Relationship question
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Ok I have a little dilemma here.
So I recently came out and just now started to chat with gay people. I didn't think it was to fun at first, but then I found that one guy I never thought would be out there. We've been chatting for 3months now and we both like each other. The only thing that separates us is our locations. We might have a possibility to meet next summer or so, but it all depends what we both end up do (work,school and such).
Now about a month ago I stumbled upon another guy who I have different interests with and we get along well as well. He's handsome and we have fun talking to each other. Now, this guy seems to have fun at times and he wants to fly me over to him! He's basically just looking for a good time with laughs, food and sex.Now I don't know what to do. I've been talking to the first guy for almost everyday for three months. I like him a lot and I think hes really sexy, kind and sweet, yet we wont meet for a long time…
And this other guy works and is super busy. He's a master within my work field and I think he would be awesome to hang out with him and he's handsome. I really think we would have a great time.
Now I don't know what to do. I really want to go see the other guy now, but then I don't know what to tell the first one. I mean we don't have a relationship as we've only been chatting, but I'm afraid i'll make him a bit sad and maybe he wont talk to me anymore? He tells me he goes to gaybars (with friends) very few times, but just for fun(drinks). And I believe him. I don't really wanna lie to him either as it always shows sooner or later. So what should I do?
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Be honest with the first guy and tell him you have been invited to visit a friend for a Holiday. Then if the questions you fear come up with guy #1 again be honest. You do not have any commitment to break with #1.
You are young in your coming out process and IMHO you need to enjoy your life for now and let things go as destined.
The chances of falling in love should be the last thing on your mind. Love comes in it's own time to all of us if that is what we desire.
You need experience with the Gay Community and it's members for your own growth.
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it's all up to what you want at all. wish i had the same problem as you…
my 2 cents: i prefer people who are closer to me (distance, psychics, thinking, spirituality) before look. but it's also important. so now it's your turn to manage both guys in an appropriate and correct direction, to achieve your goal. you only need to answer to yourself: what exactly i want ...?
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Thanks for the answers!
Well I tend to like people of a different race which separates us by a continent. and there are no hot guys were I'm at at all.
I think that's a good idea. Telling him I'm visiting a friend. I also think it's important for me to try out sex and being with another man before I commit to a relationship or so, so in the end this would probably benefit both of us? I only been with girls before, and we didnt go through as my dingdong didn't show any sign of excitement. But that was when I lived in denial.So I'm gonna go to the US were both lives, but on different coasts. When I tell him, he'll probably put one and one together. I think I would have a great time, but I just don't want to hurt him and be under that pressure whilst im there.
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I just don't want to hurt him
I'm afraid i'll make him a bit sad and maybe he wont talk to me anymore?
Read yourself… you obviously like the first guy, yes maybe you want to shag the hottie who might give you hints in your career and all, but you have all this regret already in the back of your mind about it... so it's pretty clear what you think you should do, question is why are you looking for reasons not to do it, may be it's just butterflies, because you build up the first guy like a white knight and know you are under the delusion prospect or the opposite you are afraid of comitting, this is just my humble perspective.
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So if I understood you correctly. You want me to do whatever I want and leave all regrets behind?
Thing is that I'm all new to this gayscene and I have no idea what it's like. I'm really curious, and maybe a bit inpatient to see what it's all about. I really think me and first guy would go great together, but as we are both going through changes in lifes we wont be able to meet in the near future. I think my mind has become a little bit clearer but I'm still not a 100% sure I'm doing the right thing here. The only thing I'm worried about is hurting another person.
Now, the other guy who I would like to be friends with is visiting my country in November aswell, but he still wants to fly me out this summer during his vacation of work. I personally think it would be really fun as I find this other guy very cool and interesting, and hes not into relationships so it will stay there.
Am I being an asshole to No.1 or am I overthinking all this way to hard.. Just a question from a noobie to more experienced guys.
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So if I understood you correctly. You want me to do whatever I want and leave all regrets behind?
No I was stating that if you have regrets is because "you care", think if you would care for the 2nd guy that way; and well you are not being an asshole (tho by talking you already have something, it's not yet a relationship), you are just new with your sexuality and in my humble opinion not wanting to get tied in a relationship right now (am I wrong)? As long as you don't make it a pattern in which you get a great guy and self destruct the relation by going after an hottie (because you are just running away out of fear of comitting) you'll be fine, just be aware that there are many which fall in such pattern.
But as you said… you are new, you are entitled to feel this "I just got out and I have already this guy and ahhhh I don't know... should I explore more and ahhh" and you should talk about that to both the guys defenetly... If you are going to have a first time gay sex thing happening (or any intimacy whatsoever) then make it count with somebody that cares, that is my advice... do not fall in the fast road scene of I slept with the entire state, it's not glamorous it's just bad news and lonelyness waiting to happen.
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So if I understood you correctly. You want me to do whatever I want and leave all regrets behind?
No I was stating that if you have regrets is because "you care", think if you would care for the 2nd guy that way; and well you are not being an asshole (tho by talking you already have something, it's not yet a relationship), you are just new with your sexuality and in my humble opinion not wanting to get tied in a relationship right now (am I wrong)? As long as you don't make it a pattern in which you get a great guy and self destruct the relation by going after an hottie (because you are just running away out of fear of comitting) you'll be fine, just be aware that there are many which fall in such pattern.
But as you said… you are new, you are entitled to feel this "I just got out and I have already this guy and ahhhh I don't know... should I explore more and ahhh" and you should talk about that to both the guys defenetly... If you are going to have a first time gay sex thing happening (or any intimacy whatsoever) then make it count with somebody that cares, that is my advice... do not fall in the fast road scene of I slept with the entire state, it's not glamorous it's just bad news and lonelyness waiting to happen.
I do have regrets because I care. And yeah you are partly right. I wouldnt mind a relationship, but even he said that even though we love each other now, we might be different when we meet and that things as they go. And I think it would jut be stupid if we set up and relationship now as we probably wont meet for another year or so.
I'm not to scared about that pattern. I know I'm humble, and at this point I'm just curious and careful. I'm not looking for any other guy, I'm scared of diseases and I don't find that many guys attractive. But who am I to say that? I have no clue what will happen. This is just my thoughts at this popint and I think having sex will change lots of things and values, good and bad.Now people told me all the time that I should just dont care about whos the first as it doesnt matter in several years, but these people never seem to fall in realtionships( my straight friends). But I care more about people than the way they treat their girlfriends… ANd me and the second guy like each other, but we both know that a relationship might not work, because of our different stages in life.
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I'd say it would make your head clear to see the first guy in person before the second guy, but if that's not possible you really got the dilema there, but don't be afraid to screw it up, after all making errors builds up character, it's part of life. :ghug:
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Lol, that smiley sums it all up
