant smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/33/Creative-Lawyer#KO0olQDew66GBHZi.99

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."

Read more at http://www.sunnyskyz.com/funny-jokes/34/Mother-s-Day#jhiwM4dW3UFXXFzj.99