Abnormal Penis Need Advice
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My friend has had some trouble with his penis but he's finally ok.
The shaft/balls look normal.
The top side of his penis head looks normal.The issue is with the glans area. Its like a blur of skin and theres no definition (no 'slit' like normal guys have).
Its bothering him a lot and he has seen many docs but nothing further can be done to revise it.
It doesn't look so bad for someone to say 'no I wont have sex with you' (in my opinion).
But it doesn't look good enough for him to 'pretend' like he's had no problems down there.He doesn't want to have to explain to everyone he sleeps with whats wrong. He's into random sex and doesn't want relationship sex only.
Hes a top, above average dick size, great body too and attractive face. It works perfectly fine and with a condom no one would even notice the issue. Its the BJ's that are a problem (as the person sucking will be able to tell).
He liked guys more then girls which perhaps makes things worse because every guy he sleep with will have something to 'compare it to'. But he avoids sex at all costs/even a relationship because he's far too insecure about his penis.
Should he be?
Please give honest replies. Pics available via PM.
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he has seen many docs but nothing further can be done to revise it. "
His hypospadias is not a functional disorder, but a medical one that has treatment options. But if he's exhausted every conceivable one then his only remaining option according to Külbler-Ross is acceptance – undoubtedly, a most-protracted and difficult stage to get to – but one he can with support.
hxxps://facebook.com/Hypospadiasgroup
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He has seen many docs (including counsellors) but even if he accepts it there is still an issue of the above…. what do you suggest?
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He doesn't want to have to explain to everyone he sleeps with whats wrong. He's into random sex and doesn't want relationship sex only. "
Acceptance is like relationship currency, purchased and sold by each person in all relationships, big and small, and the cost is factored by time invested.
The acceptance that family members give each other is based on time invested that measures into years, and as such, is vast, unending, and emotionally expensive. The acceptance that two people on a one nite stand give each other is on the opposite side of that spectrum—barely any—because the time invested is measured in hours. Emotionally speaking, this makes short-term and one-nite stand relationships the better bargain.
The acceptance that he wants from the people he chooses to spend time with will be offered in much the same way, a relationship where acceptance is wholly dependent on how much time both participants see fit to purchase.
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On second thought, I think Ayn Rand contemplates the more superior action plan when compared with Kübler-Ross's:
Do not let your fire go out, spark by irreplaceable spark, in the hopeless swamps of the approximate, the not-quite, the not-yet, the not-at-all. Do not let the hero in your soul perish, in lonely frustration for the life you deserved, but have never been able to reach. Check your road and the nature of your battle. The world you desired can be won, it exists, it is real, it is possible, it's yours.
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Plastic surgery can't replicate a normal looking 'slit' on the back side of the head?
I guess it could possibly change the sensitivity or sensation negatively. So don't fix it if it isn't broken is probably the better path to take.
So maybe he shouldn't worry about explaining it then. People are either going to be OK with it or not anyhow so why waste time trying to explain it to everyone only to still possibly be rejected (hope he's never been rejected). They have to see it after all anyways, right?
Spintendo: I'm not certain, but I think charlesperr's friend has a different condition than hypospadias from the description in his OP. It sounds more like a more minor cosmetic problem where the head of the penis isn't divided/indented/cleft on the backside. Looks like the term might be glans meatal cleft (?), and he doesn't have one…unless you saw the pics. ??? I looked up hypospadias, and charlesperr didn't mention a misplaced external urethral orifice (pee hole). ???
Is it hypospadias?
![😕](https://community.gaytorrent.ru/assets/plugins/nodebb-plugin-emoji/emoji/apple/1f615.png?v=hvqg2qn0nb4 ":-\")
I voted No, he shouldn't be so concerned.
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Oh no - he doesn't have hypospadias. His meatus is in a normal position. Its a tiny bit tight but its not visibly bad and he urinates fine. Its central and on the 'penis head tip' like normal guys have it.
His penis is completely normal in every respect except the underside lacks the 'groove' and the 'coronal ridge' which is distinct in most men but not in his (imagine 'filling' that 'glans split' with more tissue - it looks like that). It works perfectly fine (so I'm told), his sensitivity is still great and everything is 'normal' (including the appearance of the upper side of the head) but just the underside is not cosmetically correct.
It looks kinda like 'c' from figure 2 here: hypospadias-surgery.com/for_doctors.html
He has not yet been rejected because he has been to paranoid to approach anyone.
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question: is he circumcised? If so then perhaps the lack of the split is where it has healed?
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Yes he is circumcised but the skin is not stitched 1 inch below the head. Its near the head so there is not really a 'visible' line. Just imagine an uncut penis but the foreskin not covering all the glans. Thats how it looks.
Only the underside lacks contours/definition.
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where the head of the penis isn't divided/indented/cleft on the backside. Looks like the term might be glans meatal cleft"
There was a post last year about glans-related enhancement issues i'm remembering, about HA gel injections
https://forum.gaytorrent.ru/index.php?topic=17414.msg77985#msg77985
So maybe he shouldn't worry about explaining it then. "
Not giving explanations while also not wanting to get questions is a bold move, wanting to eat your cake and have it too. Bold moves often win the day. As there's nothing to suggest it wouldn't provide him occassional success, he should use it as often as he likes. People can also be given an opportunity to do more and give more if they know more.
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He doesn't need glans enhancement as his glans are bigger then his shaft. The underside just needs the contours to make it look 'normal'.
I'm not sure what you meant by the second paragraph - sorry! Can you please explain?
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Not giving explanations while also not wanting to get questions is a bold move, wanting to eat your cake and have it too. Bold moves often win the day. As there's nothing to suggest it wouldn't provide him occassional success, he should use it as often as he likes. People can also be given an opportunity to do more and give more if they know more.
Yep…I believe most people won't ask questions if he just acts normal and goes with the flow. It should be apparent that he was born that way from the sound of it, so what's there to ask?
Like it, or be OK with it, or don't. Explaining might turn a minor issue into a big one and kill the mood, or make it a whole drawn out 'thing', where everything would have been fine otherwise if he just whipped it out. Even with an explanation beforehand, and this seems tough to describe, guys won't really know until they see it so why not save time and go straight to show and tell time? I'm not sure what you meant by the second paragraph - sorry! Can you please explain?
I read it as he's in agreement with my statement, he should just go for it without explaining…Spintendo can further explain if he wants or correct me.
What does your friend like to do sexually? Top? Bottom?
He might be able to build back his foreskin too, that might help a little maybe since it might make it less noticeable. I haven't seen the pics yet, but possibly the HA gel injections Spintendo suggested still might help if applied by the right doctor. Maybe it can be formed in a way that gives your friend's penis the more desirable/"normal" look he's after that might make him content, or at least content enough to feel comfortable.
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Ah ok I see what you mean now. I'll let him know.
Hes top (which is why I told him to worry even less and when its inside no one cares. He said penetration was fine - BJ's are not).
He is stretching his foreskin so its covers the glans once more but when erect its not going to make much of a difference haha.
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IMHO: without seeing any pics ~ I personally do not consider this issue such a big deal. It would not stop me from having sex with him ~ however I am a Top as well so this would be the real issue.
Bottoms and Versatile Gay Men far out number true Tops and I would think that he would have no problems finding plenty of bottoms that would not :faint: at first site of his penis.
That being said I can understand his concerns since some Gay Men can be quite judgmental in general. These are the Gay Men we learn to avoid in life.
BTW: I would love to see the pics!!!
PS: My husband Rob just said " I would not :faint: but would fall down to my knees for him " :bighug:
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PM'd
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After looking at the pics this is what I think:
If my Rob had this penis it would not have been deal breaker to our relationship. I fell in love with the man not the penis.
Although I completely understand your friends position with a lack of confidence in a one nite stand situation. I wish I had the words to give him that confidence he needs.
Gay Society can be very judgmental towards other Gays at times and we all have had to deal with that facet of Gay Society in one way or another. I could never count the Gay people that I accepted but never befriended because they were such bigots to other Gays for whatever reason.
The 9000 Euros surgery option is very costly and you can not guarantee results.
I still have your email with the photos so I will offer more personal advice if you want by email.
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He is still concerned he is 'abnormal'. Anyone got any further advice?
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This is a case of a physical defect ~ not so bad IMHO ~ that has mental side effects. Your friend needs to seek help with living with this condition and being a Happy Camper in life. I would suggest a therapist or some kind of support group ~ not sure which one tho ~ for help with coping skills. Even the most "together" people have some body issue they cope with daily. This is definitely a unique body issue with which to cope, I agree, however it breaks my heart to think of his struggles and I have no way to really help him feel better :cry2: I wish he were near me so I could help him build some confidence thru being there for him to talk, at least.
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Sorry to bump an old thread but my friend is still having issues with it. Infact hes losing his erection over it but performs fine at night (when using a fleshlight or something - still hasn't had 'real' sex). Hes tried a counsellor but its not helped as he didn't feel they understood (they were not gay themselves). Is there anyone who can kindly offer advice? I've seen it and after all his treatment I think it looks great (not perfect but not terrible) but I'm biased.
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Sorry to jump in without proper welcome, but I feel like suggesting my thought about this problem, or at least how I would try to do to overcome it (if I were in his position)…
If I were your friend, I would either:
- Stop thinking or desiring for one-nite-stands or casual sex, and find a steady relationship with a guy who would understand and love him no matter how he physically looks. I agree with leatherbear with the "I fell in love with the man not the penis." thing. Somewhere outthere, there will be someone who would fall in love with your friend for who he is, and not just because of his physical because let's face it... the quality of human body degrades as time goes by. So it's LOVE that he needs and not just everyday LUST...
- Stop worrying about physicallity. Does it actually prevent him from being optimal on bed? It doesn't right? The only issue is self-confidence or to be exact, psychologically. So just accept who you he is, and be proud of how his conditions are, and just prove it by being the powerhouse in sex... I'm sure any partner who would go through any one-nite-stand with him would never remember him for how he looks, but how awesome he was in the intercourse ;D
Sorry if I sound harsh or anything, I never intended it to be so. English is my second language and communicating is not my strongest suit... but I hope he get the message. More importantly, he should know that there are many people who CARES for him so he's not alone on this, but we really DON'T CARE about how he looks, we care only about how he should be more proud of himself and not let this gets him down :cheesy2:
PS: If you could PM me the picture, it'd be great, though it wouldn't change any of my suggestions
