Valentine’s Question: could you give it all up?
leatherbear last edited by
February 12th, 2010
_ And after all the boys and the girls that we’ve been through,
Would you give it all up, could you give it all up, if I promise boy to you?
- Lady Gaga, Speechless_
This Sunday is St. Valentine’s Day, a time for romance and love. And, perhaps, a time to reflect on the value of your relationship.
In a recent post, we analyzed the claims made about how half of gay marriages are not monogamous and found that the sample was not adequate to tell us anything whatsoever about gay marriages. But it did engender a lengthy and heated discussion about the prevalence of monogamy in the community. And various positions were argued from the perspective of the experiences of those opining.
As we saw, while the readership at Box Turtle Bulletin is very diverse, many readers experienced a very emotional connection to the commentary. Several shared their own relationship structure.
Which got me wondering: is your own perspective on monogamy set in stone? If your beloved came to you on Sunday and asked you to change your agreement, how flexible could you be?
If you strongly believe that an open relationship is healthier and that outside sexual release keeps you stronger, could you give it all up to please the one you love? And if you think that a relationship built on monogamy and fidelity is sacred and smart, how would you react to your Valentine if they expressed a desire, or even a need, to have extra-relationship experiences?
(Please be courteous to others and as respectful of their choices as you wish them to be of yours.)
My man told me He would always come back to me no matter what outside affairs he had; and that he did until the day he died.
I knew he needed more than I could give him. That was a disappointment, yes. But I somehow learned that by accepting him totally and unconditionally I achieved an ultimate bond with him that I shared with no one else.
Of course I had the same freedom to have outside relationships but I was too completely satisfied to bother with more than a few
occasions of curiosity/fantasy.
I never dreamed, at the beginning of my adult life, that I could possibly stray from the monogamous model I learned in my youth and I was determined more than any of my contemporaries to adhere to.
I'm grateful that this wonderful love I found liberated me from the constraints of predefinition in a relationship. That is why I don't believe gay people should imitate or even compare their personal relationships to those that exist in the heterosexual world.
fresnopup got his
Hope you all get yours too!
no lol ::)
I couldn't be in an open relationship. That's just not me.
I think polygamy is a very interesting thing to examine deeper, especially in terms of biology and law.
I'm basically a monogamous person, but wouldn't mind having more than one cuddly toy in bed. Outside of bed, especially in the romance part of 'sexuality = romantic and sexual feelings', more than one person to focus on seems very hard. It is completely natural for us to feel more for one person than we do for another, same as a mother likes one of her children more than the others. Socially this is unacceptable, but it is reality.
So, in a relationship where there is more than one person involved, you're bound to like one of the guys more than the other(s). This makes for a third wheel, or a whole bunch of third wheels (according to the amount of men in the relationship). It seems like an unpleasant state to be in, not just as the third wheel, but also coming to terms with your desire for one over the other - feelings of guilt and betrayal.
It might be a social thing, or a natural thing; but I don't think humans are capable of being in love with more than one other human being at the same time. Or at least not feel equal love for more than one person. Basically, I know a whole lot of men I'd like to have as a partner, but each is different, I crave each at possibly different times because they each have different qualities (including different personality's). So in order to not be a consumer product and not be a consumer of those, I try to find the guy that fits me most. It seems fairer than to give time to different guys whenever you need their specific quality.
It's like taking the best out of each telecom provider: low cost, high service, great phone, etc. but not give them a full subscription in return. It doesn't work that way, all men have downsides and will want a partner to be there for them at such times as well. Polygamists are the cafeteria Christians of sex.
But like I said, this would be a very interesting thing to do research on. Any scientists out there?
I think mister DAB is very eloquently right
Honestly, I've fantasized about having multiple partners. But when i'm with my bf, (even just online) what i experience totally blinds me to all else so i guess it was just a passing fancy, or saved for when i watch porn hehehe.
So the answer is no. But no offense intended to those who say yes. Or maybe… some day we'll be okay with a group thing, but not likely.