Is being "gay" worth it?
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I don't actually personally know any long term couples that I aspire to. In fact, I haven't met any gay guys whose lifestyle I actually want.
Basically, where are all the gay role models?I am attracted to both girls and boys. I identify as gay but tbh that is mainly because there is weird pressure that almost forces it.
The thing is I that I think I might be one of those rare people for whom a gay lifestyle 0is actually a choice. I am fairly confident that I could have a happy monogomous, heterosexual marriage.
I could do the whole kids, marriage thing and be fulfilled.I am living that gay lifestyle but I can't help but think. Would I be happier straight(ish)
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I am living that gay lifestyle but I can't help but think. Would I be happier straight(ish)
If you're bi, then maybe you'll be just as happy. But you can do "the whole kids, marriage thing" regardless of whether you end up falling in love with a man or woman. Just because your significant other has a certain gender doesn't mean you have to chose a specific lifestyle.
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Playing devil's advocate here, I have a better question for you:
Is being straight worth it?
How much does it cost to raise a kid? In 2014 the average was about $250,000 per child (excluding post-secondary education). That's only going to go up with inflation.
Personal anecdote: All of my heterosexual, child-rearing siblings are miserable. Once they had kids, they pissed away their futures. They are in loveless relationships bound by the duty of raising the many children they thought would bring them happiness. They'll never have clean houses. They can't enjoy adult entertainment. They'll never have the money to travel, to see live shows, have a nice car, or to buy nice things.
The writing is on the wall. Our planet and our species are doomed. Enjoy your short life now. I wouldn't condemn children to grow up in a destroyed world.
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No, in spite of never have been in a closet, etc, no, it's not worthed going through all this, really, its no, it's easier to be as most of the rest, straight for we are a minority. That's me, of course.
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It doesn't matter, actually. You think you have a choice. You are wrong. You are so terribly wrong. The only choice you have is accepting it now and having a shot at a somewhat happy life or eventually accepting it latter, when you have kids with a woman and it's already too late, and you will be emotionally and financially chained to your kids. For ever.
The world is a bitch. Don't let if fuck your life. Peer pressure… pffft... we can do better then that. We can be stronger. You can be stronger. A piece of advice that I give you is trying to stop thinking in terms of groups and labels. What you call a 'straight lifestyle' or a 'gay lifestyle'... forget about those things. Think about YOUR lifestyle. Don't live your life trying to adapt yourself to what society pushes down your throat. What do you want for yourself? Try answering to that. But don't lie! because sooner or latter that lie you told yourself will come back to you as a living-nightmare propelled by the wrong choices you made trying to fool yourself. -
Is being who you are worth it?
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It doesn't matter, actually. You think you have a choice. You are wrong. You are so terribly wrong. The only choice you have is accepting it now and having a shot at a somewhat happy life or eventually accepting it latter, when you have kids with a woman and it's already too late, and you will be emotionally and financially chained to your kids. For ever.
Is being who you are worth it?
He said he's about 50/50 bisexual, meaning: He can choose. You would think gay people, of all people, would be more open to the idea of there being different sexualities than the one they were born with. I've been in a relationship with a bisexual man for many years. He's not confused. He's not untrustworthy. He's not greedy. He likes pussy and he likes dick.
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I don't actually personally know any long term couples that I aspire to. In fact, I haven't met any gay guys whose lifestyle I actually want.
Basically, where are all the gay role models?I am attracted to both girls and boys. I identify as gay but tbh that is mainly because there is weird pressure that almost forces it.
The thing is I that I think I might be one of those rare people for whom a gay lifestyle 0is actually a choice. I am fairly confident that I could have a happy monogomous, heterosexual marriage.
I could do the whole kids, marriage thing and be fulfilled.I am living that gay lifestyle but I can't help but think. Would I be happier straight(ish)
Being gay is not a lifestyle, if you're looking for role model who is married and with kids look at neil patrick harris, he's been in a long term relationship with his husband and have two kids.
Whether you're gay or bi, let's face it you're not straight. None of those is a lifestyle it's who you are. You choose how to live your life and what kind of lifestyle you prefer, but don't say there is a gay or straight lifestyle, cos that's just puts your mindset 30 years back. -
my dear OP, I can't but agree with you as I feel the same .
Truth is with my gay friends, I always say I'm gay and never talk about girls for they are very very intolerant. Straight friends are way more open on the subject. I even went to the length of using " gay " in my avatar name otherwise, gays would put my opinion aside. But I can't have any gay models as I'm really not like them. I tried to be like them when I was younger, but it wasn't me at all. The only one I felt great with was a bi boy. We were about the same with the same views. But remember LGBT represents nothing. those association fill the media with their propaganda but they dont actually represent all LGBT, in my country they are more like a political party of extreme left with which I really often disagree.
I hope to marry and have children ( with a girl of course ) yet I know I will miss something and will always feel incomplete.
In the end I dont have much of a solution to offer you, just that if you do have children your couple will be stronger than the one of 2 guys without. Depends on what you want, but in any case it wont be perfect. just know you aren't alone with theses questions. -
OK, here's some interesting data for you:
Research shows that not only do gay men deal with stress responses better than straight ones, in tolerant societies gay men are actually happier than straight ones.
There's also the fact that gay relationships seem to be on average more fulfilling.
About 50% of straight marriages end in divorce and women initiate 70% of them. North American men going through divorce are eight times more likely than the women to commit suicide. And in case you think there's a glimmer of hope; there's been a lot of fuss for a while about divorce rates going down which is only good news until you consider that this is mostly due to the fact that less and less people are getting married. Well, less men. Women want to get married as much ass ever, straight men are having none of it—there's a reason for that.
Turns out having kids is one of the worst things you can do for a relationship. Children make people miserable. This is further corroborated by the third linked study above which shows that childless straight couples and gay ones have the best relationships.
Women rate 80% of men as being "below average". Mathematical impossibility aside this reveals the fact that you're going to be working a lot harder to secure a mate if you're a heterosexual man—nevermind actually keeping them per the divorce statistics above. Oh, and to go with the above: women are hypergamous while men are generally not. Combine the two and this means that on average you'll need to be significantly more attractive or wealthier to get the attention of a potential partner of equal quality as a heterosexual man than you would as a gay one.
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If you're lucky enough to be living in a civilised country, then I say you were given a gift by being attracted to men. I'm not saying your relationships as a gay guy will end reflecting the traditional arrangements, there's not getting around the fact that social and sexual dynamics between gay men are different. There's a reason why open relationships are so common among us. But as far as nature goes, the cards you were handed were pretty damn good.
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I hope to marry and have children ( with a girl of course ) yet I know I will miss something and will always feel incomplete.
Oh dear lord, no! A true relationship doesn't need children to shackle it together. Never use children to fix your broken marriage. You will end up trapped and more miserable.
OK, here's some interesting data for you: (snip)
If you're lucky enough to be living in a civilised country, then I say you were given a gift by being attracted to men.
But as far as nature goes, the cards you were handed were pretty damn good.What a glorious post! Children are black holes where your money and your dreams go to die. It's as if men and women are fundamentally incompatible except for biological reproduction. Being gay isn't a negative thing. It's like winning the lottery.
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Hyacinthos:
Dear , dear.. did you read that the OP is bi, therefore it might be that none of your "survey" match his own view of what a "fulfilling relationship" is? the question wasn't "straight relationship vs gay relationship", but how one who's bi can find happiness in a world made for str8 and gays and deal with the social pressure that forces us to be either gay or str8.On a funny side note : "there's been a lot of fuss for a while about divorce rates going down which is only good news until you consider that this is mostly due to the fact that less and less people are getting married" …rates are percentage... they arent getting up or down based on how many items there is in a sample. Maybe, just maybe, if the rates are going down it's multi-factorial : the economic situation makes that you think twice getting a divorce if you can't afford 2 rents for the kid and such...
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Hyacinthos: the question wasn't "straight relationship vs gay relationship", but how one who's bi can find happiness in a world made for str8 and gays and deal with the social pressure that forces us to be either gay or str8.
He asks:
I am living that gay lifestyle but I can't help but think. Would I be happier straight(ish)
The answer to the question is almost certainly; "no, you would not be happy living the straight lifestyle. You will struggle finding as high quality a partner as you would as a gay man, the children you have with her will destroy your soul and you will consider or actually attempt to kill yourself when she eventually divorces you and takes all your money."
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On a funny side note : "there's been a lot of fuss for a while about divorce rates going down which is only good news until you consider that this is mostly due to the fact that less and less people are getting married" …rates are percentage... they arent getting up or down based on how many items there is in a sample.
What the data shows is that while the percentage of people staying married is increasing—still 50% is an atrocious number, lets not forget that bit—the percentage of people getting married at all has sharply decreased. So only the people most likely to stay together are getting married at all which skews the numbers. Now consider that the intent of my post was to show that straight marriage is a shit investment; if only an ever decreasing percentage of people are actually getting married and even those that really want to be married have equal odds of being divorced, you're better off getting a cat instead.
In other words, imagine a world were only 1% of people get married but they stay together 90% of the time. Divorce rates are at an all time low but the institution of marriage itself is now irrelevant and obviously undesirable to the overwhelming majority of the population.
Maybe, just maybe, if the rates are going down it's multi-factorial : the economic situation makes that you think twice getting a divorce if you can't afford 2 rents for the kid and such…
That directly supports my actual point: straight marriages is like playing Russian roulette with three bullets in the chamber.
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Is life itself worth it?? It is what you make of it that matters.
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LOL, it is sad when a gay/bi guy hates or dislikes being gay/bi…
I love being gay and have never been happier since coming out nearly 13 years ago.
I have been with my partner for nearly 12 years (12 in August) and have been married for 2 years.
We aren't monogamous, but have that's a separate issue.
We could have kids if we wanted and live what you describe as the "whole kids, marriage thing and be fulfilled"
But by choice we do not want kids, Kids are dirty smelly and freaking expensive... We have nieces and nephews who we spoil like our own kids, but its great because when you get bored or they are naughty you just hand them back to their parents :cheers:I think my life is full and I am really happy.
Life is what you make it, don't conform to what you think society wants you to be. Be yourself and be happy, if you are bi then by all means settle down with a wife and kids, but you can also do that with a guy
:hug:
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Gay as a definition for sexual preference or identity? It's all relative. Every time my dick is in my boyfriend's ass, I am thankful to be gay. I don't think about it otherwise.
It's not "who I am." -
Gay as a definition for sexual preference or identity? It's all relative. Every time my dick is in my boyfriend's ass, I am thankful to be gay. I don't think about it otherwise.
It's not "who I am."Very well said!
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It's not "who I am."
Don't generalize your own personal experience to the whole humanity. Besides even if you consider it's not who you are ( I do agree with that) it's not what others think. Lots of families reject their gay relative because they consider that's what define them even in countries where same sex marriage is allowed which makes any bi guy wonder " is it really worth it"…
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It's not "who I am."
Don't generalize your own personal experience to the whole humanity. Besides even if you consider it's not who you are ( I do agree with that) it's not what others think. Lots of families reject their gay relative because they consider that's what define them even in countries where same sex marriage is allowed which makes any bi guy wonder " is it really worth it"…
He didn't generalize anything, He was stating that is how he feels.
The original poster did not mention anything about not being accepted by the community, or worried about people knowing he was bi…
If you are having issues with your own sexuality instead of thread jacking maybe you should start your own thread and ask for help.
Families dont reject people because they think being gay defines them... They disown /reject them because they are uneducated.
Instead of misinterpreting what people have said and taking it as a personal attack.
:closet:
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my dear, the principle of the forum is the following, the OP ask a question, then people try to help him.. talking about your own experience like you did is irrelevant, so you also should probably start your own thread :laugh:
