Posts made by mufum69

mufum69

:drool: :drool2: :drool:

mufum69

No never…came close though.

TPBM has a saran wrap fetish...lol

mufum69

Niiice Cock!!! :bj2:

mufum69

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work.
One wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror,
she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.

"Oh my God - Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out the window. My husband's home early!"

"I can't jump out the window ~ It's raining out there!"

"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.

"He's got a hot temper and a gun, so the rain is the least of your problems!"

So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!
As he ran down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the city's annual marathon, so he started running along beside the others, about 3000 of them.

Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to blend in as best he could. After a little while a small group of runners who had been watching him with some curiosity, jogged closer.

"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.

"Oh yes!" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free!"

Another runner moved a long side. "Do you always run carrying your clothes with you under your arm?"

"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"

Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried, "Do you always wear a condom when you run? "

"Nope…......just when it's raining."

mufum69

The BLACK PANTIES

Karen lost her husband almost four years ago and still
hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage. Her daughter
is constantly calling her and urging her to get back
into the world. Finally, Karen says she'd go out, but
didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies:
"Mom! I have someone for you to meet.

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another
and after dating for six weeks, he asks her to join him
for a weekend in the Catskills.

Their first night there, she undresses as he does.
There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy
panties, he in his birthday suit.

Looking at her he asks: "Why the black panties?" She
replies: "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours
to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."

He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The
following night the same scenario. She's standing there
with the black panties on, and he is in his birthday
suit … except that he is wearing a black condom.

She looks at him and asks: "What's with this black
condom?"

He replies: "I want to offer my deepest condolences."

mufum69

Here's a nice article about Freddie Mercury

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/lists/freddie-mercury-10-things-you-didnt-know-queen-singer-did-w451918

mufum69

@JohnEryn:

@joelcheng:

I never use lube

Same here. I don't even spit on my cock, I prefer the raw feeling of jerking off as dry as it gets. ::)

Makes 3 of us ;D

A friend uses olive oil. I bet it leaves his skin so soft. ;D

mufum69

@hilfiger06:

If you do it well :cheesy2:

Agree with hilfiger, but then i'm getting old

mufum69

My last relationship lasted 5 years and was monogamous for once

TPBM likes to dress in sexy ladies clothes ;D

mufum69

I quit smoking 14 years ago and really can't see myself with somebody who smokes
Just wouldn't want to kiss them.
Don't know how anybody ever kissed me when i was a smoker.
:puke:

mufum69

Try Pornolab they have just as much or more stuff.
or Pornbay

mufum69

They're not giving out any invites
They gave out only 2 invites a while back to sextreme perv or higher classes
Which illuminates 99.9% of the members
So the odds are slim you'll get one

mufum69

A young doctor had moved out to a small community to replace the retiring
country doctor. The older doctor suggested the young one accompany him on
his rounds so the community could become used to a new doctor.

At the first house a woman complained, "I've been a little sick to my
stomach." The older doctor said, "Well, you've probably been overdoing the
fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount you've been eating and see if
that does the trick?" As they left the younger man said, "You didn't even
examine that woman. How did you arrive at your diagnosis so quickly?" "I
didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope on the floor in
there? When I bent over to pick it up, I noticed a half-dozen banana peels
in the trash. That was what was probably making her sick."

"Huh," the younger doctor said, "pretty clever. I think I'll try that at
the next house." Arriving at the next house, they spent several minutes
talking with a younger woman. She complained that she just didn't have the energy she
once did. "I'm feeling terribly run down lately." "You've probably been
doing too much work for the church," the younger doctor told her. "Perhaps
you should cut back a bit and see if that helps."

As they left, the elder doc said, "Your diagnosis is almost certainly
correct, but how did you arrive at it?" "Well, just as you did at the
last house, I dropped my stethoscope and when I bent down to retrieve it,
I noticed the preacher under the bed."
Reply

mufum69

A guy out on the golf course takes a high speed ball right in the Crotch.
Writhing in agony, he falls to the ground.
As soon as he could manage, he took himself to the doctor.
He said "How bad is it doc?….I'm going on my honeymoon next week and my fiancé's still a virgin - in every way"
The doctor told him, "I'll have to put your willie in a splint to let it heal and keep it straight. It should be okay next week."
He took four tongue depressors and formed a neat little 4 sided splint, and taped it all together; ...an impressive work of art.
The guy mentions none of this to his girl, marries her, and goes on their honeymoon.
That night in the hotel room, she rips open her blouse to reveal her beautiful breasts.
She said, "You're the first; no one has EVER touched these."
He immediately drops his pants and replies, ......

"That's nothing.....Look at this,....still in the CRATE!"

mufum69

A Scotsman, an Englishman and a Newfoundlander were sitting in a bar in
Toronto. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, the food exceptional.

"As good as this is," said the Scotsman, "I still prefer the pubs back
home.

In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out
of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he will buy the fifth
drink for you."

"Well, Angus," said the Englishman, "At my local in London, the Red Lion,
the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."

"Ahhh, dat's nothin'," said the Newfie. "Back home in Sin Jahn's there's
the Codfish Bar. The moment you set foot in the place, they'll buy you a
drink, then another, all the drinks you like, actually. Then, when you've had
enough drinks, they'll take you upstairs and see dat you gets laid, all on
the house!"

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately shout down the Newfie's claims,
but he swears every word is true.

"Well," said the Englishman, still suspicious. "Did this actually happen
to you?"

Not me meself, personally, no," admitted the Newf. "But it did happen to
me sister quite a few times."

mufum69

Deer Santa,
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. I'v ben a gud boy
all yeer. Yer Friend, Billy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawncare. How about I send you a book so you can learn to read and spell? I'm giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell. Santa

Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for is peace and joy in the world for everybody! Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they? Santa

Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do. Love, Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your frigid mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream. Let me send you some Legos instead. Santa

Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation 2, a train, some G.I. Joes, a dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba. Love, Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay. I'll set you up with a Barbie. Santa

Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left carrots for your reindeer outside the back door. Love, Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the shits and carrots make the deer fart in my face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Leave me a bottle of Scotch. Santa

Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys? Your friend, Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made in China . I have a condo in Vegas where I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table. Hey, you wanted to know. Santa

Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake, like in the song? Love, Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping your house. Santa

Dear Santa,
I really want a puppy this year. Please, please, please, PLEASE,
PLEASE could I have one? Love, Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging shit may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't work with me. You're getting a sweater again. Santa

Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house. How do you get into our home? Love, Marky

Dear Mark,
First stop callling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass whipped at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a low-rent apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad just like the boogeyman does, through your bedroom window. Sweet dreams, Santa
Reply

mufum69

:lovp:

mufum69

@JerodParker:

You forget to add the ending line.

…
The boy asks "Well, did you jump?"
"A little bit, at first."

:clap2:

mufum69

I dumped utorrent years ago
I've been using qbittorrent for a while and am quite happy with it.
It's a lot like utorrent so easy to configure.
Been testing out deluge lately. Can't say much wrong with it but i'll see in time if I like it

mufum69

I also use private internet access. Works for me and the price is right