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    'No Fats or Fems'

    Sex & Relationships
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    • Y
      YORCH32 last edited by

      It's all about personal tastes, but it doesnt justifies the use of offensie terms.

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      • N
        nordicblue last edited by

        @phillo:

        Oh there's definitely a dismissive, hateful undertone to the wording of many profiles I read. I tend to be into guys 25-45 and my various profiles state that and I don't need to put "ABSOLUTELY NOT INTO GUYS OVER 50" though I get messages from older men a lot. I'm wondering if the nastiness of certain profiles reflects a more widespread degradation in our basic cultural civility? Are the people who put "no fats/no fems" in their profile the same people who will cut you off in traffic, talk on a cell phone while at a register and fail to hold open a door?

        That's definitely a non-sequitur there. There is nothing wrong with not liking fat people or effeminate men.  In addition to that, we went from not liking fat or effeminate people to saying they cut you off as if only masculine gay guys don't hold the door open.  There are plenty of raging queens who are judgemental and will behave uncivilized.  I prefer someone who says what they feel instead of hiding behind a veil of political correctness.

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        • P
          phillo last edited by

          @nordicblue:

          @phillo:

          Oh there's definitely a dismissive, hateful undertone to the wording of many profiles I read. I tend to be into guys 25-45 and my various profiles state that and I don't need to put "ABSOLUTELY NOT INTO GUYS OVER 50" though I get messages from older men a lot. I'm wondering if the nastiness of certain profiles reflects a more widespread degradation in our basic cultural civility? Are the people who put "no fats/no fems" in their profile the same people who will cut you off in traffic, talk on a cell phone while at a register and fail to hold open a door?

          That's definitely a non-sequitur there. There is nothing wrong with not liking fat people or effeminate men.  In addition to that, we went from not liking fat or effeminate people to saying they cut you off as if only masculine gay guys don't hold the door open.  There are plenty of raging queens who are judgemental and will behave uncivilized.  I prefer someone who says what they feel instead of hiding behind a veil of political correctness.

          I never said there was anything wrong with preferring in shape and masculine men.  I'm not sure what's illogical about assuming a profile written like this - "NO FAT guys, OLD guys, or FEMS. DON'T BOTHER" - belongs to kind of an asshole. I didn't do a study or have research to back it up but it's not crazy talk. It's very clear and easy to understand a profile worded like this - "If interested please be skinny to muscular, under 35 and masculine" - do you see the difference?

          Also, I wasn't insulting masculine men I was suggesting that the type of people (masc, fem, white, black, fat, skinny) who write negative profiles might just generally be assholes.

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          • C
            chatnoire last edited by

            Well, it comes back to the individual's type/preference. It's just I prefer to not use such negative language to express my preference. I would just say "same race/faith is preferred".

            And I still get tons of messages from those who I said weren't my type. But I can ignore them. Some people maybe are just too exhausted getting too much messages because they are too hot for society's standard. LOL.

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            • S
              smoothiecub last edited by

              I have that problem sometimes. When I do have it. I just stop using it for a while. It worked again after that. Hope that help…

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              • N
                nordicblue last edited by

                :rotfl:

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                • M
                  moonmonday last edited by

                  It's fine to have your own preferences.

                  It's not fine to be an asshole about them.

                  End of story.

                  Though honestly grindr is pretty much a leaky trashbag, so if you're looking there and expecting anyone much, you're setting yourself up for disappointment from the get-go.

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                  • A
                    Aleedinver last edited by

                    I don't know how to answer to this thread… I'm very picky so, I'm probably the first who will write "not interested in XXX", but Grindr as many other sites is not used at the same way by all people... for example these "assholes" maybe see Grindr only as a way to have some sexual encounter. Maybe they are wrong, but it's clear that their aim is not chatting... so why bother to chat with them?
                    If some trans ask me to meet me or start sex-talking with me (not talking about trans rights or similar, but actual sex-talking, ok?) and I wrote I'm not interested, this is annoying.

                    Different is "black people/trans/fat/etc... keep away"... this is rather racist, because you are saying you don't want even that they look at your photos or profile and this is very rude... but maybe they don't even understand what they wrote... written language lacks the depth of spoken language and we often write things without thinking on them very much...

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                    • D
                      deflorare last edited by

                      @bluehue:

                      I find it's easier, more polite, and ultimately more effective to just use positive language.

                      No fat or fems = Preference given to fit, healthy, and manly.

                      I personally avoid the people who use excessive negative exclusionary language.

                      But hey, I'm single. What do I know about meeting nice guys…  😕

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                      • B
                        bibob last edited by

                        I don't know why people get so worked up over this.

                        Those on Grindr are well known to be the nastiest Queens around to be avoided.

                        For bears, we have Scruff and Growlr.
                        For oldies, we have DaddyHunt and Mr. X.
                        For Asians, we have 9Monsters and Jack'd.
                        I qualify for all of the above  :mob:

                        So who cares about those nasty Queens of Grindr?
                        If sex is what you are looking for, you get more than enough to keep your bum toasty for the whole week. :anal2:

                        I like to talk dirty.

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