My dad never hugged me untill i was 20
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so wanna disccuss with u this mainly
my dad really never hugged me untill i was 20 and then we both cried
but it was too late i already was searching for other's hug?
i think this affected me somehow and that im aattracted to older men
what do u think? -
Wow, I'm sorry. Mine had a hard time showing his emotions but it wasn't that extreme. I'd have to say yes, only because three friends of mine who grew up without or estranged from their Fathers all had serious grey fox fever. Not that it is a bad thing, older guys are typically more appreciative, better "fixed", and more shall we say "forgiving". My only warning would be that in most cases it fizzles because they are in two very different places in life.
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well yes and thats causing a problem
we aren't at the same level
i want to experience lots of things still i love him and want nothing but him -
I had a brief fling with an older guy when I was 22 and he was 48. He was WAY past the club thing, and a lot of other things that were part of my life then. Despite my best efforts to get him to come, he always encouraged me to go ahead with my friends, he would see me later.. and he always did lol. It was a fun summer, he spoiled me terribly - despite my repeated warnings it wasn't going anywhere. I had to return to College, and he knew that when we started seeing each other. A few years later when I was done with college my views and sights on pretty much everything were different. I was just starting life, he was closer to the back side of it.. We both wanted different things. We both lead very different lives.
So I guess what i am saying is what seems to simple and clear to you now - trust me it will change later and unless he is in complete denial he knows that. Want to have a fling? It can be a sweet experience, just don't get attached. In a few years time you will totally understand this conversation.. I swear.
If you are looking to begin an LTR, I would try to stay + or - 10 years of where you are now. Again, just friendly advise.
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I wonder if there's a correlation between being gay and having father issues. I always wondered.
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My personal experience says no. I was smitten with boys in kindergarten, and my dad got zero involvement in that. I find the whole "incest" line some porn sites have been pumping out really disturbing, and a total boner killer. For decades gay men have fought to fend off the "sexual deviate" thing, these sites set the cause back to the stone age with crap like that. Gross.
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While my dad and I were close when I was younger, there's definitely a disconnect between us now. We barely share any hobbies/interest and most of the time I find it hard to make small talk with him.
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I'm sorry to hear that. Unfortunately my Father passed away before I came out. I'd like to think we would have remained close. Did you guys have any shared interests before you came out? Perhaps if you reached out to him on that level, you might be able to reconnect? I think it is natural that Fathers and sons do a bit of drifting apart, even without the "gay" thing. My father was a huge NASCAR fan. Much as I detested it, I would go with him to the races feigning interest just to be close to him.
We had a really tumultuous relationship in my early teens, I blame myself for some of that - I was acting out and rebelling as a lot of kids do. By 16 I had it out of my system, and we reconnected over a shared love of old cars. He died when I was 17, and I was thankful we had that time to make peace. He was gone when I came out, but I'd like to think we would have remained connected.
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I wonder if there's a correlation between being gay and having father issues. I always wondered.
Plenty of homosexuals have had healthy relationships with their parents. If bad parenting was a factor in being gay, the percentage of gay people in the world would be WAY higher.
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Sorry to hear that; mine is dead since i am 1 years old so … yeah-
I only recently noticed how much i lacked a Man lovingly touch in my life... and yes, i am into older man too. -
at least you still hug each other.. never too late to show ones love and appreciation. a dad will always be a dad
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Is your dad really strict, because usually those are the ones that tend to hide something, or just deal with things in a very weird way. My father was the same way, so.
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Sorry to hear that. My father is a bit distant but not that much and I still feel it affects me
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I am sorry to read your struggles with your father, and I can totally relate. I have absolutely zero memories of my father OR my mother hugging me. When, lately after college, I confronted them about that, they confirmed to me they never did, it was not part of their personality or parenthood skills. Relationship with them was very brainy, just words and no physical contact. I think my need of a partner with whom having not only sex but also lots of tender moments and cuddling comes from that.
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Another very interesting Forum topic resurrected from the Forum of old...
Personally, I try to avoid "direct causal relationships" from my childhood to my adult life. I think the "3D matrix" that makes up the formula that determines who and what we're attracted to (sexually, socially, and every other way) is so complex that no 1 piece is likely responsible for "all" of it...
To wit: yes, the absence of physical love or emotion from your parents likely will impact your desire for that later in life (wanting to fill a void, so to speak)... but your choice of who to fill that void is less likely tied to that than you would think.
I have worked as a counselor (church) for many people who have had "parental love" issues... some blamed that for their sex-addiction (mostly straight, tho some gay as well)... more than a majority of those people also fantasized about sex with a parent or parent-like person. (My point is: that's not a "gay" thing, that's a "human" thing!)
For me personally, I've always been attracted to men in their 30's and 40's... when I was a teen, I was attracted to them... when I was in my 30's and 40's I was attracted to them, and now in my late 50's I'm still lusting after guys in their 30's and 40's... My first "real" boyfriend (live-in) was 12 years older than me (22-34), and my current boyfriend is 20 years younger than me (58-38)!
I certainly agree with the generalized comment that mixed-generation relationships can be fraught with challenges... but people in relationships always change! It's only human! What makes a relationship work is how you adapt together to each others' changes. I've known plenty of same-aged relationships that have failed because "they changed" and they couldn't adjust... and I've known a few x-gen relationships that have lasted decades - because as they changed, they adjusted and accepted each other. IMHO, that's what LOVE is!
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@bi4smooth It's cool to read other people's experiences in matter of relationship in a context that is NOT for hook-ups!
Of course there is no clear one-to-one relation btw childhood experiences and adult relationships, especially in terms of being in a gay or straight relationship. However, I know that I have always looked for a man (way) older than me, and I think I will always. Dunno if father figure, but it makes me feel more at ease, more relaxed, it feels more... right, more appropriate to how I live a relationship and my sexuality. -
We are "taught" by our mass media (whether porn, or billboard advertising, or whatever) that there are certain things we must prefer...
- smooth twinks
- hairy hunks
- chiseled torsos
- long hair
- tattoos
Personally, I find many of those turn-offs (a small tattoo is fine, but covered in tats? not my thing: even studios I normally collect, I'll pass on, for example, Chris Damned... I'm sure he's a lovely man in person, but I'm no more attracted to his over-tatted body than I am to Roseanne Barr's!)
That doesn't make me judgemental - I've long held that gay "sexual tastes" are a "rainbow of fruity flavors"!
I like watching twinks have sex - but I like 'em even more as they age into their late 20's! (I hear Helix's Jessie Montgomery is considering a comeback! I'd LOVE to see that! Even if his costars would likely be literally half his age! LOL (No, not quite really half his age - Jessie came to Helix in 2012. If you ASSUME he was 18 then, he's 28 now... but still, that's close enough to 30 for me! LOL)
But can someone please tell me why ALL "daddies" shown in gay porn have to have hairy chests & beards? (one exception: LeGrand Wolf - tho he does have a hairy chest)
As much as "twinks" and "daddies" are the hot thing now, in my youth, the "gay norm" was guys with mustaches and hairy chests! Eww for me, then and now!
Not trying to hijack the conversation tho - I think you're attracted to who you're attracted to by a "matrix" of inputs - some environmental, some biological, some social.
Also, hearkening back to the original post: I do NOT believe homosexuality is caused by a lack of a loving father figure in childhood. While that may be a part, I've known plenty of 100% straight men who had issues with their fathers!
IMHO, more gays had issues with their fathers growing up - not because their fathers were "turning them gay", but because their fathers were uncomfortable with their gay sons! (not having a close relationship to your father didn't make you gay - rather, being gay caused you to have a lesser relationship with your father... and in as much as you were a kid then, that's on your father, not you!)
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My dad never hugged either but that never bothered me.
I think I'm gay because of my deranged mother though. I realized I never wanted to go through the torment my dad did marrying a crazy woman.
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There is an episode of Southpark where Mr. Mackey wonders why his father never loved him.
https://southpark.cc.com/video-clips/o2y8lq/south-park-why-not
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@lololulu19 Of course, as South Park can't have a touching moment without a perverse one in the same show, the (sometimes) transsexual teacher Mr. Garrison also wonders why his own father didn't find him worthy enough to molest him.
In real life, my dad was not a big hugger, it's hard to recall receiving one with any gusto. Our family is Scandinavian/German, and it's a broad stereotype (but in this case, accurate) that culturally, they are not very demonstrative.
