How to deal with the very attractive straight friend
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Hi, GT forum. I'm new here, sort of.
And, I figured, we could get semi-serious for a second as I ask an important question. How do you deal with that one friend who is straight, but you find them really attractive? For the record, I'm male and in my mid twenties. I'm talking about my best friend, who I actually just came out to a month ago. He's fine with it. But, I really struggle because I've always been attracted to him. I really value our friendship and wouldn't screw that up.
Is this something any one else has gone through?
I mean, I can keep it under control, but I sometimes glance at his biceps or whatever and I don't want him to notice and jeopardize our friendship.
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i ask for pics of them argumenting i am testing my "new" camera ;D
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I was hoping for serious advice, but that's funny.
I couldn't do that, lol. That's so bad >:D
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Well, you could wait until the famous night when this handsome straight friend would be enough drunk to "try" things :bj2:
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Here's my opinion. I agree with you not to try anything because you value the friendship. He's straight, and trying to get him to be what he isn't will surely ruin the friendship. Also, if he's ever curious, he knows you're gay because you already came out to him. I wouldn't hold my breath on that one though.
What I imagine is there's qualities about him you are attracted to. Determine what they are, and look for them in someone who's gay. If biceps and openminded-ness are important, then participate in some activities where you will have gay men who are athletic and open-minded. I would also remind myself "this is my friend" and try to treat him as such.
Hope some of that helps.
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Heh, I've been in your position before. I agree with a lot of what bebekid advised. One thing that I would add though is its important you make sure that you are just attracted to him, nothing more. If you find that you are crushing on him, thats a completely different issue. If its just attraction, he probably won't mind if you're checking him out :). Just try not to be obvious about it or do it so much it becomes awkward and changes things between you.
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Is this something any one else has gone through?
Yup, been there, done that, got several t-shirts. :poorthing:
One guy in particular: I was sooooo in love, he was brutally handsome, we were the best of friends, and I hung in there with our "friendship" long enough (20+ years) to finally get it through my head that he was basically just a jerk and a lousy drunk, lol. Although my lust for him didn't allow me to see who he really was for many many years. Long story short, when I finally moved away to another state after more than a decade of being his loyal friend, his wife at the time confided in me that he was no longer the same and missed me terribly. They finally divorced years later (…I wonder why?), and he decided to come visit with me all the way across the country, despite me informing him that I really no longer felt the same way about "things" as when we knew each other back in the day. He came anyway - despite my warning, and I realized finally that I really couldn't stand him very much aside from the fact that he was an attractive man 20 years earlier when we had first met. He basically threw himself on me during his visit, I couldn't have cared any less by this time, and couldn't wait to get him back to the airport to send him on his way (…where he now lives with his mother!).
All this is to say, give it some time with your attractive straight friend. You may realize in time that there really isn't all that much to him that is worthy of your interest. Sometimes we just really want the thing that we think is unobtainable. My advice to you at this time: He knows you're into him, just stand your ground, be his friend, and trust me… he'll eventually come to YOU. And if he's lucky, you'll still be into him when he does. But more than likely, you'll find someone else by that time that suits your fancy better than him (who will also likely be more worthy of your time). "Straight" guys like to play games, all hard-to-get 'n' shit, when they think we worship the ground they walk on. And many of them know instinctively when we do.
Put another way: You can say that many of them have GayFriendWantsToFuckMeDar, and they often try to use it to their own advantage.
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Bros before hoes haha but seriously most of my friends are straight guys and some of them are very attractive… I think of them as my brothers, so I've developed this "wall" between them and me when it comes to being attracted to... it helps when you know there are many super cool and attractive gay guys out there... ;D
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w8 for drunk night :cheesy2: >:D
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I had the same experience. I was rather lucky though. For a couple years I was scared of coming out to him but I built up the courage and told him. He didn't care. About 2 days later he comes to me and says "I think I'm gay too". I remember thinking "JACKPOT!!!" lol. I didn't push anything but one night he was stopping over at mine and asks if he can experiment on me. Before I knew it he was sucking me off and you can guess the rest… We had several of those "experiments" despite him having a serious girlfriend. No one else knew he was gay.. I hear he's married with a child now. I wonder how long that will last...
Don't push anything, if it happens naturally it happens, if not you get to keep a friend, that's win win? I would also say in the meantime just get on with your own life and don't stress about it.
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Don't push anything, if it happens naturally it happens, if not you get to keep a friend, that's win win? I would also say in the meantime just get on with your own life and don't stress about it.
Co-sign! Get on with your life, don't get hung-up on HIM.
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I don't ! i just wait till them get out and start jerking till my balls blow!
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just raid his laptop/phone for the inevitable shirtless selfies he's taken, get copies of those and just wank over them when you're alone. He will never be anything more than that.
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Here's my opinion. I agree with you not to try anything because you value the friendship. He's straight, and trying to get him to be what he isn't will surely ruin the friendship. Also, if he's ever curious, he knows you're gay because you already came out to him. I wouldn't hold my breath on that one though.
What I imagine is there's qualities about him you are attracted to. Determine what they are, and look for them in someone who's gay. If biceps and openminded-ness are important, then participate in some activities where you will have gay men who are athletic and open-minded. I would also remind myself "this is my friend" and try to treat him as such.
Hope some of that helps.
Definitely echoing this.
I understand that sometimes the heart (and the cock) wants what it wants, but you have laid almost all the cards. If he wants to make a move– he probably would have done so already.
Depending on whether he is accepting and chill or not-- you might want to open that last card. That you are sexually attracted to him. Of course, that means dealing with a (very high) possible of rejection and the resulting awkwardness, but perhaps it is a risk worth taking.
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All this is to say, give it some time with your attractive straight friend. You may realize in time that there really isn't all that much to him that is worthy of your interest. Sometimes we just really want the thing that we think is unobtainable. My advice to you at this time: He knows you're into him, just stand your ground, be his friend, and trust me… he'll eventually come to YOU. And if he's lucky, you'll still be into him when he does. But more than likely, you'll find someone else by that time that suits your fancy better than him (who will also likely be more worthy of your time). "Straight" guys like to play games, all hard-to-get 'n' shit, when they think we worship the ground they walk on. And many of them know instinctively when we do.
Put another way: You can say that many of them have GayFriendWantsToFuckMeDar, and they often try to use it to their own advantage.
Thanks for this!
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All this is to say, give it some time with your attractive straight friend. You may realize in time that there really isn't all that much to him that is worthy of your interest. Sometimes we just really want the thing that we think is unobtainable. My advice to you at this time: He knows you're into him, just stand your ground, be his friend, and trust me… he'll eventually come to YOU. And if he's lucky, you'll still be into him when he does. But more than likely, you'll find someone else by that time that suits your fancy better than him (who will also likely be more worthy of your time). "Straight" guys like to play games, all hard-to-get 'n' shit, when they think we worship the ground they walk on. And many of them know instinctively when we do.
Put another way: You can say that many of them have GayFriendWantsToFuckMeDar, and they often try to use it to their own advantage.
Thanks for this!
YW :hug2:
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No dealing, if he's straight is nothing more than fantasy.
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Look but dont touch haha
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I recently quit a job because of this. My Boss was literally the hottest thing EVER :cheesy2:
It was really fine until it started becoming unbearable to work with him everyday. Its not that I lack self control but he always used to make me feel like he was "hinting" something to me but then it'd turn out to be nothing and it'd always KILL me… Just couldn't take it anymore. :blownose:So that happened. I used to go to such extremes to earn his affection and he'd always do things that sent mixed signals, feelings getting tossed around, wasn't easy. Till I finally quit. I couldn't take it anymore. I know exactly how you feel, despite my situation being different. I just didn't know how else to deal with things, and I value my pride more than HIM.
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…he always used to make me feel like he was "hinting" something to me
He probably was. Nevertheless, those situations in the workplace make things particularly tricky, because you have to be around one another 8 hours each and every day. Sorry you had to surrender your job over it, but you did what you felt like you needed to do to in order to spare your sense of well-being.
