How to keep a long and lasting relationship with lots of good sex?
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Any advice?
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If you ask me, most relationships fail because one or both people develop a sense of complacency. During the courtship phase and in the beginning stages of the relationship, everything is sunshine and rainbows. The sex is great, the conversation is great, and you just think you're meant for each other. Inevitably, the ebb and flow kicks in and you become more comfortable with each other. You find out what annoys you about the other person. You fight. You may even wonder, "What am I doing with this person?"
Keeping things hot, to me, lies in never getting complacent, always staying on top of your game, always showing your man that you're the person he fell in love with. Think of relationships like a flower (I know, I know, cue Selena's "Como La Flor). When you stay on top of it, give it what it needs, nourish and love it, it can last for a very, very long time. But the second you start to ignore it, it wilts and eventually dies, and there will be nothing you can do to bring it back.
As for the sexual side of things, that just comes with the territory of everything else I've mentioned above. When you keep that spark alive, the sex is natural and it doesn't feel like something you have to do. You see him after a long day at work and all you can think is, "God DAMN, I want him right now!"
All in all, keep at it. Don't slip up. Don't neglect things. Don't let your flower wilt.
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Communicate, openly and honestly about all things. There should be nothing you're not willing and able to share with your partner. The relationships I've been in that ended were mostly due to a lack of communication. It's difficult to bring up some topics so many people just avoid them. All that does is let things fester and can turn a minor thing into a huge deal. When you are talking and the discussion starts to get stressful or a little heated, think about everything you're going to say before you say it. Ask yourself if it will come across as unkind; if there's any chance it will, don't say it.
The communication also plays into keeping a happy sex life. Understand that the sexual relationship will evolve over time and the key is to take the journey together. Discuss new things you each want to try, and try new things together. Be willing to do something that you think you might not like, only because it will make your partner happy. You may find that because he likes it, you end up enjoying it too.
There will be periods where the sex may not be as often as you like; real life has a bad habit of getting in the way of things like sex. In those situations, communication is again key, but so is understanding. You or your partner may be having a stressful time at work or with something else in life, and talking about why one or both of you might not be in the mood for a few days will allow both of your to remain confident that the sex life isn't dying, but it's just on a break. Being there for each other in those can actually make the sex even better when you do return to it.
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If you ask me, most relationships fail because one or both people develop a sense of complacency. During the courtship phase and in the beginning stages of the relationship, everything is sunshine and rainbows. The sex is great, the conversation is great, and you just think you're meant for each other. Inevitably, the ebb and flow kicks in and you become more comfortable with each other. You find out what annoys you about the other person. You fight. You may even wonder, "What am I doing with this person?"
Keeping things hot, to me, lies in never getting complacent, always staying on top of your game, always showing your man that you're the person he fell in love with. Think of relationships like a flower (I know, I know, cue Selena's "Como La Flor). When you stay on top of it, give it what it needs, nourish and love it, it can last for a very, very long time. But the second you start to ignore it, it wilts and eventually dies, and there will be nothing you can do to bring it back.
As for the sexual side of things, that just comes with the territory of everything else I've mentioned above. When you keep that spark alive, the sex is natural and it doesn't feel like something you have to do. You see him after a long day at work and all you can think is, "God DAMN, I want him right now!"
All in all, keep at it. Don't slip up. Don't neglect things. Don't let your flower wilt.
I 100% agree with this.
I lost interest in some of my ex boyfriends because of their attitude, it got to the point where seeing them made me more nervous than happy because I was just expecting when will some shit happen again - and it always happened, you just realise how some people are and that they'll never even try to change. The worst thing is when they know what bothers you, and they even admit that some thing they're doing are wrong, but they still only think about themselves and do it anyway.
I'm not saying you should totally change to the point that you don't even recognize yourself, but if you want to live with somebody you obviously have to do some adjustments, you can't expect that everybody should only adjust to you and tolerate the way you are. But unfortunately, so many people are really selfish and want to live like they're single but also have a bf at the same time - it doesn't work that way.You just have to keep trying, and I don't mean anything special, just some small gestures to make your man feel important and wanted and believe me - he'll want you too.
But also don't be too clingy, you also need to give another person some space, because if he feels suffocated by you - he'll lose interest.
There needs to be a balance - both persons need the same amount of giving and recieving. Sometimes you'll get your way, sometimes it will be the other person, but when you sum it all up it should be balanced.
Basically - don't be selfish and don't be with somebody who is, it simply won't work. -
I truly think for men, when we hear that "sex is only 10% of a relationship" if only in our thoughts we respond " yes, the first 10%" and since by definition in a gay relationship we are talking 2 men***, maybe that figure should be 20%.
If the sex is great, we will overlook A LOT in our partners. However, if the sex is just OK and/or way too infrequent by our standard or desire, squeezing the toothpaste tube incorrectly can suddenly become a hanging offense!
It is a mistake to think sex is only important the first year of a relationship or "it's only natural that it lessens over time". Maybe for women (some if not most), but certainly not for men! In 90% of heterosexual relationship, it's the woman who is the "gate keeper" of the couple's sex life. One needs to look no further than expressions like "pussy whipped" or "get lucky tonight" or the ancient but always relevant, "not tonight, I've got a headache" to see this is so. It's a more than rare occurrence for the wife to angrily leave the bedroom to go sleep on the couch because she wants sex and her husband is "not in the mood"! Additionally rare is the husband who is no longer interested in sex with his wife because she had a baby. I know this happened with Elvis and Priscilla Presley and as odd as he was he's probably not the only one with this "condition".
It is also a mistake to use "straight" relationships or marriages as the blue print for ours. Yes there are many aspects of relationships that are universal and non-gender specific, but it is equally true that relationships with two men or two women*** present situations both positive and negative that are unique. For 90+% of "straight" couples there is never a "discussion" about whether one is a TOP, bottom or versatile, something essential for two men as it's not only essential for sex, but it sets a "tone" for many of the other dynamics in the relationship.
So to sum it up more succinctly, a good sex life is an indispensable part of a happy relationship!
***I chose to address gay male relationships in this post because lesbians and lesbian relationships are a whole different universe from gay men.
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Never say no
