Chris: My advice to you is to not work at making "gay friends"; just make friends. I spent a long time thinking "If I only had a gay friend" and I made a few but their friendship was fleeting; my straight friendships (and they know I'm gay) have endured far longer. Don't let "gay" define you; it's part of who you are but not the biggest part.
If you're interested in meeting other gay people and want to avoid the bar scene, try Meetup (www.meetup.com). You may find events in your area. I don't know where you live but if there's a "gay mecca" nearby you could always travel there on a vacation trip. I live not too far from Provincetown on Cape Cod (Massachusetts). I've been a few times but I found that a little goes a long way unless you're really into that sort of thing. But to each his own!
As far a finding a boyfriend/partner goes, don't go looking for one. Chances are one will find you. It really does work that way.
Rob