Lube / Mental block
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Hey guys,
I have a question I've been thinking about putting out there for awhile. It is health related, but I decided to post here because I think it has more to do with my mental state and my relationship than an actual health concern.
Here's some background: A number of years ago I had a particularly aggressive BF who fucked me so many times one day that I developed a small tear, which turned into an anal fissure. Let me tell you, the following month was miserable. I completely recovered and didn't have anal sex for several months following the event, out of fear. Moving forward, I luckily got over that issue and have had a healthy sexual relationship with my current BF for a number of months now. Our cycle varies, but he fucks me roughly every day or every other day. He always tops.
My question has to do with LUBE - my BF tries to avoid lube at all costs (he says it ruins the sensation for him). Before intercourse I generally blow my BF and then he'll rim me sometimes, then we go at it, just using the spit that has built up. We've been doing it this way, without lube, for months now without any major complications so far. However, in the back of my mind I am concerned that I'm making a mistake and that I might get hurt again. I don't know if this is just some mental issue I need to work through or if it is actually just common sense telling me that I should start insisting that we use lube. I brought it up a few times and he seems to dismiss it, saying that so long as we use a lot of spit and I tell him if it starts hurting then we'll be fine.
So long as I am not actually hurt it should be fine, right?
-A nervous bottom
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I'm not really sure how to answer this other than to voice my concern that he dismisses your concerns so easily.
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I can only agree with raphjd's concerns for such a dismissal of your feelings in this. Lube is essential ~ you just have to find one that he does like. I agree with some lubes just ruin the sensations but that does not make it unnecessary, especially for the bottom.
Check out this thread for some ideas about lubes, I have added my thoughts on this subject there.
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Just adding support in a short and concise way.
What about… No lube, no hole to fuck? Come one...
He needs at least respect your feelings. -
On the topic of finding a lube that doesn't work, there is one in particular I've learned to fall in love with… It's available from
hxxp://www.treasureislandmedia.com/
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I had an anal fissure once too… :-[
I've recovered since, and did love un-lubed sex with my ex. I don't think "added" lube is essential in preventing another tear; instead, one just needs to go extra easy in the beggining. A fissure isn't caused by friction but by the sphincter muscle resisting to relax.
Avoid caffeine, dairy, citric acid, and dairy. It helps
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Avoid caffeine, dairy, citric acid, and dairy. It helps
Ugh. A life without coffee, cheese, and citrus-based cocktails is not a life I want to live!
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i would say drink plenty of water and make sure you have lots of fiber. that should help. and yes, insist on the lube.
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Tell him to suck it up and use lube. It doesn't change the sensation THAT much.
By the time you feel pain, the damage may have already been done.
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Ummmm….I feel like I'm missing something here.
So the b/f wants to use spit as a lubricant - not lube as lubricant. Hmmmm.
And the difference is what precisely?I would have thought that constantly stopping to spit would be something of a distraction during fucking; whereas professionally lubricated parts allows for a much better time….
So what am I missing here?
Maybe he has some kind of Spit Fetish.
But I hope that he'd share that with you, and not just assume you'd comply.Trying not to judge your boyfriend, but finding it difficult......
Surely he doesn't think that it's all about him….does he? -
If using a condom, do yourself a favour and use lube. The only time that spit does anything different is when barebacking. In that case, spit actually creates a much more intense feeling that can drive both parties involved absolutely wild. That's really the only difference.
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I know I'm a little late to this party, but I have a suggestion that might at least be fun to try…
The Bottom Condom
(usually called "The Female Condom", but that's because the marketing people just don't have a clue…)It's been some time since I've heard of these, but expect them to still be out there. Basically, it's thin, plastic, and stays with the "receiver". It's put in place before activity starts, and part of it remains outside, appearing (as some have said) like a welcoming flower, ready to guide your partner home. They are non-latex, compatible with just about every lubricant (not that I'd recommend automotive axel grease!), and generally have superior heat and mechanical transfer characteristics, thanks to a thinner material. Since things are in place before action gets started, the lube has a chance to heat up to body temperature (which might be one of the reasons for the objection), and they come pre-lubricated with an ample amount of slippery stuff. The only additional preparation you might want to consider is removing the internal ring, which was made to go around a cervix, something most people here just don't have.
Failing all else, it should be good for a fun evening, and since it can be in place before things get started, or even revealed, there's also a surprise aspect available. They are large enough to accommodate almost everyone, and deep enough so you won't be umm… "bottoming out" with them (again, unless your partner is built like an elephant).
Worst case, you will have a new toy for the evening. Best? Use your own imagination!
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Dude, no matter what… USE LUBE! The micre-tears it can create internally can become an issue in the future... INSIST on it.
If not, there are some lube caps, you put them inside your anus, and they will melt and lubricate your insides. You put 1 or 2 inside 20-40mins before going at it and he won't even notice it's lube.
Here are some:
hxxp://www.lubrin.nl/contents/en-uk/d4.html
hxxp://www.shytobuy.co.uk/lube-in.html
hxxp://www.condomsaustralia.com.au/wet-stuff-silicone-bodyglide-lubricants-capsules-p-1850.htmlI'm sure you'll get the idea... the rest is up to you.
