Attraction to feminine men – why all the hate?
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Full disclosure: I myself am a tall, big, strong, beefy, stocky-muscle bear type. Nobody ever guesses at my sexuality before I talk about it. I am, however, very attracted to smaller, slight, sweet, femmy twinkish types. So, here's my question:
We've all seen them in personals apps and profiles, that long list of checkpoints a person is supposed to meet before they're officially allowed to send some picky guy a message. At the top of the list of things I see most frequently: an insistence that only men that drip masculinity from every pore and orifice should even ATTEMPT to waste someone's time.
The wording changes based on the person. "No fats and no fems," is one I see a lot (pretty rude and judgmental phrasing choices, if you ask me), or "straight-looking and straight acting only," or "into masculine guys only" ….. the words change, yet the message is the same: essentially for the person writing those requirements, they're saying that nobody who appears to be gay on the surface is ever going to wind up in the bed of that PARTICULAR homosexual.
Please understand that I am not casting any judgment on the personal preferences of others -- I get it, I have my own type. I'm just a little confused about why MY type is not one that many people share.
There's nothing that I want more in the world than a cute, soft, slender, petite, feminine guy to hold in my arms at night. It brings out such a protective side in me. I wanna keep him warm and safe, pick him up and carry him to bed, cuddle up a storm! Of course, there's all sorts of nasty things I wanna do with that theoretical person, too, but that's another thread.
I find that this type of guy is generally well-dressed, well-groomed, invariably smells sweet, and tends to have a loving, bubbly, fun personality. This sort of guy often has a sweet demeanor, and a great sense of humor. This sort of guy always receives comments from straight women about being "sooo cute" and how they want to just "adopt them and carry him around in her purse," stuff like that. They tend to have many female friends. Does everyone know the type I'm talking about?
Why? Why is femininity such a demonized thing in our sub-community? Is it inherent in our hormones and biology, or is it something we inherit on a sheer environmental level from the larger culture, one in which masculinity is still perceived as a required trait to be taken seriously? It does seem to be a primarily westernized perception, as far as I can tell. I'm vaguely familiar with homosexuality in other cultures that seem to put a premium on the more feminine men. Of course, those are cultures in which it's not necessarily considered to be "gay" to be in the dominating top role in man-on-man sex, and there's many straight-identifying men who shamelessly pursue them for sexual release.
I do have attraction to women as well (though I have to say they're a lot of work and I grow increasingly put-off by them as time goes on, my dating spectrum has been exclusively men for a while now), so perhaps it's that ... but I have this nagging suspicion that a lot about what makes obviously-gay men unattractive to so many of us is more nurture than it is nature.
Does anyone else agree with me? A cute guy is a cute guy, and a femmy cute guy is still damn cute.
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Well, you mentioned that for you it's strange that your type is not common, it's the same for me who like bears, it's far from common liking big hairy guys, so this point I kinda understand, hehe.
About feminine men, most problem with them is the fact that they resemble women. And at least for me, anything on a man that resembles a woman is a complete turn-off, if I wanted that I would search for women not for men. And I believe that is most people thinking. I don't like even if the guy has long hair, which isn't a feminine trait but is more common in women.
Although the appearance is very important, the attitudes of a man is something that really attracts me. I really like men with a rough voice, that acts like a man. Like I said, if the guy start acting like a woman, it's a turn off to me. He could still be cute, but to me I wouldn't be able to have a relation with him.
And at least on my experience, most effeminate guys I've met, where those kind of shallow people that I wouldn't even want to become friends with, not because they were gay and effeminate, but because of their attitudes. I am not saying that all effeminate guys are like that, and I would like that someone could prove me wrong about them, but that helps the fact that I'm not into them.
And also, I would never, ever, bottom for a guy less mainly than me, it's something I can't accept Oo.
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As a homosexual male, I am attracted to other males. I am attracted to masculine traits, not feminine ones.
I don't see why this is so complicated to understand.
I mean, I don't hate on anyone's preferences, but this thread reads more like a "WHY DOES NO ONE LIKE THE THINGS THAT I LIKE" rant than anything else to me.
Honestly, the penis itself isn't even as much of a factor as the body/facial structure and the personality of the individual. I've partaken in porn of that one trans guy with a beard and vagina who I can't quite recall the name of for some reason (but I'm sure someone knows, he's quite famous), and enjoyed it thoroughly, because it was the masculine traits, not so much the genitalia, of that actor that drew my attention.
As far as MY preferences go, any body type is okay, as long as it's not Anorexic Twink. I mean, it's okay if you're naturally thin, but please, look like you actually eat, and aren't trying to become a supermodel. Either chubby or muscular (or both!) is preferred though. Body hair is also a huge plus, and honestly, the hairier the better (but I do have a borderline fetish when it comes to hirsutism). Also beard/stubble, but they're not mandatory. Tall and broad-shouldered, and a deep voice (preferably at least around my own voice).
I mean, just be a man, please. You can even be a flamboyant queen, for all I care, as long as you're also masculine. I don't like "girly-boys" because they're just that - boys who are like girls.
I don't even know why I'm trying to "argue" a point here, because there isn't really a point to make. This is all personal preference. You just seem to be acting as if you've somehow been "attacked" because you can't find a twink to wuvv u. Maybe you should stop looking on Growlr and Scruff for them, hun.
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I haven't yet joined dating apps so I'm not really aware of general preferences but I haven't really noticed hate for feminine man. I don't think it's hate. More like they are not interested in them. I personally like feminine men. If nobody likes feminine men it just means there are more for us ;D so be happy.
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I haven't yet joined dating apps so I'm not really aware of general preferences but I haven't really noticed hate for feminine man. I don't think it's hate. More like they are not interested in them. I personally like feminine men. If nobody likes feminine men it just means there are more for us ;D so be happy.
I couldn't agree more. With me, it's not that I have a "hate" for feminine men, it's just that sexually, I do not have an attraction to them, with very few exceptions.
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There are 2 completely diferent things on this regard. The first one is not liking feminine guys sexyally. And that's completely ok. The second one is being a complete bigoted homophobe about it. And unfortunately, many gay guys do the latter…
It has everything to do with yout attitude. You can simply say: I prefer masculine guys, and respect feminine guys or simply say nothing about this subject. And you can be the douchebag that uses aggressive and negative language when you express your preference (eg.: "no fems", "no fats", "fem guys gtfo", etc). People can perfectly show their preferences without insulting the ones that are different from what they like. It's just a matter of using positive language insted of negative. -
Besides, someone said "You can even be a flamboyant queen, for all I care, as long as you're also masculine", and that's bullshit. There's no "as long as". Being masculine is not mandatory for anyone. That sentence is sheer prejudice. It is very sad and revolting that some gay people choose to discriminate each other. Don't society already do enough judgement with us?! Shouldn't we know better?
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I think it's a matter of personal preference. I personally am attracted to males and masculinity and as much as social justice warriors will try to tell me otherwise, there's nothing wrong with being turned off by feminine features.
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Just my 2 cents… I personally don't think fem guys are attractive, but I get really turned on about the guys that do like them!
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Me personally I like to cast my net wide and prefer to remain open to all the possibilities. Or as I put it (usually in the form of a song) "I like them big, I like them small, I like them short, I like them tall" the only prerequisite I have in place is that they have a cock.
Sure we all have preferences, I like big guys to be tops but then I also like throwing it into a mountain by the same token I like smaller guys as fuck puppets but having a guy I could easily overpower making me his bitch is equally hot. Truth be told, no matter how skinny they are my little kink can be imagining them shedding a few more pounds, if I am being honest I have tried to entice skinny ones into my lair with the promise of food knowing full well my evil plan is to feed them the once and then never again.
But wait, I came to present my theory:
This hate for feminine men usually couched in the "I prefer masculine" is really a touch of the homophobia. Oh and that "straight-acting" tripe…oh you act straight do you? Well, while you practice your muff diving face in the mirror I think I'll let queenie finger my ass a bit. It's been my experience that some of them there feminine boys can also be unforgiving nasty tops.
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… well this is like sitting in a cactus dildo... why? Because it's subconscious brain farting and social psychology, all about accepting who you are, there are several cases...
1- the "masculinity concept" rough voice, hard edges, hairy, smelly, muscled and short haired... understand that, that is a mere social ideal, that does not define the average male at all, so the majority of male does not respect the idealized form... some will love that social construct because it's a social ideal and they need validation from peers even at subconscious level, even more if you are from an oppressed minority or your own masculinity is always put in evaluation, it's over compensating in several cases.
2- the elusive straight affinity, oh I can pass as hetero means I'm less gay... again someone still struggling to find that noone is superior to anyone, it's sad that this case still happens so often.
3- the "i can not ever bottom for someone less manly than me" manly is not a measure exactly, a man is a man (the masculine ideal just that an abstract concept), this falls into 1 a lot, your whole fantasy is influenced by this subconscious layer of doubts and so forward...
I do not preach everyone to like, be atracted and love everyone, but please find out exactly why it's that, sometimes you are blocking and selecting for reasons that will start looking shallow and more shallow as the years pass by.
The op well you said why you are atracted to them, however did you ever find that several times they got your back? That many times you do not notice but this "girly" guys actually protect and nurture you just as much?
We have a guy to guy relation a homo one, why do we allways need to be judging the level of girlyness, when it's not part of our equation to start with? This female fear also comes from the fact that female are seen as inferior in society, discard that, or look in female open societies and see exactly how this entire comparison falls apart.
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Well as a few has pointed out, the main reason (as appalling as it is for some other people) is because we are attracted to the masculinity of other men. Feminine men are generally more loving, more sensitive, yes more fashionably superior and well-groomed but all those are feminine traits. I don't want to sound as if those are bad quality in a man, but feminine men tends to have all of those qualities at too much concentration, it starts to resemble a woman.
I consider myself as a 100% (well maybe 90%) gay, and I personally despite everything feminine. I am not extremely masculine either, I am short and not too bulky but I straight act (as in I don't sway every now and then, if you know what I mean).
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… but I straight act (as in I don't sway every now and then, if you know what I mean).
I don't know what you mean but then again I am proudly a gay being! Also in bed, naked where I am most gay & it is the moist important I take it up the ass like a man as well as stuff it into my partner's ass like he is a man (unless we are role playing but even then it's usually man to man).
Tell me more about this "acting" straight. Wouldn't you be more comfortable just being your self? I know I am.
Next time your at the Statue of Liberty pull the fire alarm and watch how she lights up. It's like I always mince at the stupid breeders who yell "Fag" as they drive by my friends and me, I do, first I spit, then I mince out a "Was it my lisp that gave me away?" Then, whenever we get where we going the first thing we do is hand out awards for the best actors but girl with those hips ain't no one buying that act, uh huh.
