Posts made by omar919

How do you double the value of a Skoda?
Fill the tank !

How do you double the value of a Skoda?
Chuck a pound into it.
How can you tell that your Skoda has been broken into?
There's nothing missing.

How can you make policemen laugh?
Tell them your Skoda just got stolen.

What do you call a Skoda with a sun roof ?
A skip!

Why does a Skoda have a double rear window heater ?
To keep everyones hands warm when they are pushing it !
Whats the difference between a Jehova Witness and a Skoda?
You can shut the door on a Jehova Witness!

There were three couples, one elderly, one middle aged, and one newlywed, that wanted to join a church. So the minister tells them that in order to be members they must abstain from sex for two whole weeks. After two weeks, the minister asks the elderly couple if they had abstained.
Yes, no problem! So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then he asks the middle aged couple the same question
Well, after one week, the husband had to sleep on the couch, but we made it! So the minister welcomes them to the church. Then the minister asks the newlywed couple if they had abstained from sex for two weeks.
We were unable to abstain. On the third day, my wife dropped a can of corn and when she bent over to pick it up, LUST and PASSION overcame me!
Im sorry,the minister says,but you are both banned from this church! Thats okay, says the husband, We were banned from the supermarket, too.

Clem pulled over the car by the side of the road and showed Jed where hed first had sex. It was right down there by that tree. I remember the day plainly. It was a warm summer day. She and I were so much in love. We walked down to the tree and made love for hours,Clem recalled.That sounds wonderful,said Jed.Yes. It was okay until I looked up and noticed her mother was standing right there watching us. Oh my God! What did her mother say when she saw you making love to her daughter? Baaaaa…`

There was a chicken and a horse playing together on a farm one day. The horse fell into a mud pit and yelled to the chicken to run to the house and get the farmer. The chicken ran to the house and the farmer was nowhere to be found. So, it got into the farmers BMW and pulled the horse out with it. The next day the chicken and the horse were playing on the farm again. This time the chicken fell into the mud pit and yelled to the horse to get help. So, the horse stood over the mud pit and told the chicken to grab on to his penis and hed pull him out. The chicken grabbed on and, indeed, the horse pulled him out.
The moral of the story: If youre hung like a horse, you dont need a BMW to pick up chicks.

A man was eating in a fancy restaurant, and there was a gorgeous woman eating at the next table. He had been checking her out all night, but lacked the nerve to go talk to her. Suddenly she sneezed and her glass eye went flying out of its socket towards the man. With lightning quick reflexes, he caught it in mid-air.
Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, she said as she popped her eye back in the socket. Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you.
They enjoyed a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invited him back to her place for a drink. They went back to her house, and after some time, she took him into her bedroom and began undressing him. The couple had wild, passionate sex many times during the night. The next morning when he awoke, she had already gotten up and brought him breakfast in bed.
The guy was amazed and said You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?
No, she replied. You just happened to catch my eye!`

Q. Why is air a lot like sex?
A. Because its no big deal unless youre not getting any.

There was a man who really took care of his body. One day he took a look in the mirror and noticed that he was tan all over except for his penis. So he decided to do something about it. He went to the beach and got completely undressed and buried himself in the sand, except for his penis, which he left sticking out.
Two old ladies were strolling along the beach, one using a cane. Upon seeing the thing sticking up out of the sand, she began to move it around with her cane, remarking to the other lady, There is no justice in this world. The other lady asked what she meant.
Well, when I was 20, I was curious about it. When I was 30, I enjoyed it. When I was 40, I asked for it. When I was 50, I paid for it. When I was 60, I prayed for it. When I was 70, I forgot all about it. Now Im 80 and the damn things are growing wild and Im too old to squat!

One weekend, the husband is in the bathroom shaving when the kid he hired to mow his lawn, a local kid named Bubba, comes in to pee. The husband slyly looks over and is shocked at how immensely endowed Bubba is. He cant help himself, and asks Bubba what his secret is. Well,says Bubba,every night before I climb into bed with a girl, I whack my penis on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!The husband was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night. So before climbing into bed with his wife, he took out his penis and whacked it three times on the bedpost. His wife, half-asleep, said,Bubba? Is that you?`

What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
Sexual harassment.
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
$3.99 a minute.

What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
Sexual harassment.
What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
$3.99 a minute.

Have you seen the hottest new Catholic porn film?

It`s 10 minutes of sex and 50 minutes of gu…...

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves, and engage in animated conversation. T…...

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on a donkey. He is not hungry or thirsty, because he ha…...

Whats the first thing to come out of a mans penis when he has sex?

The wrinkles!…...

An old man is sitting on a park bench crying. A young man is walking by and asks him why he`s crying…...

Boss: Where were you born?
Sardar: India ..
Boss: which part?
Sardar: What 'which part'? Whole body was born in India .

2 sardar were fixing a bomb in a car.
Sardar 1: What would you do if the bomb
explodes while fixing.
Sardar 2: Dont worry, I have one more.

Sardar joined new job. 1st day he worked till late evening on the computer. Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Sardar: Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

At the scene of an accident
a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!
Sardar: Control yourself. Don't cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying?

Sardar: U cheated me.
Shopkeeper: No, I sold a good radio to u.
Sardar: Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is 'All India Radio! '