Posts made by Dremric

All my life, since I came out, I never thought I'd get married to a man. I'm HIV neg and I've never had an issue with HIV POS men. I've been married 3 times to HIV POS men ALL whom I had LOVED with ALL my heart. But today I suffer with bipolar disorder with anxiety and PTSD watching my husband's suffer their pain during their last days of the passing. I am not one of those men that are attracted to suffering people, I fall in love with the heart of a person not the ego and it just happens that the men I fall in love with are somehow HIV POS.

My current fiancé is HIV POS and I can not get enough of him, I am so dead scared of loosing him that some nights I don't sleep, I just lie next to him staring at him, looking at how beautiful he is sleeping and how lucky I am to have him in my life. Then I find tears falling from my eyes onto my pillow and my heart beating fast scared of loosing just that moment with him, so I put my hand on his chest to feel his heart beating and I whisper to him how much I love him and then I tuck into him for hours while he is still sleeping listening to his breath and feeling his heart against my hand. I am so scared of losing him and I don't know how to tell him. He knows of my previous POS husbands and he has seen my wedding photos of them as I have one of each of them on my wall in our house.

With first husband I've learnt it's all about the memories, so with my second, third and now current partner we travel, go out on picnics, visit family, walk the dogs, visit friends, go on long beach walks, hikes etc, but to tell you the truth, I sob my heart out even thinking about it now just with my deceased husbands because even though those moments were so beautiful and magical I can never have them back again. And with my current fiancé I try to do things differently, to make new memories and not repeat the old ones otherwise it depresses me. But knowing one day he will succumb to his disease . I know I shouldn't be thinking this way, and most of my days with my fiance I don't... I am just so happy that if he goes I'd rather then just end my life as well.

Sorry for the deep read here guys

Over a year ago, I met my ex who had charmed and love bombed me into his life, where this was the only side HIS FRIENDS have ever seen and still see.

Things were fine the first two months until it didn't go the way he wanted my to be controlled. Since I had been with him he had manipulated me by telling me to get off my medication then cause a fight with me then blame me for not taking my medication, then insist that I take my medication then tell me I'm on TOO MUCH medication. (I have bipolar)

He would get so angry at me if I didn't text him a "Drive home safely" after he left work or didn't greet him first at the gym when we met up after work because I was on a business call, that I knew the fight we were about to have would get physically violent from HIS SIDE. Blaming me for unpredictable things and things that weren't even in my control to point of fighting that he would throw paintings at me, dinning room chairs at me, iced brick 2 litre water bottles from the freezer at me, bricks at me, cutlery at me, crockery at me, setting off my bipolar mood swings to the point where I just wanted to kill myself. They were going to prounce me dead twice on the 5th and 6th time of doing this while I was with him... He used this as "fame" for himself telling ALL HIS FRIENDS and DAUGHTER and EX WIFE that "HE SAVED ME" ....Playing THE HERO. SO it made everyone think I had a problem with my bipolar and that "I'M THE DIFFICULT ONE" to live with. His OWN daughter (who is a useless adult with no ambition or drive in her life to do anything, not even complete her studies or find a job at the age of 23) who lives with his EX wife, blamed me while my EX and I were together that my bipolar is out of control and I need to get heavier medication. Meantime he wasn't telling HIS OWN DAUGHTER, the truth of what he was doing.

He has never shown this psychopathic side to his daughter EVER BEFORE. Only to his Ex's including his EX WIFE, who is in denial or just plainly shit scared of him so she just turns a blind eye to his rage with his EX boyfriends.

He takes weed and on one particular evening when I came home from work, he had eaten 6 very strong weed cookies and taken 10 of my sleeping tablets. By the time I entered my house, it was a wreck and everything was everywhere.

I just come out of hospital from having Delta covid and it gave me epilepsy from it then I was sent to a psychiatric hospital to get me off my mixed episode as I was in one for 5 months because of him. That when I was there he would call me, cause I fight with me and I would go into seizures to points where my psychiatrist had to take my phone away from me for a few days. I was sitting myself because I knew I thought I was ignoring him, mean while it was the Doctor who took it away for my own benefit at the time so she can work on getting me right with my mental health. So my psychiatrist knows he is a psychopath.

That night coming home finding the house in a wreck, I knew I was in for something big and I didn't have the physical strength to fight him back cos I was still weak from the covid I had because it took slot out of my body to fight to live after dying from it and being revived in hospital when I had it, so I was weak and 3 days out of hospital.

Before I carried on into the house, I called my best friend and asked her to come over as I was scared. So while she was on her way (as she had key to my house) I continued to walk on and act like nothing was going on.

When he got hold of me, our room at the time was turned upside down and he was in and out of reality. I tried to calm him down but he started with a fist punch into my gut then I hit the floor (because my Ex is strong and on steroids) and he just started kicking me like a ball. I cracked three ribs and my collar bone. I tried to crawl under the suitcase I hadn't yet unpacked from the hospital as a shield to protect myself but he kept going for me and I kept yelling out to him "WHITE FLAG" as this was the agreement at the hospital infrom of the psychiatrist and psychologist that "he" came up with to end the fight and we talk about it 48 hours later.. but he kept going... I honestly thought I was going to die that night.

Then my best friend walked in filming him physically abusing me and then called out his name and told him that she NOW HAS HIM ON VIDEO as legal evidence of his abuse to me. Suddenly he act to changed and wanted me back and cried, and said how sorry he was and then wouldn't let me leave.. As I said to him "We are DONE, LET ME GO!" It was like switch flipped and he snapped again snd went for me again beating me up. While my friend was filming, but at that point dhe came running in to stop him and pull him off me, where she was being beaten up by him as I was at this point trying to crawl out under the suitcase and my friend just kept screaming at me to run with the suitcase and drive away from here.

I couldn't because I couldn't leave there on her own. So I grabbed his stuff and started throwing it out of my house and on the streets while my friend had him pinned and he was kicking her. I took the video and I filmed the left over weed cookies in the container as they were just crumbs and then I fixed the blister of empty sleeping tablets that he took, while he was slipping in and out of reality. I told him I'm being more than fair by giving you 3 days to leave my house otherwise I'm calling the police and having you arrested.

After I came back with 3 people and my friend the next morning, he begged me to have him back in his life because he couldn't remember ANYTHING THE NIGHT BEFORE. I just told him, "you heard me even I said to you that you've got 3 day including today to get your stuff out of my house and leave otherwise I'm calling the police... since then.. and that was a little over one year ago (and he has a new guy in his life) he has not stopped harassing me, defamating my character, bullying me, sending me threats, death threats, went as low as calling all my previous EX'S and spreading lies about me. Which one of my EX'S sent me ALL HIS voice notes of what he said about me to my other EX. My psychopathic EX doesn't even know I have those as well and there are alot of discrimination and defamation and flash accusations going on on in there too.

But ever since I have been with him my immune system has never come right nor has it picked up. I have been so sick catching covid two times after and dying from it twice and being revived as well as developing heart conditions because of it and now from the last one I have developed Crohn's disease.

Just recently I received a threat and defamation on a whatsapp he sent from another number to my friend, as I had to change my number, accusing me of theft which is completely untrue and I am honestly so weak and sick and I've just come back from the psychiatric hospital because I can't get my mania down and now that message has thrown me into psychosis that I am so shot scared he is going to kill me, because in our relationship we had, he has done it twice before.

And if he sees me like this with the amount of weight that I have lost from being so sick for over a year now (I currently weigh 41kgs) because my body catches just about anything since I have just about no immune system that it will feed him and put a smile on his face knowing he is actually winning by killing me this way. So I don't want to give him that.

My psychiatrist said she believes that with ALL the pathological breakdown and trauma HE DID TO ME while we were going out, that my HE AFFECTED my immune system and it SHUT DOWN.

I have no trust left in the gay community in my country because most of the men I've dated have just been manipulative or Aggressive and now NARCISSISTIC and PSYCHOPATHIC.

I put it in a smoothie post workout. But a spoon full before should give you energy.

Generally no. I am a runner, I run 4 times a week. If you plan on running everyday, there are things to consider, like your hydration, stretching, vitamins, minerals, your gaits, the type of shoes you run with, are you flat footed or do you have high arches?, are you pigeon-toed, or do your feet over-pronate?, do you run heavy footed or light? These are just a few thing to really think about if you decide to run everyday because you can put major stress onto your joins especially your knees if your body alignment is out. Otherwise stick to 2 to three times a week if you not sure of any of the above that I have mentioned. Your body will tell you anyway, you'll feel it. Hope this helped in anyway.

Has anyone here dated a narcissist?

I'm looking for advice on what to do. I've read up about narcissists and it all met his criteria but I think he has psychopathic tendencies too.

If you dated one please let me know what you did to get out of it and what experience you went through?

I had to come up with a plan to leave him without him being aware of it and believe me that was hard for me to do because he notices and observes everything. He would phone the people I would call and text to check up on me and then manipulate me by lying to me telling me he was worried about me and needed to know who I was talking to and why (even with business calls I made too). I couldn't even go to the bathroom without closing the door. He had a tracking system installed into my car to check where I was driving too then question me where I went and why.

I threw my sim card out when I had the chance to leave him so he couldn't call me or text me. the only way he can contact me is through another person. There is so much more he has done but I just don't have the energy right now to talk about it.

hell, everyone here was so young! I was 22.

I'm vegan, as a kid I never really enjoyed milk. Today we have so many other supplements that can provide a healthy supply of calcium for us….......other than regular cow's milk.

You don't need milk.  It's really just a pure decision of pleasure.

I can't believe I had to google "Fap"…........ hahahahahahahaha  :laugh: :laugh:
I'm so behind lol.

I am the eldest of 4 siblings in my family. We all boys. My poor mother  :-[ :-[
I get on only with my youngest brother but we hardly see one another

….with wine, it has this weird effect on people  :laugh:

17y

no

Besides the physical beating, what else adds to an abusive relationship?

I met someone last year a few years younger than I am. At first he was incredible, woed me, made me feel amazing, shared a lot, laughed alot and basically thought we were a good match, up until two months later he asked to move in with me.

From the second week it became toxic for us. He was angry or depressed, volatile or completely child-like. He would tell me things I'm not allowed to do by verbally saying it in a manner that related to his ex husband did with him. Things like I must get be fine with him sharing porn or sexual content of himself or porn characters to his friends. He would spend hours a day on his phone, chatting to others. When I would ask him to just leave his phone for a while, he would react to me and ask me if I am jealous. All I really wanted was his time with me.  He often related our relationship to his previous marriage. I wasn't allowed to do certain things in ours because it was what his ex husband would do. Eventually I became a yes man, because if I had my own opinion over something we disagreed over, he would scream at me, stamp his fists on the kitchen counter or slam my car doors over and over. He then after would crawl into a ball and rock himself.

He is a horse trainer and watched him discipline a horse that i came to realize he would do the same technique on me, using a fear base approach to get a horse or myself to submit. I saw him on one occasion beat a horse with his whip to the point where I reacted to him verbally and became volatile to me.

He always had excuses when it came to our sex life. He said if I got sex toys or poppers, or pills etc then he would have sex with me. Eventually I didn't bother because he had excuses every time even after I accommodated his requests.

He told me that I must support him emotionally and physically in our relationship. I would disagree with him on this and then he would manipulate me by making false pretenses or commitments to things he would never deliver on.

He always had nasty things to say about my family and friends, he clients and judged others over their weaknesses in life  
He would run out of money and at the last minute ask me for cash to fill my car so that he can go train these horses. He drove my car recklessly over farm roads and eventually stuffed up y wheels and power steering, If i had mentioned to him to respect my things he would say I am just like hie ex husband or he would become angry at me.

He would often ask me advise on something and when I give it, he would say that's not the right advise and reprimand me over it.
When we were with friends he would become sarcastic and mean towards me, to a point where it would become uncomfortable to our friends around the dinner table.

In restaurants as a form of control, he would start pinching me painfully to points where my skin would bleed or bruise. He drank every night and when I asked him to maybe drink every second night instead he would reply in a derogatory manner

He was big on appearance wearing cowboy hats expensive jeans and shirts neat beards etc to attract other people around him. He would criticize others for not dressing well. He only wanted the best professional photos taken of him on horses so that he can attract the market using his looks. This would upset me because he became narcissistic in nature. I think dressing up or grooming oneself is important but i think not to a point where it causes narcissistic tenancies.

After him throwing me around and beating me in the bedroom and manipulating me like he would do with a horse during a fight, i decided then to leave him. He often use to threaten me with a hand gun he had and would say he would use it on himself if I left him. I was more worried about him using it on me.

Im still in fear at the moment and honestly have huge anxiety that I am finding I cant get out of bed at days at a time. I'm embarrassed about this because I think if I tried harder this wouldn't have happened. I'm too embarrassed to even speak to a professional about this, which is why I'm talking about it on here.

Definitely no5

Embrace it …... It's HOT!!!!  ;D

I always shoot far, its a crap deal though if you keep painting the walls or hitting the curtains…. I'll stay away from those suppliments lol

So Ive been on a few 3 to 5 day water fasts before, I am thinking of doing a 21 day one soon.

Has anyone done fasts for that length of time? Im looking for pointers too 

Hell yes

fm$ would you drink a 5 litre bucket of horse cum? (this is so gross for me lol) :afr2:

Hulk or Spiderman (could get caught in his web anyday) lol :cheesy2:

I dont even know if I had one lol