Why do some gay men, lesbians, and bisexuals tell people about their sexual orie
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They tell about it because sharing that aspect of themselves with others is important to their mental health. In fact, the process of identity development for lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals, called coming out, has been found to be strongly related to psychological adjustment—the more positive the gay, lesbian, or bisexual identity, the better one's mental health and the higher one's self-esteem.
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They are honest with theiselves and their surroundings.
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And if you're partnered, playing the "pronoun game" (i.e. using gender-neutral pronouns when discussing your significant other) is very tedious. And people can often tell when someone is gay, so being closeted is delusional anyway.
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And if you're partnered, playing the "pronoun game" (i.e. using gender-neutral pronouns when discussing your significant other) is very tedious. And people can often tell when someone is gay, so being closeted is delusional anyway.
Yeah, I'm not a fan of the pronoun game. It can be helpful when you have a co-worker who is… less receptive to "alternative lifestyles". But with the current political movement (in the US) toward marriage equality throughout the entire Union, co-workers and colleagues are beginning to realize that people they have known GLBT people for decades and are only now giving them the same respect in marriage that their heterosexual friends have enjoyed since the inception of the nation.
That was kind of a sprawling statement. But I guess I was trying to get through that, although GLBT people have existed forever in the workplace, marriage equality has extended the acknowledgment that being GLBT is socially acceptable. It's a hard sell for some people. Especially in rural settings.
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Honesty. An relationship conceived with openness.
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The fact is that sexual identity in and of itself is actually something I'd consider "normal" to know about one another in any social or work setting … gay OR straight. It's such a crucial piece of information that directs our long-honed social instincts ... it's such a basic fact in most interactions, how that other person fits in along those lines, we just never stop and think about it.
This is because, for a long time, the default scenario has been to assume that the other person is heterosexual. Now that it's becoming increasingly more okay to not have to creep in the shadows about it, it actually helps to normalize your everyday relationships with people to just help them reassess where you fit in with them interaction-wise. We are CONSTANTLY making subconscious sexual evaluations about each other, it's at the core of our species' survival.
Shedding some light on your sexual orientation actually uncomplicates things quite a bit in all facets of your life. The only other alternative that I know of to be comfortable in yourself is to simply not talk to people or form close friendships -- it starts getting tougher to live with those assumptions. (Pronouns mean a lot!)
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"Its not that big of a deal, they dont need to know about it. Its not like im going to try anything with them, so whats the point of telling them. But how can i trust anyone if i know that there is a possibility that one day when they find out they will toss me out of their life, like some sort of cancer that needs to be eradicated. Why should i waste my time when i will only get hurt in the end?"
Basically what goes around my head constantly. Im still not out and this is messing with me like some sort of anxiety. -
"Its not that big of a deal, they dont need to know about it. Its not like im going to try anything with them, so whats the point of telling them. But how can i trust anyone if i know that there is a possibility that one day when they find out they will toss me out of their life, like some sort of cancer that needs to be eradicated. Why should i waste my time when i will only get hurt in the end?"
Basically what goes around my head constantly. Im still not out and this is messing with me like some sort of anxiety.By not being out, you are holding on to an illusion anyway. Your sexuality is a big part of who you are (no matter how much we try to minimize it), and by others not knowing that about you, they don't really know you anyway. Most people find being out to relieve a huge burden from their shoulders. It is freeing to no longer have to play the pronoun game, to no longer have to hide what you did over the weekend in Monday morning conversations, or to have to answer the question of when you are going to settle down and have kids. You are free to be you (any time, any place, and in any way), and if someone can't handle/deal with you, then they can just fuck off. That is a liberation that I will not give up, now that I have tasted it.
Sure, some people lose friends because they can't deal with it, but you also gain friends, and those friends who remain often become even closer friends because all the walls and boundaries we put up are torn down and people get to know the real you, inside and out.
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"Its not that big of a deal, they dont need to know about it. Its not like im going to try anything with them, so whats the point of telling them. But how can i trust anyone if i know that there is a possibility that one day when they find out they will toss me out of their life, like some sort of cancer that needs to be eradicated. Why should i waste my time when i will only get hurt in the end?"
Basically what goes around my head constantly. Im still not out and this is messing with me like some sort of anxiety.By not being out, you are holding on to an illusion anyway. Your sexuality is a big part of who you are (no matter how much we try to minimize it), and by others not knowing that about you, they don't really know you anyway. Most people find being out to relieve a huge burden from their shoulders. It is freeing to no longer have to play the pronoun game, to no longer have to hide what you did over the weekend in Monday morning conversations, or to have to answer the question of when you are going to settle down and have kids. You are free to be you (any time, any place, and in any way), and if someone can't handle/deal with you, then they can just fuck off. That is a liberation that I will not give up, now that I have tasted it.
Sure, some people lose friends because they can't deal with it, but you also gain friends, and those friends who remain often become even closer friends because all the walls and boundaries we put up are torn down and people get to know the real you, inside and out.
Very well put.
@smthwrd: It's more of a waste of time being in the closet, especially if you're in a country where you can live freely. You're wasting your time worrying about people when you don't really know how they feel, that's exactly why you should come out if it's safe to do in your country. Why waste time on people if they don't like you? Spend your time with people who love and support you instead. Free your mind of worrying about if people will like you or not, most people will still like you.
You're gonna miss knowing some really great people if you keep thinking like this and always assuming people won't like you if they know, now that's a waste of time!Sure, some people lose friends because they can't deal with it, but you also gain friends, and those friends who remain often become even closer friends because all the walls and boundaries we put up are torn down and people get to know the real you, inside and out.
That smthwrd.
You can have some amazing friendships, or spend your whole life wondering who your real friends are and/or feeling like nobody really likes you. Find out who your friends are and be happy, and screw everyone else… -
dont know
