First time: advice and opinions
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Hi,
My name (on the site at least) is warped. I'm 18 and I'm a freshmen in college. I'm just now getting introduced to the gay community thanks to my amazing Fairy GodMother. He's awesome in every way, and we click on just about everything…...except my first time. Growing up in a little one-horse county named Wakulla county, there weren't many other gay people. So, I haven't had a boyfriend, haven't kissed, or even cuddled. So I may have a slightly romantacized view of things. But, my FGM says that my first time shouldn't be with someone that I'm in a relationship with. He says that it should be with someone that I don't plan on dating, because I'll end up getting feelings for them, and possibly falling in love, and it's likely the feeling won't be returned. But I disagree. I want my first time to be with someone that I care about, I don't just any guy fucking me. I want it to mean something. And I want it to be special.
My question is: should I listen to my FGM and NOT wait to be in a relationship, or should I?
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There's pros and cons to both sides. I can only speak from my own personal experience. I knew I was gay at a very early age, but I never acted on it until after I graduated from college. I was 24, and one night I just thought, "Enough waiting. I'm going to lose my virginity tonight!"
Long story short- it ended up being a disaster, but I don't really regret it. Sometimes you discover what you WANT by doing something wrong so you know what you DON'T want. Life is a series of experiences. You can 'know' something intellectually, but until you actually 'experience' it, you can't plan on how you will react. It's not what happens to you- it's how you deal with it that shapes your life.
Just protect yourself from STDs and don't let anyone pressure you into doing something that doesn't feel right. You deserve happiness- we all do. That's why we're here. But sometimes you have to wade through a bunch of horseshit to find it. grin
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Frick! That's not a very reassuring story O.o. Was it so bad because you didn't really know the person, and they weren't gentle? Or what?
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haha… don't get freaked out. It's just ONE story out of many. I'm sure you could find countless examples of guys whose first experience was wonderful.
You also have to remember- I was determined to lose my virginity. I had no interest in 'romance' or 'love'. I just didn't want to build it up in my head any longer, so I went out to have the experience. If you want to wait until you find someone you're interested in as a person, and develop feelings for, then I'm sure you will have a much better time. However- with age I've come to realize that when you put limitations on what you think should happen, then you will always be disappointed because life will always move in its own direction. When you open yourself up to more possibilities, you have a greater chance of being satisfied.
For example- I went through a phase where I only dated guys who were physically much bigger than me (and preferably older). You could call it a 'Daddy-complex'. I was working at a bar, and I started talking to this guy who was sitting there and we hit it off and at the end of the evening I gave him my number, and when he stood up to leave, I realized he was actually a bit shorter than me. (I hadn't seen him come in.) My first thought was, "Crap. I hope he doesn't call me...", but he did, and we ended up dating for quite awhile and to this day, he's one of the best 'partners' I've ever had in the bedroom because we were equal in every way. But I never would have given him a chance if I had stuck to my mindset of "The man I'm going to be with will look exactly like A,B, and C..."
Trust your gut. If something feels wrong, it is. If you want to wait, then wait. There's no law that says you have to lose your virginity by a certain age, or in a certain fashion. At the same time, though, try to imagine that there's more than ONE answer to your question.
Cheers!
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It does seem like you romanticized the whole thing. Noting will ever be perfect. If you look at the stats for the hetero "let's wait til marriage" crap, they don't last very long.
As previously said, trust your gut.
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… Just protect yourself from STDs and don't let anyone pressure you into doing something that doesn't feel right. You deserve happiness- we all do. That's why we're here. But sometimes you have to wade through a bunch of horseshit to find it. grin
On that note, as bad as this may sound, do not ever take anyone's word when it comes to their "status". This comes from an unfortunate mistake I made two years ago. I trusted the wrong person, and due to a publication ban, the only thing I can say is I'm now HIV+. The worse part was that I in fact did pass it on to one individual because of the other problem. To the best of my knowledge at the time, my status was negative… Little did I know at the time that my one small lapse in judgement cost me a whole lot more in the end. Only believe it when you see it.
As for your little "situation" as it were, the only advice I can offer you is to go with what truly feels right to you. When you find the one you're destined for, you will know it.
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Well… When I had my first gay sex I wasn't virgin anymore, but I have some advices for you:
1st: Use condom, don't matter who is gonna be the lucky one that will give ya that pleasure. Don't play with your health and life in your first shoot. 2nd: Just a hook-up or a boyfriend, wait until you feel ready, calm and not anxious about the matter, and let it loose when you find someone you're sure that will be kind and nice with you.
My first gay time was with a friend. It was nice and very special, not in a romantic/magical way, but due the fact we like each other a lot.
Both straights at the time, so you can imagine it. A lot of touching, cuddling, kissing and lube (oh god!). Oh, don't forget great doses of patience.I wish your first experience become something great, something you will feel comfortable and proud.
:hug2:
Hugs!
xoxo. -
I agree. If you get to the bed and are not comfortable with it, don't go through with it. You can always say no. At least, if the guy's not an ass.
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I agree. If you get to the bed and are not comfortable with it, don't go through with it. You can always say no. At least, if the guy's not an ass.
And if he is an ass, it probably wasn't worth it anyways
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Well… When I had my first gay sex I wasn't virgin anymore, but I have some advices for you:
1st: Use condom, don't matter who is gonna be the lucky one that will give ya that pleasure. Don't play with your health and life in your first shoot. 2nd: Just a hook-up or a boyfriend, wait until you feel ready, calm and not anxious about the matter, and let it loose when you find someone you're sure that will be kind and nice with you.
My first gay time was with a friend. It was nice and very special, not in a romantic/magical way, but due the fact we like each other a lot.
Both straights at the time, so you can imagine it. A lot of touching, cuddling, kissing and lube (oh god!). Oh, don't forget great doses of patience.I wish your first experience become something great, something you will feel comfortable and proud.
:hug2:
Hugs!
xoxo.Probably the best advise you could take.
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yeah, because even the kissing and cuddling part will go a long way in making you relax and feel… aroused. both of these will also prepare your (sex) partner to be patient in doing you for the first time, and you should both be the better for it.
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My first gay time was with a friend. It was nice and very special, not in a romantic/magical way, but due the fact we like each other a lot.
Both straights at the time, so you can imagine it. A lot of touching, cuddling, kissing and lube (oh god!). Oh, don't forget great doses of patience.So you're saying that you were once straight?
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interesting question…
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Well… When I had my first gay sex I wasn't virgin anymore, but I have some advices for you...
Probably the best advise you could take.
Thanks, Max
My first gay time was with a friend. It was nice and very special, not in a romantic/magical way, but due the fact we like each other a lot.
Both straights at the time, so you can imagine it. A lot of touching, cuddling, kissing and lube (oh god!). Oh, don't forget great doses of patience.So you're saying that you were once straight?
interesting question…
Yep! Never felt any kind of sexual thing about other guys until that time. And I can assure you both that wasn't due lack of male intimacy or some sort of bonding. I'm one of these guys with openly gay friends since I was very young. We used to take showers together, always walking arm in arm, even being naked in front of each others. As soon I discovered myself feeling also attracted to others men, I took a time to figure out what as happening, and with professional help I now understand how I feel and what drives me sexually.
I should say that I'm a little bit more sexually straight or equally attracted to both genders.
But, I'm certainly more emotionally gay… If you know what I mean.
No matter how gorgeous a man can be, if I do not feel something for him, I will not feel inclined to have sex with him. -
Trust your gut. If something feels wrong, it is. If you want to wait, then wait. There's no law that says you have to lose your virginity by a certain age, or in a certain fashion. At the same time, though, try to imagine that there's more than ONE answer to your question.
As he said: do what you feel is good for you, and don't give a shit about the other people.
Life is yours, so take good care of yourself and of your feelings.
Kisses
