My "Live and Die Guy"

[Ellis]

My live and die guy–the one I live for, and the one I’d die for.

My partner since 1982, Bobby “CrusaderRab” has been here for me as my main significant other, since we began this thing–surprisingly and unbelievably now about to enter its 35th year!

Surprising in that looking at when we first got together thirty-something years ago—twice my age, 22 and 44, each in a “committed” relationship; and to be honest, I don’t think either one of us was really looking at anything past that afternoon. Going from that, to a bi-monthly thing, to this–yes, it is rather surprising!

Unbelievable in that he’s put up with me and hasn’t fired me in all this time. Even with all my baggage, and circumstances pertaining to me over these many years, he’s kept me; and I’m sure there aren’t many others who would…maybe excepting my other significant other, of over twenty years! (But that’s another story.)

Anyway, I always tell Bobby he’s the only man in the world with two assholes–me, and the one he was born with.

The problem with great relationships lasting a lifetime is that they only last a lifetime. With the end of a “lifetime,” comes the end of that relationship. More and more these days, aside from his doing so, I’m reminded about the closer approaching time when things won’t be as they have been.

For so long now, it’s been Bobby fulfilling all of my needs, and practically all of my wants–assuming all the responsibilities of affording me this lifestyle--the only effort on my part has been to ask.

Living the life of a kid, I’m ill-prepared for those times ahead, leading up to the time when I’ll be the only one responsible for myself. I hate thinking about it, and doing so saddens me more each time. Of course this sadness has no bearing on the “whats” of my life–what to expect, what needs to be done, etc.,--just on the “who”--who will be missing from my life.

I’m actually clueless about so much and have no grasp of the reality of what lies in store. With only a couple of real close friends, and a small social circle, the forum is where I’ll be seeking advice and answers to so many questions.

From so many posts I’ve read, the forum will also prove to be a source of solace, comfort, support, inspiration, hope, and all of those other nouns and adjectives associated with a sympathy card.

In closing–with a heavy sigh and breath shuddering–and now all of a sudden, the eyes are welling-up (which seems to be happening more often these days when I think about this stuff-- this male mid-life hormonal change thing, or whatever it is, it’s really doing a number on me!)…

At 56, I’ve been lucky in not having to compose many sympathy cards, fortunate to have experienced only a few such losses. The closest was the passing of a dear uncle, and sad as I was, I couldn’t even begin to imagine what my aunt or cousins were feeling!

I know time will be changing all of that “good fortune.”  Losses are going to come more often, and they’re going to hurt a whole lot more.

Now–with this _man_opause thing–and cryin’ like a girl just over the thought of it, I don’t know what I’ll be like, or what I’m going to do when the thought no longer is just a thought.

So, it’s been a day since I entered that last paragraph, and that crying jag has passed. In looking over what I’ve written, it is rather vague in terms of what I’m expecting or looking for with respect to replies. However, if you’ve read this far, the post has served its intended purpose and that was just to share some stuff about me, and of course about my better-half–and now, it also allows me to express my deepest appreciation to everybody--staff and members alike, because in reality, without you, I wouldn’t be here! :clap2:

Aside from the intended purpose of this post, the bonus without a doubt is in the replies to it, and what comes with them–who you meet, and what you learn.

So feel free to post a reply--whether it’s something about you or yours, or maybe some advice or thought on what to do or expect down the road, or anything you feel is noteworthy.

Remember…The keyboard is mightier than the pen and the sword!

[gaypraha2]

wow.. I can't say much nor advise you because honestly I have no idea what you could do. All i can tell you is that it seems your life up to now was great. lots of people dont even have that. Maybe that can somehow comfort you.. . Thanks a lot for sharing it with us.

[brianboru72]

That's a lot you've shared there, Ellis. Thank you for giving a deeper insight into your circumstance and how things have been going so far.
As gaypraha2 said- your life has been great, and many people don't even have that.

It's good to recognize how lucky you've been- to have not one but (if I understand it right) at least 2 significant long term relationships that have lasted longer than some marriages I know of. I would suggest you take comfort and solace in that knowledge for the inevitable sorrows that lie ahead. Inevitable because that's how life goes- if you follow a story long enough, there can only be the painful partings that come with the end of a lifetime. We all will have to come to terms with that, each in our own way.

I just watched Lars and the Real Girl- thanks to you- since I never heard of it and never would have even looked for it if not for your posts about it here. The story moved me because it ultimately spoke about letting go of certain things- fear of loss for one- and the good thing that comes with facing your fears is that you grow as a person- and in the end, that's what life is really about.

Honestly, I envy what you've got-my longest relationship to date lasted 7 years, and then we parted as friends but the pain of loss is still there. I find this part of my journey, solitary as it is, rewarding in its own way. I will definitely try again in the future- and even if marriage isn't possible in my country- I want something that will last a lifetime.

In closing- as it says in the quote at the bottom of this page- life is short- tell everyone you love how you feel, while they are still there to hear it. And even if life is scary- don't let it stop you from living. Cheers!