Posts made by flozen

I went to a library and couldn't find a single book on how to commit suicide.

Apparently no one returns them.

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My partner said that onions are the only food that makes him cry, so just to be sure, I threw a coconut at him.

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Today a nice old lady came to my door.

She asked for a small donation toward the local swimming pool.

I gave her a glass of water.

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I've been looking for my ex-boyfriend's killer for two years, but so far, no one will do it.

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My father told me that marriage is like a deck of cards.

In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.

By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

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I'm opting for cremation, because it's my last chance for a smoking hot body.

@Commander88:

I am kind of trying to make some money online as I live alone, I have no sponsors, no family, minimum wage job and I am trying to finish my uni… somehow. The point is, that If I could make at least something, it would really help me.

I'm sorry to hear about your current tough situation.  Trying to stay afloat with a job that doesn't pay well, coupled with the steep cost of uni, means you might need to think beyond just variations on old-school porn sites.

There are people making good (and in some cases, very good) money modeling in adult video-cam entertainment, where the start-up and overhead costs are low and the hours are incredibly flexible because you determine when, and how often.  Chaturbate is one cam site that comes to mind.  Many men and women begin with the modeling as a second income stream, and the ones who excel gain their principal revenue from it.

You mention that you have no immediate family and live alone, which is plus in this scenario.  But if you live in a country where being identified risks your life, then cams absolutely are not an option.  If your uni is religious and you don't want to transfer to a public option, cams are out, as well.

Cam show performers often develop niche audiences for a specific (and yes, often fetish) performance style. As well, to be frank, cams are ideal venues for performers with faces and bodies that are less than perfect.

While some cam models have the boilerplate, muscular look, many others have a single exceptional quality – beautiful chest hair, big OR tiny dick, uniforms, painted toenails, verbal style, swinging testicles, piercings, obese and proud -- if you can imagine it, there's a market for it.  And significant revenue can come from the "private show" options, so a few recurring patrons can mean a nice income stream.

To sum it up -- a cam is clearly not for everyone, but it's an option for some.

Oh, both are good, but I'll have my ass slapped at a party by someone's boyfriend as he walks to the bathroom.

Then I'll meet him in the bathroom.

:love:   :love:   :love:   :love:   :love:   :love:

VALENTINE'S DAY THIS or THAT:

Die after your cheating boyfriend pushes you into an abandoned well, fracturing your left arm and right leg during the fall, and for days you call in vain for help, surviving by drinking puddles of stagnant water and eating frogs and worms while lying in your own filth, only to die of blood loss, punctured organs and dysentery after a week.

OR

Die after your drunken boyfriend flips the car on the way home from your Valentine's dinner, and while he exits the vehicle with only a scratch, you are pinned down with a shattered pelvis, while he incoherently lights up a cigarette and tosses the match, igniting the ruptured gas tank so that you burn to death in 10 agonizing minutes.

:love:   :love:   :love:   :love:   :love:   :love:

@raphjd:

For drinking straight on ice, then it has to be Irish whiskey.

Now that we're in the depths of winter, give me the brown liquors, both whiskey AND bourbon.  Plus, on the coldest nights, a glass of port.

Back to "drinking straight" – and there's a joke in there somewhere -- yes, Irish whiskey is a fine thing, in a large tumbler to complement my admirably large hands.     Crystal, if at all possible, and Waterford never hurt anyone.

It's cocktail time in my neck of the woods.

I'm listening to The Man I Love by Zebedy Colt, a 1960s/70s/80s Pansexual Porn Actor, Director, and Singer, among his many talents.  And the London Philharmonic Orchestra!

Youtube Video

There's no actual video, but you'll be listening to a time capsule, a piece of gay history and overall, a true curiosity.

More detail on Zebedy…

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zebedy_Colt

@Cuervos626:

Anything Neon could word. However, see this feminine [bgcolor=#f6adc6]Nadeshiko Pink[/bgcolor]. Super kawaii isn't it?

That's super kawaii (cute). and since your color ends with K, I will choose…

KHAKI, which requires an "I" color.   :cool2:

I'm baffled about aspects of this dialogue, addressing long-ago issues and original posts quoted from 2015.

After looking back, it appears that years ago, a small number of members bombarded the Jokes section with five, 10 jokes a day, hence the origin of this complaint thread.

There's hasn't been a "joke flood" in quite some time, and if a member felt one developed in the future, it's probably much more useful to ask help from an Admin or Moderator.

I do see a point made in this thread which holds true today – it's not a good idea to flood the Jokes section (or ANY section) with dozens of emoji-only responses or trite, three-word observations.

With that said, a priest, a rabbi and a minister are standing at the Pearly Gates...    :crazy2:

I'd choose Japanese, but that violates the caveat that you can currently speak neither Russian nor Arabic.

So, I'll choose Arabic, more places to visit (albeit with great care).

T or T:

You've gone to Hell (and well-deserved, I might add).  You're strapped to a chair in the middle of a dimly lit room, with a TV at the center that is set to one program for eternity.

Big Brother or any Real Housewives?

@yayahiloude:

make a female friend who has gay friends and steal the ones you like

So far, this thread has been really interesting, containing some good advice on making friends when you're past 30, 40, and so on.

The response from yayahiloude made me laugh and it's good advice, except you can SHARE your female friends' gay pals, rather than STEAL them, of course.

The tips from JohnAllenson about types of groups to join are also very on target.

And I agree with the posters who have made friends from a computer-matched "coffee date" or any "first date" that doesn't click sexually.  As long as no one gets catty when the "sexual interest" fails to appear, imperfect dates can turn into great friends.

@feelfree123:

I'm so sorry. I wasn't expecting something like that.

:hug:

OK, so you're asking members to share something scary, and then a nice guy shares a scary tale that resonates within our gay culture, but you weren't "expecting something like that."

Can you help us contribute by being more specific about types of frightening moments that belong in this thread?

Why not take a little time and tell us one of your own scary stories – that might help!

When I decide to try it, you'll be the first to know.    :cheesy2:

@qestthume:

Do we really need to be worrying about that kind of audience?

I'll start with not worrying about your officious posts.

I understand that you no longer find the show funny, but we're also trying to focus on the root cause and potential impact of the show's new "don't offend the gays" policy.

Family Guy has a large U.S. audience and international syndication, so when LGBT representation is subject to change, we feel it's something worth talking about.

@qestthume:

Family Guy hasn't been funny for at least the past seven years so all of this is irrelevant.

It's irrelevant to you, fine.  As well, Copernicus clearly was mistaken when he said the planets circle the Sun, for surely they must revolve around you, and only you.

The easiest This or That I will ever encounter…

Horror -- I am saving the remake of Suspiria for V-Day to watch with a platonic pal.  The film is nearly 2.5 hours long, and we took a peek at the first 30 minutes, very promising, and zero sweetness, lol.

THIS or THAT or THE OTHER:

You're on a game show, and you have won a hot tub, a pair of kayaks, or a home gym?

OMG, Cousin Geri… checked her Wiki page, still among us, and working in recent years.  Married to a guy, divorced, and now lesbian -- well, why not?

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geri_Jewell

Her 2011 biography is entitled I'm Walking as Straight as I Can, so, pretty sure she would have no issues with Family Guy gay (or disability) jokes.  She would also appreciate the irony of your calling her a "standup" comedian.  :cheesy2:

And back to Family Guy the list of characters who are LGBT (main characters, recurring or guest) is a long one, and how they will be funny without referencing their sexuality, I dunno.

https://familyguyfanon.fandom.com/wiki/Category:LGBT_Characters

This post dedicated to Peter's hardcore sister, Karen Griffin…

@raphjd:

I think they published it either to virtue signal or to appease the liberal mobs.

Well, raphjd, I am surely your most beloved liberal/progressive, and even as such, I find the announced Family Guy changes to be ill-conceived cucking in the name of political correctness.  The show will be weaker for losing the bawdy jokes aimed at the gay characters, particularly as there was often a basis of truth in each jab.  And that in itself was funny.  We're strong enough to laugh at ourselves here, imho.

Oddly enough, if I had to censor any of the jokes, it would be some of the ones about wheelchair-bound Joe.  When they allude to his limp dick, or having to scoop out his poop (I guess those muscles don't work, too), I think about the (yes, small) numbers of real viewers in that situation.

Yes, welcome, and please don't hesitate to tell us about any fun you're having with current or former members of the Naval Base…  >:D

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Naval_Base_San_Diego

@hottie23:

Would you prefer having sex with a friend who is:

Drunk and not in his senses at all
OR
Not drunk and totally knows exactly what is going on

Having sex with anyone – friend, acquaintance or trick is immaterial -- who is so drunk as to be no longer in control of his or her senses, is sex without consent, which makes the other involved party a douche.

@bobcat666:

Where am I supposed to find a father figure to hold me down and tickle me?

At the risk of being repetitive, church.    :crazy2: