Posts made by jrsite55

13> Driving your fellow Congressman into the turnbuckle now considered acceptable method of ending a filibuster.
    12> President now shouts entire State of the Union address with his face 18 inches from TV camera.
    11> IRS audit replaced by more efficient reverse body slam onto enema.
    10> Government becomes a charade of meaningless noises and lots of posturing by a bunch of inarticulate losers with no class or manners– Hey, wait a minute...
    9> Free school lunches destined for the needy instead go to the biggest, meanest, stupidest kid in each school.
    8> Sex scandals now involve even skankier women.
    7> January 20: Inauguration ceremonies January 21: FDA approves over-the-counter sale of steroids.
    6> Newt Gingrich is finally able to wear his mask and cape out of the house.
    5> During House debate, it is acceptable to yield to the gentleman wielding a folding chair.
    4> Difficult finding interns willing to accommodate an entire pouch of Skoal.
    3> Strom Thurmond finally removed by The Undertaker.
    2> Line to bodyslam Ken Starr winds around Lincoln Memorial.
    1> Before: Mr. Vice President      After: Stone Cold Cheney
Back

Q: What does XXX stand for in a porno film?

A: It's the signature of the three blondes who "act" in it.

One day two blondes walk into a perfume shop. The one blonde picks up a bottle of perfume that is titled "Viens Chez Moi."
The blonde asks the manager what it means, and the manager says it means, "Come to Me."
So the blonde smells the perfume and asks her friend, "Does this smell like come to you? Because it doesn't smell like come to me."

Why'd the chicken cross the road?
To show the blonde how!

Q: What are the best 10 years of a blonde's life?

A: Third grade.

Q: What did the blonde say when she saw the sign for the YMCA?
A: "Look, they spelled Macy's wrong!"

What's the difference between a blonde and a construction worker?
One lays bricks and the other lays pricks!

What do a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
They both have a black box!

Why do blondes like sunroofs?
More legroom!

A 747 was starting its descent and the pilot had forgotten to turn off the P.A. system.
''As soon as I clock off'' he said, ''I'm going to have a nice cold beer and then screw the arse off that blonde flight attendant.'' The horrified flight attendant made a dash toward the cockpit, but tripped over in the aisle.
A little old lady sitting there whispered, ''There's no need to hurry love, he said he was going to have a beer first.''

What do you call a blond with half a brain?
Gifted

A blonde was at home watching TV with her friends when she heard a noise. She ran out just in time to see a thief drive off in her car.
"Did you see their face?" her friends asked when she came back inside.
"No, but it's okay – I got the license plate number!"

Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
That's where you wash all your vegetables!

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: Give her an M&M bag, and tell her to alphabetize it.

How do you drown a blonde?
Put a scratch-n-sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool.

'"Have you heard my knock-knock joke?" asked the blonde.
"No," said the brunette.
"Okay," said the blonde. "You start."

Q: Why do blondes smile when lightning flashes?

A: Because they think their picture is being taken.

What did the blonde call her pet zebra?
Spot

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best lay in town."
Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him and the drunk wanders off and stands at the far end of the bar.
Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points to the same guy, and says, "I just screwed your mom, and it was swe-e-et!"
Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk wanders off.
Ten minutes later he comes back and announces, "Your mom even let me…"
Finally the guy interrupts: "Go home, Dad - you're drunk!"

Somebody told me the best way to meet women is to do something you enjoy – right away, you have something in common. So, I've spent the past year smoking dope and watching television.