Having kids
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I want kids but my partner doesnt how do I go about discussing this to him.
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How badly do you want kids?
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Or, to put it differently, is having or not having kids a dealbreaker for you?
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Having kids is an enormous responsibility, (if you are doing it right) you are looking at a total lifestyle change. If you are really serious about it you need to be honest with him regarding your feelings. It sounds to me as if that conversation has already happened and you want to convince him he should re-think his position. Be prepared for answers you aren't happy with, and potentially having to find a new partner. Parenthood is not for everyone. Kids are not like a puppy that you can palm off on Craigslist when it's not little and cute anymore, and it keeps pissing all over the house.
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I saw the play Dear Evan Hansen last night (brilliant stuff), and one of the central, recurring themes is the weight of parent expectations on the child, and vice versa. And how even families who try to talk through these issues often have difficulty revealing their own selves, and their own "truth".
As applied to this thread, the play reminded me of how much that "wanting to have kids" is such a small, small part of raising a child. It requires such a deep investment, on so many levels, that I would be hesitant to do so if there was a significant "enthusiasm gap" between me and my partner.
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I saw the play Dear Evan Hansen last night (brilliant stuff), and one of the central, recurring themes is the weight of parent expectations on the child, and vice versa. And how even families who try to talk through these issues often have difficulty revealing their own selves, and their own "truth".
As applied to this thread, the play reminded me of how much that "wanting to have kids" is such a small, small part of raising a child. It requires such a deep investment, on so many levels, that I would be hesitant to do so if there was a significant "enthusiasm gap" between me and my partner.
Agreed. Personally I think everyone should be sterilized at birth, and the only way of reversing it is no pass a series of competency classes, mental evaluations, a financial back ground check and 5 years of parenting classes. Some people should NEVER have been parents, and I can't imagine what it must be like to be the child in that situation. Trust me when I say THAT issue is a hetero one. Teenage girls who think it is all going to be fun and games, then reality hits and it's all bad.
I know a lot of gay couples who plan to add children, and most of them will make great parents. But having seen what my sisters have been through.. I know it is not for me. I can go grab theirs and spoil them when I want then take them home.. I am good with that.