Posts made by forgetjack

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun.
"Well," says the bus driver, "every night at 8 o'clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I'm sure you could convince her to have sex with you."
The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her.
"Oh, God!" she exclaims. "Take me with you!" The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they're getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it's over, the man pulls off his God disguise.
"Ha, ha! I'm the man from the bus!"
"Ha, ha!" says the nun, removing her costume. "I'm the bus driver!"

Q: What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor?
A: "Make me one with everything."

Two old people flirt at a seniors' singles bar. After a few drinks, the old man asks the old woman, "If I took you out for a full night of wining, dining and dancing, what would you wear?"

The old woman replies shyly, "Depends… ."

"Depends on what?" he asks.

"On my bottom -- where else?!"

A woman tells her doctor, "My husband is 300% impotent.
The doctor asks her, "I'm not quite sure what you mean. Could you elaborate?"
She replies, "Well, the first part you can imagine, but he also burned his tongue and broke his finger."

A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend.

They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:

"Hello? Oh, hi… I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

An old couple celebrates their 50th wedding anniversary in their home.

"Just think," the old man says, "we were sitting here at this same breakfast table, naked as jaybirds, 50 years ago."

"Well," the old lady snickers, "what do you say – should we get naked?"

The two immediately strip to the buff and sit back down at the table. "You know, honey," the little old lady says slyly, "My breasts burn for you now as they did 50 years ago."

"I'm not surprised," replies the old man. "One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal!"

Satan appeared before a small town congregation. Everyone started screaming and running for the front church door, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away.
Soon everyone was gone except for an elderly gentleman who sat calmly.
Satan walked up to him and said, "Don't you know who I am?"
The man replied, "Yep, sure do."
Satan asked, "Aren't you going to run?"
"Nope, sure ain't," said the man.
Satan asked, "Why aren't you afraid of me?"
The man replied, "Been married to your sister for over 48 years."

A man comes home from work to find his wife sliding down the banister.
"What are you doing?" he asks.
She answers, "Warming up your dinner."

Congratulations on Kathy Bates and Jessica Lange for nominated in Golden Globes…. But I think Finn Wittrock deserves a nomination too

I never play any GTA game before…. Is it good, I heard it releasing out in Steam on early 2015

I thought into the woods is a fantasy film, but come out as a musical fantasy film =.=

Does anyone here like bear muscle guy?

Who is excited for Hobbit!!

He's a spoiled brat, I admit that celebrities had a lot of pressure, but doesn't mean that he can do all these thing

Since Breaking bad has finished, can Game of Thrones won the emmy next year?

It is a miniseries…..

So you work as a nurse now?

Thanks for your help

Sinister make me open my lights when I go to sleep

I'm gonna go with Interstellar though~