Maybe i'm gay?
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So where to start… i don't know if I'm gay or bi, if i had to choose I'd choose men but the idea of seeing naked beautiful women is not so bad, but I don't particularly like 'Imagining' it. Well I'm a 20 year old virgin :blownose: and had a girlfriend once but it's just awkward between us. I jack off to both straight (as long as there is a man on it) and gay porn (though right now It's kinda 'hard' for me to get erect, but i like amateur videos). And i haven't yet come out (I'm afraid, but i think my family has an idea) that's why i don't have any experience. So i don't know what am i. It's so confusing... ???
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Well, first of all, the golden rule. Don't panic.
Nothing to worry about being a 20 year old virgin. And hey, sexuality is fluid. You don't need a label urgently; you are you, and that's what matters. As for your sexuality, you can be attracted to whoever you like, whether that's men, women, both, or neither, or each in different ways. Give yourself time and you'll come to understand yourself. In the mean time, don't worry about it so much! Do what makes you happy (within the consent and safety of yourself and others, of course).
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Not everyone holds a lot of faith in Kinsey and his scale, but the one valuable thing to take away from it is that nothing about human sexuality is black and white (although it is very common for youth to feel and/or want it to be.) Do a little Wikipedia search on the Kinsey Scale… and take this test if you think it will help: http://vistriai.com/kinseyscaletest/
But really don't worry about the label… worry about developing your understanding of your own sexuality... if you need a label later (because it helps to find sex partners, maybe) then that will come in due time. If someone, even your family, rejects you for being your true self, then you need to realize they're the one with the problem and not you, as you have been you all your life, even if you haven't fully expressed that to everyone up to this point.
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During the process of coming to accept yourself, it's very common to delude yourself int thinking you're attracted to a gender or the other just to fit in the category you feel "correct" for you, just take it easy, if you like porn just watch whichever turns you on the most, be it with men, women or both, and you don't have to have sex with anybody until you really want it and feel ready. It's very common for homosexuals to lose their virginity late, I lost it at 22. If you can get the movie "Hard Cops" there's a feature at the end with interviews, and most of the performers say they lost their virginity at 21-22, these are men who are attractive enough and comfortable enough with their bodies and sexualities to do porn, they aren't prudes or so ugly they can't get a date so really being a 20 year old virgin is neither rare nor something to be ashamed of.
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@Ozboi Yeah that's exactly what i do, i PANIC :crazy2: all the time, even when I'm hanging out with my friends and the topic goes to 'what would you do if you were gay?' or any related gay thing, i just snap and avoid the topic altogether. I'm just starting to feel a bit comfortable, but I'm so confused all the time.
@NickGWM So i took the test and the result is "F : The test failed to match you to a Kinsey Type profile. Either you answered some questions wrong, or you are a very unusual person." ??? I checked and there's no blank option. And I'm afraid of coming out while I'm still near them so i just act when I'm with them, well I'm 100% sure my brother is Bi (sometimes i 'borrow his porn' when he's not around) but he's not out. Though my family is a bit indifferent around gays, but when they see them they treat them like a clown or just someone to laugh about (sometime they say 'yuck' or 'ew'), just like a weird animal if you will (but gays around here doesn't care about that, in fact they like the attention). So I'm thinking of coming out when I'm away from them.
@Olitommy Well when i first realized i like men I'm 12-13, and i tried to change myself to only liking women, as you can see it didn't work, and i don't know when i started to accept it. I find women attractive but two girls going at it doesn't do it for me, maybe i can just appreciate their beauty? Thanks for the info about the virginity thing, around here most people lose their virginity early (even gay ones). And I'm a romantic (I think) so the virginity thing only bothers me a bit, I don't know if it's a lost thing or not but i haven't met people who are romanticist (only read it from websites).
Anyway Thanks for the Replies and the Info, this is actually the first time i talked about my sexuality so it's kind of awkward, and i typed this for an hour LOL, again thanks for the posts. ;D
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"Coming out" is a big step, and no doubt important, but I don't think it should be your first concern. You shouldn't really have any concern at all, actually. Figure out who or what you like, and if at some point you feel that you strongly identify as gay, then tell who you feel like telling. But especially when you're young and still finding yourself, you shouldn't put so much pressure on yourself as to deal with coming out to your parents or friends or whatever - the situation can be confusing enough for you, no need to put the cart before the horse. Personally, I don't really wanna talk to my parents about who I date or fuck, boy or girl lol.
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Get fully prepared before coming out is always the right thing to do, especially in your case you still confuse a lot.
