Poll: Discrimination–Abuse and You
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“Things are much better than they used to be.”
This is a notion many of us often hear, some of us even expressing such.
Of course, in our world–in spite of the fact that we as a people are all the same in terms of what we are, that being “human”–it’s sad that in this world that we all share, there exists such a vast separation between us.
That blanket statement--“Things are much better than they used to be”--unfortunately doesn’t cover all of us. Yet, we are all human and of the same species, therefore all the same in that respect.
The truth is, in our world where we are all the same–human–we all share that fact, we all share this world (more or less), but we all don’t share that belief.
As a result, ours is a world where being one of the same means nothing when it comes to being treated the same--a world where not only a fellow human’s quality of life is in jeopardy, but often the life of that fellow human as well.
I feel fortunate that, aside from the small number of 3 incidents, the blatant discriminatory acts I’ve experienced have been minor…
The first one was in 1965. I was no more than 5, and not yet a kindergartner, living in a small town on the Monterey Peninsula, in California, where I grew up.
I’m playing one weekend afternoon in this little playground, and here comes this kid (who I’d later come to find, was in the 4th grade at the time). I don’t remember for sure, but I think he was with some other kid. Anyway, this kid--almost twice my age--decides to call me the “N” word. I don’t recall if there was any physical contact, I just remember the name-calling.
I have to imagine it must’ve stung a bit though, because the vivid memory of being home afterwards, thinking I would just deny the fact of my being half “Black”–and as a kid knowing I was born in Honolulu, Hawaii--I decided I would just say I was “Hawaiian” from then on.
Gladly, I never had to resort to that claim, as the second incident happened when I was in my early 20’s, residing in Oakland, California--where I live today. It was on a popular street in Berkeley--College Avenue, on a commercial block, in a quiet district known as Elmwood, with a sidewalk of people strolling about on this sunny weekend afternoon.
Walking down the sidewalk, coming towards me, is this guy, probably in his early 20’s. As we passed each other, we made eye contact. He must’ve had some type of grin or smile on his face, because I do remember smiling at him passing by.
I’m walking, and I hear someone yelling, and turn around upon hearing “FUCKING NIGGER!” being hollered out repeatedly. Like everyone else--I’m staring, looking at that same dude, now yelling that shit out.
Then of course, all the looks come my way, with people trying to see whom this dick is referring to. I remember that their looking at me, for whatever reason, brought on this extreme feeling of embarrassment, in addition to whatever else I was feeling at the time…and I was pissed!
I mean tears were running a few minutes later, as I was telling Bobby about it, and I was fuming!
Even knowing I wasn’t going to, and definitely having no intentions or thoughts of “referring” to it, I do remember that my anger was such that I did say something about my gun.
The only other incident also happened when I was in my early 20’s, and it was quite surprising who the shit-head was that did these things, in that it was a “friend”–a couple of years older than me, and someone I had known for about 10 years at that time. We even shared an apartment together for a brief period. The really bizarre thing about what he did was that he did these things at all!
After hearing the rumor about me and Bobby, which was going around the department where the three of us worked, he asked Bobby about it--later coming to me, and I confirmed the rumor. The little chat ended with him saying something like, “Well, don’t make yourself a stranger.”
The next thing I hear coming out of his mouth--only a couple of hours later--while I’m doing some work in a room a few doors down from where this dickhead worked, I heard this soft shout going down the hall…
“Hey everybody, there’s a homosexual in room …” (I think was the term he used, and I forget what the room number was of the lab I was working in)–anyway, this dick is repeating “Hey everybody, there’s a homosexual in room…”
Can you imagine that? In his mid-20’s--at his place of work, in a stock room, on a floor shared with labs and offices, occupied with grad students, professors, and whoever else, all in the Chemistry Department of the College of Chemistry, at the University of California, at Berkeley--and shouting that down the hall. I mean really…was it that big of a deal to him (or anyone else for that matter) that he would raise such a commotion? That’s definitely got to be someone with a pretty fucked-up set of priorities, if you ask me.
Over the next couple of weeks, after work there would be little clippings on the windshield of my car, offering “Homosexual Counseling” clipped from the school paper. He also came to my apartment complex, once spray-painting “Fag” on my car door, and doing it twice on my apartment door–the first one only needed some scrubbing to remove, while the second time, I actually had to paint the door. Yeah, obviously it was that big of a deal to him. What a nut!
Anyway, and I say fortunately, that’s about the only real discrimination and abuse I’ve had to endure in my life to this point.
What about you?
I know there are different forms of abuse suffered, with verbal, physical (personal and property)–and in this age--cyber-bullying being among the many. I was wondering what some of you might have experienced, or perhaps maybe even dealing with right now.
Racial slurs rant from the 1989 movie, Do the Right Thing…
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OMG Ellis….
But luckily this has shaped you for the better. With all the political correctness nowadays, kids are so coddled that they can't develop a rough skin.
As for myself, I've suffered discrimination because I'm white in Mexico and some 'native looking Latinos' can't even phatom that white latinos do exist. Or when they do, we are target of their so called collective memory of the Spanish abuse. Since in their minds, whites are the racist ones so they insulting and attacking us is not racism...
First slur I had thrown at me was when I was 5 and was returning home from school. A group of assholes rode their car next to us and shouted: ¡Pinche Gachupin! Gachupin is a slur refering to Spanish people.
I have been robbed thrice because the burglars assume I'm loaded, just for being white.
My supposed friends turned on me when I came out in Junior High.
My father had hit me...and my mother just throws the worst of insults at me for being gaywhen she gets drunk (expects me to take care of her...boy, she is so wrong...)
Oh sorry...obviously this thread refers to racial minorities in the USA. Or it will be as soon as 'someone' notices it.
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Verbal:I'll have people call me faggot and/or nigger at many times.
I've had people within the gay community call me nigger and racist terms.
With more homophobic terms.
I remember recently I was just walking downtown one evening and this white guy who was with his girlfriend and his posse of male and female friends said out loud, "stay away from that faggot."
Physical (Bodily):I remember I went to a very diverse school, but many of the boys were homophobic/racist and they just hated my guts.
But because I was gay, none of that mattered. They beat the shit out of me, and I beat the shit out of them. I got like two black eyes one in junior high school and one in high school. Smh.
I remember this is after I graduated high school, it got so much worse. I remember before I dropped out of college, I was spat on by this guy for no reason. He was around my age. I was just chatting outside in the school lobby and he started to get hints that I was gay, and just spat on me and he walked off like a bitch.
I'd be walking downtown and guys would on purpose bump into me or try to stare me down because of how feminine I look.
I'd just have random guys push and shove me in the street and challenge my manhood like that.
I've gotten into random street fights by guys who were possibly drunk. It might have been for racial reasons as well too. I don't know.
Physical property:yes I have had coworkers spit into my food, steal things from me. Just immature stuff like that.
Other:Just the aspect of dealing with people who are homophobic/racist/xenophobic whatever.
I've had people not want to sit by me during lunch at work.
Straight guys sometimes refuse to talk to me or they seem disgusted or confused by me.
I walk into stores and people think I'm trying to steal. They think I'm a criminal.
I was just riding the subway recently and just listening to my music and dancing out in the train to my music, and this white guy wouldn't stop making angrily faces at me and started to point to others on the train and call me faggot and make fun of me. So I went up to him and cussed his ass out, I've had quite about enough of that shit.
Oh well.
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I don't really spend too much time thinking about it. It doesn't matter who you are. There is some other person who doesn't like you for being what you are. The best thing you can do is surround yourself with people who like you.
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Oh sorry…obviously this thread refers to racial minorities in the USA. Or it will be as soon as 'someone' notices it.
Actually, the subject of the post is regarding any discrimination, wherever it may occur, so thank you Eridanos, for sharing your experiences.
In reading the replies, it sucks that you and Domosuke have had such experiences, and I do feel for you both. I'm also happy as it seems that you both rise above the adversity, not letting it keep you down–more than likely gaining something positive form the negative, whether it be the strength to deal with the crap, or the reinforcement in supporting the fact that there's nothing wrong with you, and you're "good" with who you are (as you should be, seeing as you're not the ones with a problem). Those unable to deal with the fact without being negative, those who have an issue with accepting and understanding you--they're the ones with a problem.
Stay strong! :bravo:
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30 years ago was far worse than it is today.
I was recently voted in as a local councillor with 72% of the vote while being openly gay. Nobody cares anymore. It's not a major issue to MOST people.
Education levels (of the parents and personal) tends to dictate bigotry.
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Education levels (of the parents and personal) tends to dictate bigotry.
It's not even about that. It's just the unwritten guy code. No matter how civilized and educated a man is, if he himself is not homosexual, he's just not going to get it and it's just the way it is.
He's going to distance himself from a homosexual man unless he's known him his whole life or they for financial and personal reasons have to be around each other. Like family, friends, coworkers etc.
He can be tolerable and be an "ally" and "to each his own" about it, but at the end of the day, it's not his issue to worry about.
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Education levels (of the parents and personal) tends to dictate bigotry.
It's not even about that. It's just the unwritten guy code. No matter how civilized and educated a man is, if he himself is not homosexual, he's just not going to get it and it's just the way it is.
He's going to distance himself from a homosexual man unless he's known him his whole life or they for financial and personal reasons have to be around each other. Like family, friends, coworkers etc.
He can be tolerable and be an "ally" and "to each his own" about it, but at the end of the day, it's not his issue to worry about.
I don't agree with that. There are plenty of straight males who are more than happy to be around gay men. I live in Boston and nobody cares here. I do think that education does play a role as raphjd stated above. This state has more educated people than any other per capita.
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There are a lot of gay friendly hetero men, in the western world. Other places, not so much.
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Education levels (of the parents and personal) tends to dictate bigotry.
It's not even about that. It's just the unwritten guy code. No matter how civilized and educated a man is, if he himself is not homosexual, he's just not going to get it and it's just the way it is.
He's going to distance himself from a homosexual man unless he's known him his whole life or they for financial and personal reasons have to be around each other. Like family, friends, coworkers etc.
He can be tolerable and be an "ally" and "to each his own" about it, but at the end of the day, it's not his issue to worry about.
I don't agree with that. There are plenty of straight males who are more than happy to be around gay men. I live in Boston and nobody cares here. I do think that education does play a role as raphjd stated above. This state has more educated people than any other per capita.
We will just agree to disagree.
I stand by what I said in my original post. Most straight men want nothing to do with gay men and they are laughing at you and not with you. No, they won't hang you and throw stones at you, but they aren't going to relate to you that much.
Your best bet is to find gay or "bi" guys who are more understanding.
Even then in that case;
I even forgot to add in my first post, that sadly even gay men are assholes too. They will on purpose be closeted around other open gay men which just makes the situation worse. The gay community itself has issues.
"More than happy" What the fuck does that mean?
All the straight men I've known kept their distance with me. They let me know from jumpstreet not to mention anything gay related to them. Or if I do come across as too gay from them, they usually change the subject and alert me to stop.
Maybe it's just the fact that I'm more flamboyant and feminine. That's bullshit though. This is the way god made me, so that shit is dismissive. I'm a human being first and foremost.
I've had "bi" guys that didn't seem to give a fuck, and allow me to hug them and mess around and bitch with them.
I live in LA. It doesn't get more open minded than that.
I don't think education has anything to do with it.
It has to do with guy code and male masculinity.
I have met more homophobic professors and educated men. I have seen so many open minded homeless guys who have no education.
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I guess I'm lucky enough to have only experienced minor discrimination- and only of the verbal sort. I guess partially because of the way I carry myself- and the fact that I tend to conform to most assessments of masculinity- which is something carried over from my days in high school when I was still closeted.
I think more than education levels, a person's exposure to something is the main factor in lessening their tendency to discriminate. That's why coming out is such a big deal- the more people realize that their friends, neighbors, classmates are gay, the more accepting they tend to be. It's not 100% guaranteed, but it certainly helps. It's hard to bash gays when you realize your best friend, brother, favorite sports star is one of "those people".
This holds true for most issues of "Otherness" as well. If you are more exposed to other religions, cultures, races etc. the less threatening it will seem, and the more accepting you will be of them. Education does also play a factor, but nothing beats the more personal experience of being exposed to make the Other seem more familiar and acceptable. This also explains why the more cosmopolitan cities tend to have a more tolerant population than the people from more insular small towns.
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Elaborating on what Domosuke said regarding how straight men distance themselves from gay ones, I reckon there's also lots of societal and peer pressure.
When I came out in junior high, I became a pariah. Only had one friend left to hang around with, until he told me we couldn't be friends anymore because he didn't want to be labeled as the friend of the 'gay boy' (hence being labeled gay too)
Man…I cried so much that day...
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That's terrible, Eridanos. I'm sorry you had to go through that. The pressure to conform and the fear of labels is much much stronger at that stage. Many guys at that age wouldn't have the strength or courage to break the peer pressure yet. I did keep one good friend who was experimenting with me, but we kept things quiet and were very careful with how we acted.
But it does get better, at least in my experience- once I entered college. I went to a big university and made some great friends and finally managed to come out to the ones closest to me. They stood by me and there wasn't as much pressure or judgement as there was in high school.
