A little old lady went into the Bank of Canada one day, carrying a bag of money. She insisted that she must speak with the president of the bank to open a savings account because, "It's a lot of money!"
After much hemming and hawing, the bank staff finally ushered her into the president's office (the customer is always right!). The bank president then asked her how much she would like to deposit. She replied, "$165,000!" and dumped the cash out of her bag onto his desk.
The president was of course curious as to how she came by all this cash, so he asked her, "Ma'am, I'm surprised you're carrying so much cash around. Where did you get this money?"
The old lady replied, "I make bets."
The president then asked, "Bets? What kind of bets?"
The old woman said, "Well, for example, I'll bet you $25,000 that your balls are square."
"Ha!" laughed the president, "That's a stupid bet. You can never win that kind of bet!"
The old lady challenged, "So, would you like to take my bet?"
"Sure," said the president, "I'll bet $25,000 that my balls are not square!"
The little old lady then said, "Okay, but since there is a lot of money involved, may I bring my lawyer with me tomorrow at 10:00 AM as a witness?"
"Sure!" replied the confident president.
That night, the president got very nervous about the bet and spent a long time in front of a mirror checking his balls, turning from side to side, again and again. He thoroughly checked them out until he was sure that there was absolutely no way his balls were square and that he would win the bet.
The next morning, at precisely 10:00 am, the little old lady appeared with her lawyer at the president's office. She introduced the lawyer to the president and repeated the bet: "$25,000 says the president's balls are square!"
The president agreed with the bet again and the old lady asked him to drop his pants so they could all see. The president complied. The little old lady peered closely at his balls and then asked if she could feel them.
"Well, Okay," said the president, "$25,000 is a lot of money, so I guess you should be absolutely sure." Just then, he noticed that the lawyer was quietly banging his head against the wall.
The president asked the old lady, "What the hell's the matter with your lawyer?"
She replied, "Nothing, except I bet him $100,000 that at 10:00 AM today, I'd have The Bank of Canada's president's balls in my hand."

It all depends on the couple. If it's a mutual situation and it has been discussed and agreed than the couple could make it work against themselves.
But in my life, relashionships are made of two faithful people.

So this young woman is in line at the grocery store with her hand basket full of groceries. She unloads a small carton of milk, six eggs, single servings of soup, and small pieces of meat. The cashier looks up at her, smiles and says: "You must be single." She smiles with a gleam of hope in her eyes and says: "Yes, how did you know?". To which he replies: "Cause you are fucking ugly!".

Four nuns were in a car crash and died. They went to the Pearly Gates and stood before St. Peter.
He said: "Before I let you into heaven, I have to make sure you're pure. Have any of you had anything to do with a man's private parts?"
The first said: "I saw a penis once." Peter replied: "Wash your eyes with the holy water from the font and then you can enter heaven."
The second said: "I touched a man's penis once." Peter replied: "Wash your hands in the font and then you can enter heaven."
Just then the fourth cuts in front of the third. Peter asked "what are you doing?" She replied: "If I have to gargle with that water, I'm going to do it before Sister Ruth sits in it."

In the early 80's Russian scientists discovered a way to transfer some of the pain of the child birth from the mother to the father. They find a couple and volunteer them for the experiment. As the woman is a about to go into labor(in Russia man were not allowed to be in the hospital where women gave birth) the scientists call the guy.
"Comrade, are you ready?"
"Whatever, comrade … click(hangs up)"
Puzzled scientists turn the machine to 10% call the guy again.
"Comrade, how are you feeling?"
"Fine, comrade ... click"
Even more puzzled crank it to 50%, the women looks much better. Call the guy.
"Comrade, how are you feeling now?"
"(Annoyed) Fine, stop calling me every 5 minutes ... click"
Finally, giving up the scientist crank it all the way up and call the guy.
"Comrade, tell us the truth how are you doing?"
"Shitty comrade, I am trying to watch a soccer game, my team is losing, you assholes keep calling me every 5 minutes and my damn neighbor is screaming as if he is giving birth."

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they were exhausted and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?" Holmes said Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Timewise, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that The lord is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have, a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot, Some asshole has stolen our tent."

A blond woman is driving her car down the highway, perhaps a bit too fast, when a police car pulls up behind her. The lights start swirling, so the woman pulls over and waits for the police officer to approach. Turns out, the cop is a blond woman as well.
She asks the driver for her license.
The woman in the car leans over to the passenger seat and starts rummaging through her purse. Soon, she turns back to the cop, empty-handed, and asks sheepishly…
"Uhm, I.. uh.. Well.. Which one is my driver's license?"
With a sigh of frustration, and belittling tone of voice, the cop replies, "It's a little rectangle thing, with your picture on it."
"Right, right! I have one of those!" the woman replies, and after a quick return to her purse, hands the cop her compact.
The cop looks down at it, quickly hands it back to her, and says apologetically, "It's alright, ma'am. You can go. I didn't realize you were a cop."

I was eating at a nice restaurant, and I noticed all the waiters had spoons in their breast pockets. I asked my waiter about it, and he replied, "Sir, you're very perceptive. The manager is concerned with efficiency, and he found that the spoon is the utensil customers most often drop. To save time running to the kitchen for extra spoons, we all carry a spare spoon." Surprised but satisfied, I continued with my meal. Low and behold, I dropped my spoon just a few minutes later! My waiter graciously gave me a spare spoon, when I noticed he had a piece of string hanging out of his fly. Not wanting to draw attention to a possible wardrobe malfunction, I continued eating. As another waiter walked by, I again noticed a piece of string hanging out of his fly (no, I'm not a pervert, I just notice things out of place). I motioned over my waiter and asked him about it. He said, "Wow sir, you really are perceptive. The manager decided we took too much time washing our hands in the bathroom, so we tie a string around our…members...and use that to help 'bring the airplane out of the hangar' before we urinate." I said, "Wow, you're manager really IS concerned with efficiency. But...how do you get it back in your pants???"
My waiter leaned over and whispered, "Between you and me, sir.....I use the spoon."

Three women were sitting around the kitchen table discussing how they took revenge on their adulterous husbands.
The first woman said, “When I found out my husband was having an affair, I took all his clothes and threw them on the front lawn.”
The second woman replied, “That’s good, but I took the subtle approach. I took a pin and poked holes in all his condoms.”
The third woman fainted.

Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!"
The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and led the crew to battle the pirate boarding party.
Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!"
Once again the battle was on. However, the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, though this time more casualties occurred.
Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?"
The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid."
The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way.
The men became silent and looked to the Captain, their leader, for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!"

An chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a civil engineer are discussing the human body and the nature of God.
"Look at the body," says the chem-e, "and it's plain that God is a chemical engineer. The elegance of the circulatory system in carrying oxygen, the efficacy of the liver in filtering toxins, the brute power of the stomach in dissolving food and converting it to fuel. It's obvious!"
"Wrong," counters the EE, "God is an electrical engineer. Look at the brain…the world's most sophisticated computer. Look at the nerves, carrying electrical signal with such efficiency. See how the muscles repond with grace and precision. It's obvious!"
The civil engineer considers for a moment, and says "You're both wrong. God is a civil engineer, because only a civil engineer would run a waste disposal line through a great recreational area."