At this risk of revealing too much personal information, here's part of my life story:
I've known I felt urges towards other boys for pretty much all my life. I remember having a huge crush on a boy at age 6 in grade one. I somehow also knew for all my life that other people didn't always accept that I liked boys, so I sought to control who knew and/or who found out. I didn't tell anyone myself prior to meeting my first love interest. And what I told him was: I'm curious to explore these feelings, but I don't want anyone else to know.
I think it hurt him deeply, over our four year relationship, that I didn't want anyone to know how we felt about each other. My not being out to my parents while still living at home, denied him full inclusion into my family at special occasions (such as family dinners for birthday parties and special days like Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas.) He was there, yes, but the reason for him being there was never disclosed, and I always had another person there, a woman, to cover. (She was actually older, closer in age to my mother, and I suspect my mom may have thought, for a time, I was a cougar chaser :blink: ) In the end, my not being out ended our relationship… or was a major stress factor that heavily contributed to the breakup.
Shortly after we broke up, I came out to my mom. On "National Coming Out Day" no less.
It took me quite a while to spit out the words to my mom... and in the process she was kinda worried about what I was trying to say. When I finally got it out... she said: Is that all?? I was worried you'd killed someone or something! (I think she was joking... but her point was unmistakable: I was still her son and she was going to accept me as I was.)
Since that time, I have still tired to control who knows. Maybe I am a control freak, or maybe I don't want people gossiping about me... to this day I still don't know why I care who knows?!? I do know I was fired from a job, more or less because of it, although of course they didn't say that when they said "Nick, it's just not working out..." after 3 years of nothing but great feedback but shortly after they found out about my sexuality. There are still many days when I think I am treated differently because of it... but the truth is even if I didn't tell them, they'd probably still suspect and treat me differently if that was their inclination. The older you get, the harder it gets for others to not see something different about you. (Than the supposed 90% of society that is not GBLTQ.)
So the long and the sort of it... for me is this. You HAVE to come out to yourself. Say the words "I'm gay" (or bi or whatever) to yourself in private... learn to accept yourself. When you're comfortable with that... decide if you want to tell anyone else... but if you do, be prepared to help them realize why you want them to know... so they can accept you as you have accepted yourself.
:true:
:hapgay:
