Posts made by jrsite55

Q: Why can't a blonde count to 70?
A: Because 69 is a bit of a mouthful.

Once there was a blonde driving home from work when she saw a sheep farm. She stops and asks the farmer if she can have a sheep. The farmer says "If you can count all my sheep I'll let you have any one you want." The blonde looks around her for a moment and says, "You have 356 sheep." The farmer exclaims, "Wow – you're exactly right. I guess blondes really aren't dumb. Now go pick yourself out a sheep."
The blonde makes her choice, picks it up, comes back to the farmer to thank him. "Oh no," he says, "you can't have that one." "Why not?" asks the blonde, "you said I could have any sheep I wanted." And the farmer says, "Ma'am, that's my dog."

Q: Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back?
A: She crawled across the street when the sign said, ''DON'T WALK.''

Two blondes find a mirror on the sidewalk.
The first blonde picks it up, looks into it and says, "Hey, I know this person! I've seen her somewhere before."
The second blonde takes the mirror, looks into it and says, "Duh! Of course you have – that's me!"

Q: Why did the blonde run with the bike?
A: It was going too fast for her to get on.

A blond gets a new cell phone from her husband.
The next day she goes to Wal-mart and her phone rings, so she answers it.
It was her husband. He says, "How's the new cell phone?"
She replied, "Great…but how did you know I was at Wal-mart?"

She is so blonde that when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice.

A blonde orders a pizza and is asked if she wants it cut into six or 12 pieces.
She responds, "Six, please. I could never eat 12 pieces."

Q: What did the blonde say when she was offered a position at the UN?
A: "Would that be a missionary position?"

Q: What is every blonde's ambition?
A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

Q: Why don't blondes take birth control pills?
A: The pills keep falling out.

Q: What is the difference between a brunette and garbage?
A: At least the garbage gets taken out once a week.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has a brain fart?
A: Her ears flap.

A man notices a blonde sucking on the bottom of a Coke can. Curious, he asks her what she's doing.
"Duh! It says for best taste drink by date on the bottom."

Three women were at the doctor's office for the second trimester check up. The first woman, a brunette, said that she was sure that she would have a girl because when she made love to her husband, she was on top! The second affirmed with certainty that she would have a boy, because she was on bottom. The blonde grabbed her head between her hands.
"Oh, crap! Puppies."

Q: Two blondes are standing on top of the Empire State Building. How can you tell which one is the true blonde and which one is the bleached blonde?
A: The bleached blonde isn't throwing bread crumbs at the helicopters!

Q: On an application form, what does a blonde put down for "sex"?
A: "Lots."

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?" she asks.
The shepherd agrees. She blurts out, "352!"
The shepherd is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.
"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"
"Hey lady," says the shepherd. "If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"

A blonde, brunette and a redhead have a breaststroke race across the English Channel. The brunette comes in first, the redhead comes in second, and the blonde never finishes.
In the lifeboat, the blonde says, "I don't want to be a tattletale, but the other two used their arms."

What are the blonde's first words after 4 years of college?
"Would you like fries with that?"