Should I come out as bi or gay?
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This is a repost from another site https://www.gayteenforum.org/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=75532
Okay so I'm an 18yo male & I have no idea what label I am, let’s rant.
I’m mostly physically attracted to guys, and mostly emotionally/romantically attracted to girls.
More details: So, when I say mostly physically attracted to guys, I mean 90% of good looking, naked men, would get me turned on. And only 10% of good looking, naked women would turn me on, but not even that much. With women I have a specific type that I like. I’ve looked at women and thought they were smoking hot, but there would be very little sexual desire. I feel slight physical attraction to women, and pretty much only to women I know very well and like A LOT.
That’s where the romantic/emotional attraction comes in: I don't really look at guys in a romantic way. I have not felt romantic attraction to a guy to this date. When I see hot guys, I think ‘’Oh damn I want to have sex with them’’
To women however, I feel little physical attraction, but I think it’s like I fall in love with HER, and not her body. Like, being in a relationship with an asexual, hetero-romantical women would be perfect. Little, or no sex, but a lot of talking, cuddling, taking care of, and sometimes kissing. It’s like that’s how I want to picture my future.However, BECAUSE I’m so damn confused I feel like I’m betraying either sexes I get close to. I don’t look for anything sexual/romantical in both women or men because I feel like I’m lying tot hem, or lying to myself…
That’s why I’m a late-bloomer have little experience with either sexes. I have had to urges to have sex with men, and I’ve also had urges to kiss girls (which almost happened a few times until my mind had to interfere)Is anyone familiar with this? How should I label myself?
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I totally understand you, i'm having the same issues with myself!
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Okay, grab a coffee we are going to be here a short while.
Okay so I'm an 18yo male & I have no idea what label I am, let’s rant.
Don't. Listen, I know in modern society labels are everywhere. (Are you male or female?, what age bracket do you fit into? What earnings bracket do you fall into? What nationality are you?) In some cases they are needed to give people information that they require. That employee satisfaction survey (Something I deal with at work every year) will give you insights on how 18 to 24 year olds responded etc.
However you don't have to apply a label to every aspect of your life. I am me… so why do I need to label myself as a British 31 year old gay man who is 99% bottom. Why do I need to fit into a check box?
The simple answer is you do not. You are what you are and if people can't accept you for you just because you didn't put a label on it then they are not the type of people you want in your life.
I’m mostly physically attracted to guys, and mostly emotionally/romantically attracted to girls.
More details: So, when I say mostly physically attracted to guys, I mean 90% of good looking, naked men, would get me turned on. And only 10% of good looking, naked women would turn me on, but not even that much. With women I have a specific type that I like. I’ve looked at women and thought they were smoking hot, but there would be very little sexual desire. I feel slight physical attraction to women, and pretty much only to women I know very well and like A LOT.
That’s where the romantic/emotional attraction comes in: I don't really look at guys in a romantic way. I have not felt romantic attraction to a guy to this date. When I see hot guys, I think ‘’Oh damn I want to have sex with them’’
To women however, I feel little physical attraction, but I think it’s like I fall in love with HER, and not her body. Like, being in a relationship with an asexual, hetero-romantical women would be perfect. Little, or no sex, but a lot of talking, cuddling, taking care of, and sometimes kissing. It’s like that’s how I want to picture my future.However, BECAUSE I’m so damn confused I feel like I’m betraying either sexes I get close to. I don’t look for anything sexual/romantical in both women or men because I feel like I’m lying tot hem, or lying to myself…
That’s why I’m a late-bloomer have little experience with either sexes. I have had to urges to have sex with men, and I’ve also had urges to kiss girls (which almost happened a few times until my mind had to interfere)You are 18, you are at that age where you have just become an adult and its a journey of self discovery. I had no idea what I wanted at 18. (Besides world domination…Joke). Go with the flow, be honest to yourself and others. If you meet a man and its just sex then call it that, be upfront and honest with them. You go on a few dates with women then go on some dates. You will figure it out naturally, it means putting yourself out there. Perhaps if a man asks you on a date go on a few and see how it goes. Same for with a woman, go on those dates see how it goes. You have that desire to kiss a woman, go for it and don't let your head get in the way. Something is going to click, it might take a few months it might take a few years but you will understand exactly whats natural for you. If you close your mind to the possibilities all you will do is limit yourself.
I was not the same but had a similar sort of situation at a younger age. I thought I didn't have that emotional attachment to men or women. For me I had a sexual desire towards men so thats all I did. I had a few good fuck buddies. I had one fuck bud that Id been having sex with for 2 years, he went away for 6 months with work and I missed him so much it hurt... thats when I realised I had feelings for him and everything changed.
Sometimes as humans we over think things... dont overthink it and the answer will come.
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Considering what you wrote in the OP you're describing yourself as a bicurious man, but then again, I read the age and I must wonder, why are you being so afraid? You're still young, you've got the whole world in front of you to discover and live, do what you feel is right for your well-being and your happiness. Try to go on a date with a man and feel if you like it or not, same goes with women.
You're the only one to figure out, it's all up to you, you're not going to find an easy answer here because this kind of experience is so personal that an advice from a stranger like myself would result wrong
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You shouldn't worry too much. You're still 18. I remember when I was 18, and I had similar thoughts. I was even planning to never have gay sex or gay relationships. But actually, what you need is time, not tags. With time, you'll eventually learn what you really want in life, whether if that's women, men, none or both. Also, don't feel pressured to come out as a tag. Enjoy your youth, experiment, see what works for you, have fun, get your heart broken, USE LOTS OF CONDOMS, and life will, uh, find a way.
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most discreet macho gay are having the same issues..u are not alone
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As others have said, experimenting/putting yourself out there is your best shot at figuring it out as well as reflecting a bit on what your experiences made you feel.
In my case I'm definitely a homoromantic homosexual male. However for some 10 years I agonized over if I'm actually bisexual or not because I never had a sexual encounter with girls even though I knew I could appreciate the female figure.
The clincher moment for me (even though I've had oral sex several times with males) was when I took a shower with my best friend's girlfriend. I had joked we should shower together after swimming because I felt I was gay and she surprisingly agreed. I looked at her and she was very beautiful but my body didn't react in the slightest.
Perhaps thats a poor example but that experience allowed me to completely affirm that I both love and would sleep with men at least 99% of the time. I still allow for the fact that it is possible that there may be a woman out there I'd go for since I've seen some masculine looking ones that I would check out at the very least.
