I'm sorry to hear this, i don't think i can be of help since i've always been a loner/Lonely boy, i've never been with anyone at all (except some experiences as a kid)
This year i wanted to work on myself, feel happy of who i am and maybe that way i would get the courage to seek romantic relations, but this coronavirus situation has just set me back so much :C
i've never felt what it is to miss the connection to somebody, i'm afraid of it. i Wonder sometimes if i experience being with somebody and we separate, will i feel even worse?? what if i get rejected, will i fall into even more terrible shame?
i'm sorry to hijack this thread, but reading your experience made me want to share mine.
i hope you can be happy, remember to treat your mental issues professionally, i think i should do the same.