Can anyone give some advice?
I am a Chinese boy living with my boyfriend in harmony.
we recognized each other when he is a freshman and i am a sophomore. We have been together since then; we love each other very much. Though I graduated this year,I find a job near my university so we can meet very week.
Everything seems to be going on well, but i am gettin worried about our future.
In China,we are supposed to get married with a female , render a child and live with my parents. Then it means we cannot live with each other for the whole life.
Especially I am working now,my parents keep calling me to find a girl friend. I am really get bored. but i cannot tell them the truth because they will be heart-broken if they know i am a gay.
I love my boy friend as well as my parents.
could some one give me some advice about what i should do?
I am really boring~~~ :'(
i understand its something you need to think about,
im not sure what the law is there so i can not comment regarding the law,
you will find in most cases parents do not like the idea but after time they come around to the idea.
i never spoke to my dad for almost 2yrs but he is fine with it all now.
it is something you have to think about deeply and make your own mind up weather you should talk to them about it or not,
you could try dropping hints in front of them to help break the ice on the convo.
i hope all goes well for you and make sure your not forced in to telling your family you will know when the time is right.
my parents are really traditional.
though there is no law to enforce one guy marry with a girl; but it is considered to be not kind to your ancestry in Chinese culture.
So i am always thinking about this , and havnt figure out yet…
kazaafrk last edited by
In China, as well as the rest of the world (mostly), being gay is considered abnormal or "incorrect". Most parents wish they're children nothing but happiness in life. Because your parents love you they'll hopefully accept your being gay and wish you all the happiness in the world. If they don't, remember that life is too short and you should worry only about your own happiness. If being gay in China is accepted by some, find these people and surround yourself with those who would accept your lifestyle. The main thing is to make yourself happy in your situation. Don't try to please others by marrying some girl who ultimately you'll end up disappointing only to please your parents. Best of luck to you in your situation and I hope you find a peaceful and happy resolve! :)
i'm not really familiar with china and chinese laws. i'm familiar with some chinese customs and traditions but only from chinese people living in my country (which means they're no longer 100% chinese).
are gays persecuted in the place you're living in now? what kind of persecution? this is important because, even though being honest to your parents seems like the best option, this will mean crap for you. i know that there aren't that much muslims in china but do people there practice (what seems like the muslim) honor killing? can you be jailed for being gay?
if it's dangerous to be gay in your area, i guess the best thing for you to do is transfer to a more gay-friendly country with your boyfriend.
having said that, if you really love your parents, the best thing to do is to be honest to them.
i'm sorry if i can't offer you more options for now. i believe it would terribly be irresponsible for me to try and give you suggestions (some of which you might take) and not have at least a good idea about your country's treatment of gay people (which could lead to your demise).
hope this helps.
Give them the impression that you're changing girlfriends every few days/weeks. After a month or so, say you've decided not to date anyone in the foreseeable future because your life got messed up, and you need time to get back on your feet. Take as long as you need.
Sometimes secrets and white lies are all you can do…
If my 80 year old, wheelchair-bound granny knew I prefer boys, she'd just die.
As far as my parents are concerned, whenever they're gay-bashing, I'd just go along with the flow.
Unless you're planning to go back to China, you shouldn't give a damn about everyone else's opinion. If you're parents don't accept you the way you are, then it's their loss.
Otherwise, lying for years can really annoy you.