Dealing with homophobic friends
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hei, what would you do, if your close friend (he didn't know that I'm gay btw), apparently homophobic. and hates gay, would you tell him? just keep distance with him? or any other suggestion?
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It depends on the circumstances really. The first question I would ask is Would I be in Danger if I told him I was gay? If the answer is Yes then I would distance myself from him. I would not want that person in my life and shouldn't have to hide who I am because he is afraid.
If the answer is no I would tell him, see if he can accept me for who I am and maybe cast aside his jaded views. If he can't? Well it is his loss not mine, I don't want someone like that in my life.
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I've seen people who are deeply homophobic usually have issues with their own sexuality. Like Mattb said, if telling your friend would put your life in danger, then I wouldn't do it and just distance myself. If it doesn't, I would tell him.
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Well if he is a real close friend, it kinda would eat you up not to say something… and be lying by omitting from him something that is kind of important, again how stable is him, what is he battling inside and is he ready, is it the time? If any is off and he is someone agressive it might get ugly... if you are sure, and I stress SURE that he is not the type to get angry and offended go ahead but plan it out, make it in your ground not his, at a place where you know some other persons that care about you might check if things are ok... if he rejects you it's life, and he was not a true friend, that is a fence he himself has to bring down ... not your problem.
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Thank you for all of your suggestion i really appreciate it.
I think my biggest problem is in myself, somehow I'm just too afraid to lose someone, get another rejection in life, but sadly, i have to face it anyway. Thank you!
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Some homophobes become allies ;D
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bad
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i just keep distance
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get new friends.
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Friend in need is a friend in deed, if he is a real friend hi will support you.
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If they dont support you that means they are not your friendds.I try to keep distance
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Friend in need is a friend in deed, if he is a real friend hi will support you.
yeah, that discribes the shortest way
absolutely on point -
The most homophobic men I have ever known in life, turned out to just be secretly worried about being a homosexual themselves. Whatever your friend's deal is, his hateful rhetoric is not healthy for ANYONE to be around. Cut him loose, and move on with your life. He's got issues to deal with himself before he can be anyone's true friend.
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In my opinion, having friends that you consider homophobic when you yourself are gay is very toxic and damaging to your self esteem. I know it's tough, but you have to consider how close you really feel to him, and if having him as a friend is worth it. In my life, one of the best things I did for myself was filtering homophobic people out of my life. You have to either come out to him, or let him know that you don't want to hear homophobic language and sentiments. It will become clear whether you should remain friends with him or not after that.
I'd say you have a couple options next time he says something homophobic and you're in a situation to actually talk (meaning no other people around to make you both feel uncomfortable): A) Say or imply that you don't have a problem with gays or being gay, and see what his response is. B) Ask him WHY he feels that way about homosexuality, and see what his response is. C) You could always just come out to him, but that may be too much at once for the both of you. I'd save this for after you have probed him a little more.
Wouldn't a real friend accept you for who you are, regardless of his prejudices? For all you know, he could be struggling with it himself, as others have suggested. While that's not guaranteed, if he IS struggling with it, you could be doing him a favor by discussing the issue openly with him. If he's simply never been exposed to gay people in his life, you're still doing him and yourself a favor by discussing it–if he really likes you as a person, he'll try to understand you rather than shunning you. If you don't feel safe talking to him at all about it, I'd just try to find other friends--ones that you know won't have a problem with you being gay.
Again, I know it's tough, but think of it as you giving yourself permission to be accepted. You should not have to put up with someone talking negatively about you, directly or indirectly. You deserve to surround yourself with people who know all of you and accept all of you. In order to avoid rejection, you must first accept yourself, and put up with no less from others.
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omg almost the same for me. I had a pretty homophobic girlfriend (girl who is a friend)
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i say tell him, if he cant handle it, then he was never meant to be your friend in the first place
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As long as you don't feel you would be in danger by doing so, I say tell him. I recommend finding a non threatening place to tell him as well. If your in college, your dorm room is not a good place to have this conversation. I've had friends in the past who were slightly homophobic tell me that me coming out to them and then hearing my story actually made them think the issue over and gave them a different perspective and now they are great GLBTQ allies. Whenever possible I think it is our responsibility to educate people on how we're just like everyone else and just as deserving of respect as anyone else. If it works out, be prepared for 1. Your friend either to be super sensitive in trying not to offend you, 2. Your friend continuing to make homophobic remarks without realizing it. 3. Your friend completely ignoring your sexuality, or 4. Your friend to think your coming out to him because you have feelings for him. For 1. you'll want to let your friend know you don't want them walking on eggshells around you and you'll be honest if something does offend you and be open to discussing it. For 2. you need to be patient and explain what the homophobic remark is litterally saying i.e. 'that's so gay for that's so stupid/feminine/uncool is not just a saying but a method to belittle gays and make being gay synonymous with something undesirable', how it makes you feel, and how it could make other who overhear feel 'good place to quote that GLBTQ teens are at extremely high risk of suicide and being exposed to intolerance increases that risk. For 3. you really have to get it through your friends head that taking an interest in your dating/love life does not mean that your going to start blabbing about your sex life and talking about giving blowjobs and anal sex. 4. Tell your friend to get over himself, just like he doesn't find every girl attractive, you don't find every guy attractive, and just like he, i hope, doesn't force himself on women, you do not force yourself on men.
Best of Luck, Let us know how it goes !
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yeah definately good luck man, hope it turns out great!!
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I had some homophobic friends until I realised they were not actually my friends.
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if he is ur best friend, he will understand
if he doesnt understand ur situation, well, time to dump him… lol
