Posts made by jrsite55

Q: What invention did a blonde come up with that didn't pass the patent board?
A: Ejection seats in helicopters.

A gentleman sits next to a priest on an airplane. He sees the priest doing a crossword puzzle.

Time passes and the priest says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know a four letter word that describes a woman and ends in 'u-n-t'?"

The gentleman thinks about this and finally says, "I believe the word you're looking for is 'aunt.'"

The priest replies, "Oh, you're right. That fits, too. Would you happen to have an eraser?"

Two men debate whether Hawaii is pronounced "HaVaii" or "HaWaii."

They ask a passerby, who answers "Havaii."

"Thank you," says the satisfied first man.

"You're velcome," replies the passerby.

Q: Why does the blonde keep a wire coat hanger in the backseat of her car?
A: In case she locks her keys inside.

Q: What did the blonde say when the airplane began to shake?
A: "Must be an earthquake."

Q: Who has the right of way when four cars approach a four-way stop at the same time?
A: The pick-up truck with the gun rack and the bumper sticker saying, "Guns don't kill people. I do."

Q: When driving through fog, what should you use?
A: Your steering wheel.

Q: What is the difference between a flashing red traffic light and a flashing yellow traffic light?
A: The color.

Q: How do you deal with heavy traffic?
A: Heavy psychedelics.

Q: Why did the blonde take a right into the ditch?
A: Her blinker was on.

Two guys get pulled over while drinking and driving.

The driver tells his friend, "Peel the labels off these beer bottles, and we'll each stick one on our forehead. Now, shove all of the bottles under the front seat. Just let me do all the talking."

The cop walks up and shines his flashlight into the car. "Have you been drinking?" he asks.

"No, sir," the drunk answers. "We haven't had a thing to drink tonight."

"Then what on earth are those beer labels doing on your foreheads?"

"We're both alcoholics," says the drunk. "We're on the patch."

A blonde sees a flier on a bulletin board that reads, "Cruise – Only $5." She goes to the address on the flier and hands the receptionist $5. The receptionist nods to a burly man reading a newspaper. He walks over to the blonde and knocks her unconscious.
The blonde wakes up tied to a log floating down river. To her right, she sees one of her blonde friends. "Do you think they're going to serve food on this trip?" she asks.
Her friend replies, "They didn't last year."

Children in the backseat can cause accidents.
Accidents in the backseat can cause children.

Q: What is the only way to keep your money from the casinos in Las Vegas?

A: When you get off the plane, walk into the propellers.

Q: How are blondes and computers similar?
A: You never appreciate them until they go down on you.

Q: How can you tell a blonde's been using the computer?

A: There's white-out all over the screen.

Q: A blonde and a brunette jumped off a cliff. Who hit bottom first?
A: The brunette – the blonde had to stop and ask for directions.

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

Q: What do you call three blondes at Christmas?
A: Ho, ho, ho!

Q: What is long and hard to a blonde?

A: Fourth grade.

Q: How do blondes' brain cells die?
A: Alone.

Q: Why did the blonde keep taking off the soda's bottle cap and putting it back on?
A: The bottle cap said, "Sorry, try again."

Q: What does a blonde do when it gets cold?
A: She sits by a candle.
Q: What does she do when it gets really cold?
A: She lights it.