Roles - What do they show (personal opinion)
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Hey y'all,
I wanna share my point of view regarding roles and their predictability regarding certain features. This comes from my experience through online dating sites, such as PlanetRomeo.
So, according to certain classifications on that site, there are Bottom only, More bottom, Versatile, More top, Top only.
What I gathered for:
• Bottom only: Most commonly – too feminine (don't mean to offend, I am solely using terms that will be easily understood regarding what I am trying to convey). Additionally, most of the people who use this specific role on their profile have attachment issues, as in, they get really easily attached and demanding. Being careless even for a bit generates instant disappointment to them. Working this out would usually require a lot of patience, if you are not sharing their personality traits (meaning, you are not easily emotionally attached). The thing with this role-category on dating sites is that they expose their butt, most likely. This is normal, you'd say, but it is also associated with high sexual impetus, giving the impression (true or false) that they have been with a lot of guys in the past, thus, causing avoidance. This role is also common between ages of 18-21. I assume that it has to do with fear of not being able to perform, a characteristic that stems from a shattered or not solid self-image.
• More bottom: A bit more "down-to-earth" type of personality. More bottom would be selected by someone who is actually enjoying having passive sex and includes the possibility of topping in rare cases. This type of guys tend to categorize other guys into "too muscular" or "too feminine". If they are too feminine, the chances of getting laid with them decrease. If they are classified as "too muscular", they will stick to their bottom role. More bottom typically works with what the other person exudes, what kind of a vibe they send. Depending on that, they decide accordingly. Moreover, they are conceived as people with accepted sexuality and therefore are avoided (not as much as Bottom only-type), because it is believed that they usually belong to gay circles and are therefore reluctant. The guys that avoid them have either not accepted their sexuality (most of them posing as Bisexuals) or they simply do not approve that lifestyle.
• Versatile: Probably the most successful role. Versatile usually range between 25 - 33. They are perceived as the "cool" types of guy that will not have a problem with either role. Consequently, they also inspire a feeling of an out-going person, socially acceptable in most areas and a potentially good friend. This is the stage where the bisexual orientation comes to play. From this level up to Top only, Bisexuality is much more frequent. Regarding the social role, this type of person usually dominates the social networks with a handful of likes, favorites and other alternative ways to express your admiration to them. Cute pets are also part of the uploaded pictures, serving as an enhancement to their social impact. Common fantasy: orgy.
• More top: This may sound a bit awkward, but there are two cases here; a) they don't enjoy passive sex or b) they are too bored to keep themselves clean for anal sex, even if they know they would enjoy it. More top is usually not a realistic and definitive role, but a disguise, in case b) is true. Unlike versatile people, more top is more neutral - they tend to be less sensitive and more apathetic than the previous roles. This usually originates from wrong choices of the past (relationships that ended prematurely), causing them to bring their emotional cloud into new relationships as well. They have no ideal partner, but they tend to overuse "honesty" among other requirements on their profile descriptions. Commonly disappointed from the chaos of finding a partner and high probability of deleting their profiles and returning with another nickname; then, it's only a vicious circle. Most of those who bear these issues hardly do they realize that the problem may come from them and that they have communication problems, because they don't try more. Ironically, More Top's are very passive when it comes to finding a partner - they usually wait for others to contact them. The fact is, they attract any kind of roles, from Only Bottom to Only Top. Bisexuality is even more frequent here.
• Top only: Top only usually pose as bisexuals (be it true or not). Confused personalities, regarding their orientation, heavily affected by social stereotypes and cliches. Their biggest fear is to be called gay in a derogatory way; they don't accept the term even as a joke to them. Their regular practices include wanking with others, accepting blowjobs (rarely giving) and having anal sex in the case that they won't feel intimidated by the other person. Feminine guys are a huge turn-off for them, unless they look slutty and ready to take up their cock anytime (this is associated with their need to be confirmed, usually issues from a strict father or mother figure). They seldom look for a relationship, thinking that committing to a guy will restrain them. They sometimes have a pathological need to prevail in discussions, groups of people and they transform this even into their sexual life, considering most of their partners inferior to them. In social occasions, they tend to hit on girls as well (they score the maximum distribution of bisexuals). The average Top only is already committed to a girl/woman. Multiple "str8 looking" terms float around their descriptions.
Disclaimer: Please, don't go like "that's not true, I am role X and I don't do that", I am not suggesting that these profiles apply to everyone, mainly why I excessively used neutral adverbs, such as "sometimes/commonly/typically/usually", etc. These profiles come from my 5-year experience in sites like these and my studies in Psychology.
Feel free to share your opinion.
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I myself, being a total top, am generally more masculine than a lot of other gays you'll find. Then on the other hand my boyfriend, being a total bottom, isn't the most masculine guy you will meet, but I don't consider him feminine either.
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Dear chubchaser,
thank you for your input. This can derive from the fluid self-image; people tend to acquire behavioral characteristics and instincts from their partners. This of course does not necessarily mean that he got influenced by you, it could also be his "way".
Cheers!
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Spot on, absolutely love it!
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A friend of mine used refer to himself as "butch in the sheets and queen in the streets". His boyfriend confirmed it.
Seeing them, you'd swear their relationship in th bedroom was the other way around.
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A friend of mine used refer to himself as "butch in the sheets and queen in the streets". His boyfriend confirmed it.
Seeing them, you'd swear their relationship in th bedroom was the other way around.
Yeah, I have had similar acquaintances. That was weird, when something goes off the norm (and by norm I mean cognitive schemas of life scenarios). :laugh:
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This is real funny to read and to think of it there's some truth in it as well. I've always interpreted as how active you are in bed like dominant or submissive without all the SM stuff. The more dominant, the more control and the more submissive, the more passive during sex. When you put your categorisation on my profile you'll get the wrong impression of me in bed. :laugh:
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I think that is a good generalization, naturally not all guys will fit into that. I am more bottom and think you described me really well. Appart from the being accepted thing, however I think those sections are mostly a cultural thing that we don't seem to get in the UK.
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I think that is a good generalization, naturally not all guys will fit into that. I am more bottom and think you described me really well. Appart from the being accepted thing, however I think those sections are mostly a cultural thing that we don't seem to get in the UK.
Culture. Very interesting, I thought about it before writing this, but I have yet to experience more cultures. See, I live in Italy now and it's pretty much just like Greece, therefore I've still not witnessed something "different". Thanks for your comment - refreshing approach
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What I've seen so far is that the role in bed is exaclty the contrary of the role ppl have in their life. Usually bottom ppl thend to be control freak whle top ppl are more chilled out in normal life. Once I fucked a guy here in UK, was Norvegian, total bttm (more slave than a bottom). I discovered later he is a big manager of a very well known fast food chain. Othere people I've met are like this in real life and then in bed they just want to be used, punished or simply fucked.
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I'm a total top because I can't bottom, despite trying many many times. I don't find this very real at all.
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I'm a total top because I can't bottom, despite trying many many times. I don't find this very real at all.
Clearly, you read what's most convenient to you. Quoting from the main post:
Disclaimer: Please, don't go like "that's not true, I am role X and I don't do that", I am not suggesting that these profiles apply to everyone, mainly why I excessively used neutral adverbs, such as "sometimes/commonly/typically/usually", etc.
