Bottoming: Pain and Fear?
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Hi,
I'm a bottom and I have bottomed for quite a few guys. However, I still feel pain when I get fucked (although not as much as it was during my first time) – it's this burning feeling during the penetration. I have never really gotten over this pain. Furthermore, I'm also scared that sex will end up messy as well. I usually douche before sex, but I tend to get anxious about this. Any advice on how to deal with the pain and fear, anyone?
Thanks!
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Hey pal,
Those fears are so common to all of us that bottom. I don't have much more advice to tell you that you probably you already know.
Regarding the pain, lube is your best friend. I also have a very hot shower before sex to relax my muscles and one drink or two may help. On some occassions I use anal sprays which relax your muscles and you feel no pain at all.Regarding the mess, it is important to understand your body and how it works. You are in better condition to know when is the best time to have sex and if you can have it without any unpleasant surprises. A diet full in fibre usualy helps more and I personaly keep my food to minimum if I know I am going to have sex at night (I prefer to eat a few apples and a cereal bar). But again you are in better condition to know what you should eat or drink. I have a friend who likes to have a milkshake or sth before because it helps him clean his bowels.
In any case, this is part of the play and whoever has sex with you must know that this is a possibility and not sth to be assmed of. -
The pain and fear can be related: If you're worried about having an "accident," you'll probably contract your anal sphincter, which makes your hole tight–and more likely to feel pain. If you relax your sphincter (often associated with mildly "pushing" to expel feces), you won't feel as much--or any--pain. Instead, your partner's cock will slide right in and experience your inner warmth.
Relaxing the sphincter isn't intuitive if we're worried about an accident. A good douche, and picking the right time of day, will make your rectum very clean--but you need to believe that this is the case. Practicing with a dildo (or a cucumber) can give you the confidence you need.
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Mentally relax and the rest will follow.
If you are with a stable partner, then a drink or 2 can help relax you. Don't overdo it or the whole thing will be a disaster.
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I can definitely relate to this. I have gotten to the point of feeling pretty ok with getting clean beforehand and i have learned to relax knowing that is very important. Initially I wasn't able to take anything because of this nervousness but now I can hand my small toys and plugs. Despite this, the burning feeling you mentioned is something I continue to experience that ultimately makes it where I can only engage in anal play for a very short amount of time. Im starting to think that its just something I won't get used to.
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Try to breath from the pit of your stomach. When we are anxious we often breath from high in our chest and we're tense further down. Try to breath slower and lower and focus on your asshole making sure the muscles in your pelvic region aren't tensed up.
Give your asshole time to accept the feeling of their dick inside you before they start actually fucking. A top's focus should be on your pleasure, not their own - if they want to get in there and pound away immediately, that's pretty boring on their part. Are you letting your partners know you are a little uncomfortable or anxious? If you let them know they might take it a bit slower to let you accomodate.
Try sitting on them, without riding, and just kiss and cuddle with you in control of when and how much you move, rock back and forth slowly if you like. Have fun. When your body feels more relaxed you can go to other positions for the actual fucking. You can even do the same thing in a missionary position, with them inside you and only fucking when you are ready.Anxiety about making a mess is totally normal. Try not to eat anything too spicy or loose the day or two before (anal sex is never spontaneous I'm afraid). You know your own body and how it reacts to your diet, for me it's minced beef! I wouldn't even look at a spaghetti bolognese or cottage pie if I knew I was bottoming, lol. If you are not confident, then just say you don't want to fuck this time - there's a million other things to do besides penetration, they all end in an orgasm. :love:
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I'm versatile and it is true that it hurts a lot the first time, if I haven't been fucked for some time. I guess i need to be a bottom more frequently
