Is he gay or straight ? your opinion please!
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Hey guys, well my question is about my best friend we grow up together because we live close to each other we used to make out since we were a teenagers and then we started sleeping together we're now in our mid twenties and we're still doing it at least once a month no feelings between us you can say we're just friends with benefits the problem is I came out to him but he never came out to me he always tells me he's " straight " and only gay with me because he's never attracted to other guys I'm just a habit for him! I used to not give a shit about his opinion but now it's making me angry because we're doing it for a while now I feel stupid sleeping with someone thinking he's straight while he's sucking my dick it doesn't make any sense! yea he had so many girlfriends but he was never faithful to any of them we were always sleeping together whether he's single or not we even watch gay porn together and it turn him on and when I asked him about that he said those videos makes him horny because he's watching them with me but if he watched gay porn alone he won't fell a thing ! anyway can really a straight guy be attracted to only one guy ? ???
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Sexuality is sort of a sliding scale, and can only really be gauged by the individual. That being said, I would guess your Friend thinks he is Straight, so he is.
Kinsey showed that no one is really either one or the other, but some shade of grey in the middle. So I would have to say he is more Bi, or possibly "heteroflexible".
You indicate that there is not a strong emotional component, which would seem to indicate that he is in fact mostly/only interested in you. Arm Chair Pysch, I am guessing that you were both the others first, and that is the connection.
The porn is a bit more interesting. I would have to say he is attempting to down play his interest, because he doesn't want to get your hopes up. He is interested, but mostly because he is a guy, likes sex, and finds the actors attractive, with the added benefit that it turns you on. He doesn't want you thinking he might be "secretly" gay, and just keep waiting for him. Being slightly on the jaded side, I would say that he like knowing that when he needs a little something to tide him over, either between girlfriends, or when the current one isn't meeting his needs. Though don't take that to mean that his intention is to take advantage of you.
That is my take on the situation.
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thanks for your opinion that was really interesting to read
and yea you're right we were each other's first! -
My opinion about your friend being "straight" may offend you so, I'll try to keep it to myself (as much as I can anyway) . I'll give you a piece of advice though: you're saying you are friends with benefits and nothing more. As long as you're having fun with that just, do your thing but, if ever, a moment arrives that you're sensing that, you're starting to develop feelings for him, break it off immediately. You don't need that kind of drama in your life. Your friend has a lot of issues to resolve and unless you wanna stuck in quite an unpleasant situation, you better keep your distance. Good luck!
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Hey thanks for your opinion but no way in hell I'll ever fall for him ;D I know it might sound weird but he's kinda like my brother! I just want him to be honest with me that's all!
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This scenario totally reminds me of "Torch Song Trilogy" a great film if you haven't seen it. But if Harvey Firestein teaches us anything in that film is that if a guy thinks he's straight he will never commit to another guy. So whether he's straight, bi, gay or whatever I'd suggest you just move on.
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Straight & gay are just labels that your friend clearly illustrates mean very little. Despite what others think, if he says "I am straight" and even if it is garbled due to your dick in his mouth you should respect that is what he identifies as. Having sex with another man is not what makes someone gay, if it did than myself & a number of other gay men are really straight because we have had sex with women.
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Sexuality is sort of a sliding scale, and can only really be gauged by the individual. That being said, I would guess your Friend thinks he is Straight, so he is.
Kinsey showed that no one is really either one or the other, but some shade of grey in the middle. So I would have to say he is more Bi, or possibly "heteroflexible".
You indicate that there is not a strong emotional component, which would seem to indicate that he is in fact mostly/only interested in you. Arm Chair Pysch, I am guessing that you were both the others first, and that is the connection.
The porn is a bit more interesting. I would have to say he is attempting to down play his interest, because he doesn't want to get your hopes up. He is interested, but mostly because he is a guy, likes sex, and finds the actors attractive, with the added benefit that it turns you on. He doesn't want you thinking he might be "secretly" gay, and just keep waiting for him. Being slightly on the jaded side, I would say that he like knowing that when he needs a little something to tide him over, either between girlfriends, or when the current one isn't meeting his needs. Though don't take that to mean that his intention is to take advantage of you.
That is my take on the situation.
This is what I would say too.
If we want to get on details, there is a possibility that your friend is a Bisexual Heteroromantic (a.k.a, can have sex with both, but can only feel romantic attraction ('love') towards the other sex).
And also that he thinks being 'gay' is a 'lifestyle' and/or a specific set of traits. In that sense, he is indeed capable of being sexually attracted to the same sex but either represses it or rejects the label. (in this case; consider 'straight' as the equivalent of 'not a freak')
Because being gay is one thing; it can be argued that it is a social label of sort; but sexual attraction transcends labels.
Personally, if you want to know -more-, I would suggest asking him of what he thinks about gay people / bi people; whether he thinks they are disgusting/different, what sort of people are gay / bi, etc. Know more of his perspective and/or standards.
But for your betterment? Perhaps it would be better to take that FWB title and…move on (or milk him for all his worth and nothing more). He does not seem to see what you have as anything more than sex, and....regardless of sexual attraction and everything, that's....probably what it is, for him. He can be openly gay and still...be that.
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Does it really matter? Or better yet who cares.
He might be comfortable with you because he trust you, and just see it as getting comfy with a friend, and plain bonding.
There is this lady who wrote entire book on the subject of 'Brojobs' I'll post a link if I find it. -
Does it really matter? Or better yet who cares.
He might be comfortable with you because he trust you, and just see it as getting comfy with a friend, and plain bonding.
There is this lady who wrote entire book on the subject of 'Brojobs' I'll post a link if I find it.My thoughts exactly
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ask him ! really, its better !
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personally i think he may not be gay per se. he may be pansexual if you really want to label it. or if you believe in fluid sexuality theory that works as well.
personally i'd love it if another guy was gay just for me.it's quite flattering i think, but yeah. i see the problem especially if it's just a physical relationship and you may want more.
if i were in your shoes my move would be. to ask him as what the people here have said. but with added conditions.
mainly if he wants to be in a relationship with you. if he says yes, good for you. if he says no, i suggest stop sleeping with him. it will only hurt more as it goes along as such. if he says he needs time, give it to him but still stop sleeping with him. if he doesn't reply or ignores the conversation or even pretend said conversation didn't happen i suggest stop sleeping with him.
so basically stop sleeping with him.as for what people keep saying here about "male bonding" and "brojobs" i have nothing to add to that.
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Bisuexuality or simple curiosity. Who knows. It looks like he's confused by himself I think
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I agree with almost everything already said, however the only thing i would add is that you really need to find a new (or additional) partner/FBs whatever you want to call him/them. This guy is getting everything he wants from the current relationship…. it seems you want more.
He's not comfortable moving on to a deeper stage in your friendship, so you need to let him pursue his life & move on with yours. If you don't, you will always be second choice to his declared preference. If you do, he may discover that he actually does have strong feelings for you. You can still be friends, you can still play with each other, but what you are looking for is emotional/romantic attachment. He's telling you that he's not up for that so you need to go find it for yourself.
Either way, as it stands I can only see hurt & jealousy for you in the future if you don't try & find a relationship with some form of equality. There's plenty nice guys out there, go find one! -
Agree with rbs3i. There's rarely a plain black or white picture in these things. If he says he is attracted to females and not males, except with you; perhaps he is bisexual, with predominant interest in females?
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gay ofcouse isee
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we need more details about him to answer this question
