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    Finding A Hot BF

    Sex & Relationships
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    • C
      charlesperr last edited by

      Hey!

      I was a skinny dude before and have been hitting the gym hard and the hard work has really paid off lol. However, I'm still struggling to find a bf that I find hot. I'm 23yo, 6'0, 200lbs/90kg, 10% ish BF, mixed race, and tanned/olive/brown type skin which a lot of the caucasian guys love (and I love caucasian guys). I'm not shy in person or anything like that.

      I have tried/and the problems are:

      • Online dating websites (many) - there are hot guys but usually they just want NSA or have a bf already.
      • Bars/clubs - mostly older guys with beer bellies (sorry!) so its very hard to find someone. Or if there are cute ones then the bigger muscled guys take them.
      • My university society (no offence but academics are not the most attractive people).
      • I finally find someone hot and who I can have a conversation with something goes wrong (they move, get a bf, I'm not their type, stop replying etc)

      I'm not ugly by any means and I'm not bragging either but I have contacted escorts, other really fit hot guys who have agreed to sex (free) but no one wants more 😞 I'm educated, smart, secured a job at a top firm after I graduate, I really don't know why no one wants me 😞

      I just want a BF so I can have fun, go on holiday with him, share emotions etc. But it seems impossible 😞

      What do I do???

      Thanks!

      1 Reply Last reply Reply Quote 0
      • imDutch
        imDutch last edited by

        It's just a matter of time. Some find the love of their lives in three weeks, others in three years. Don't worry.

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        • C
          charlesperr last edited by

          But I'm not looking for the love of my life… I'm looking for a BF. Why is it so hard 😞

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          • imDutch
            imDutch last edited by

            Maybe your expectations are too high? Moreover, I don't think it's fair to generalize so much. Come on, as if all academics are ugly, boring people…

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            • Spintendo
              Spintendo last edited by

              @charlesperr:

              I'm looking for a BF. Why is it so hard 😞 "

              You seem to have already answered this question in your first post:

              @charlesperr:

              Have been hitting the gym hard and the hard work has really paid off"

              Your observation about the gym is absolutely correct. If the things we wanted in life were so easy to obtain, they likely would not be seen as worth the investment of our time. It is precisely because the results are so valuable that the work to obtain them is so difficult.


              The speed of light from Earth to the Moon in real time (c = 3×10^8 m/s)

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              • raphjd
                raphjd Forum Administrator last edited by

                Maybe you seem desperate.  Visualize the stereotype of the woman wearing her wedding dress on the first date.  The reason guys in relationships get hit on so much is because they are happy with their lives.

                Relax and let the relationship come to you, don't go chasing it.

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                • C
                  chocslimgd last edited by

                  Everyone here has given you great advice, so keep loving yourself and be patient, it will come!  😉

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                  • C
                    charlesperr last edited by

                    Thanks for all the replies.

                    I've spoken to many guys and they all seen to fall under these categories:
                    1. Are taken
                    2. One night stand only
                    3. Chat for hours on Skype/say they want to meet up and then never reply again but don't block me either

                    Can one night stands lead to a serious bf relationship?
                    Where can I get a (proper) bf from?
                    Is the Skype chat thing a waste of time?

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                    • O
                      Ononoke last edited by

                      @charlesperr:

                      I've spoken to many guys and they all seen to fall under these categories:
                      1. Are taken
                      2. One night stand only
                      3. Chat for hours on Skype/say they want to meet up and then never reply again but don't block me either

                      Been there, done that… it's just how it goes when you depend too much on online dating.

                      @charlesperr:

                      Can one night stands lead to a serious bf relationship?
                      Where can I get a (proper) bf from?
                      Is the Skype chat thing a waste of time?

                      • Depends on the 'chemistry' with your partner, but I don't think so (though I never tried it)
                      • By being yourself and don't expect too much, or too high. High expectation always lead to big disappoinment. Just relax, and take your time and you'll find a kindred spirit or even a soulmate somewhere out there who is meant to be with you.
                      • If you or that other person in Skype only set his mind for sex and not a relationship, then yes… it's a waste of time. But I'm sure it will be a lot different if you chat with someone who you can relate and who can relate back to you (read previous point).

                      May I ask one question though? If by chance, someone who is NOT your type walks in and by just one look you don't think he's attractive enough to be your boyfriend, would you even consider to date him without even learning about his personalities and all?

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                      • S
                        seablue347 last edited by

                        You me the same OP; Except I am 21 yo, Asian and not buffed but not chubby either - more of a Twink scene. I have alot of friends who found thier bf's through apps/sites and NSA that lead to more, which I tried but no luck.

                        And as chocslimgd mentioned,

                        @chocslimgd:

                        Everyone here has given you great advice, so keep loving yourself and be patient, it will come!  😉

                        I haven't had the "comfort" of another male since February 😧 Cause I feel like everytime I do, I remind myself of how single I am. Must say life is quite enjoyable when you stop thinking about "oh when am I goin to be like that couple sitting across from me in the train" and focus on things you really enjoy like… well Baking or goin out with friends for me. That said, I must say - I have been feelin' quite lonely lately, especially at night.  😕

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                        • C
                          charlesperr last edited by

                          @Ononoke:

                          May I ask one question though? If by chance, someone who is NOT your type walks in and by just one look you don't think he's attractive enough to be your boyfriend, would you even consider to date him without even learning about his personalities and all?

                          I think I didn't give the full picture lol. I skype with them i.e. face to face and we chat for hours and random stuff (non-sex related or sometimes a bit sex related). Sometimes I'm not initially attracted to them (i.e. enough to sleep with them) and then am after we chat (which is why if they are a 'maybe' i chat first). I have also met hot guys who I chat with for 5 mins and I want to shoot myself for feeling attracted to them (this is rare though) lol and I end things.

                          But it never works out because of 1/2/3 above. Personality is important but either they just want to see me naked and bang OR say they want to meet then flake out…. I don't know how to get around this.

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                          • O
                            Ononoke last edited by

                            @charlesperr:

                            @Ononoke:

                            May I ask one question though? If by chance, someone who is NOT your type walks in and by just one look you don't think he's attractive enough to be your boyfriend, would you even consider to date him without even learning about his personalities and all?

                            I think I didn't give the full picture lol. I skype with them i.e. face to face and we chat for hours and random stuff (non-sex related or sometimes a bit sex related). Sometimes I'm not initially attracted to them (i.e. enough to sleep with them) and then am after we chat (which is why if they are a 'maybe' i chat first). I have also met hot guys who I chat with for 5 mins and I want to shoot myself for feeling attracted to them (this is rare though) lol and I end things.

                            But it never works out because of 1/2/3 above. Personality is important but either they just want to see me naked and bang OR say they want to meet then flake out…. I don't know how to get around this.

                            Then my friend, the answer to that is simple (considering I've been / is still there as well hahaha  :laugh:)… you just haven't found the 'right partner' (as in the statement of Steve Rogers from Captain America First Avengers which I just rewatched yesterday), or (as in Matrix term) 'the one'. Be patient and take your time, you'll get there eventually... especially when you're still 20-something, you have a huge world ahead of you. Some meet their soulmate (which means, not some random anyone to just spend the bed with) in less than a week, some took years to eventually found one, and in fact some doesn't found one at all. So lower your 'desire' and put your 'needs' in top priorities, perhaps you currently need something else more important instead a BF? A dream, plan for the future? I don't know, you're the one who can find the answer to that question. Sometimes the thing we want the most usually becomes something that feels so hard or so far from reach, but when you decide to put it aside... for unknown reason, it suddenly becomes something that is very near and has been there beside you all along! That's... life sigh  :laugh:
                            Focus on that other things for now, and let it flow... and suddenly before you know it, everything will work out just fine for you...  👼

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                            • C
                              chatnoire last edited by

                              It seems like you don't have any gay friends? I mean really friends, not friends for benefit type.

                              I have had boyfriends from online dating site, and from friends of friends. It really helps, having gay friends, since you can share your emotions as well with fellow gays. Ever since I have my own group of gay friends couple years ago, I cannot really be myself with my straight friends (still haven't come out), but with gays, it's enjoyable, pressureless, and fun too.

                              If u want sex, find a ONS or friends for benefit. I don't think you should have a BF just for fun and not for relationship (unless you guys have agreed to it).

                              To be honest looking at your criterias I think you have a pretty high standard for average gay males to be able to hook up with you.

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