Porn pet peeves and perverse pleasures
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Tell us what annoys you in your pornographic viewing, and also what is porn doing right for you. I'll start with my grievances ...
Bad advertising. We discussed this in another thread, started by someone trying to spread the joys of pussy porn. If you're going to spam porn viewers with links, make sure you're not promoting lonely lesbians and dirty MILFs to faggots watching twinks inseminate each other. If you must interrupt my viewing, let me know about some hot site I didn't know where guys are getting dirty with each other.
The obsession with money shots. Speaking of insemination, I'm much more fond of natural sexual climaxes. I don't know about you guys, but when I'm getting fucked up the ass, the guy doesn't stop right as he's about to cum and pull out and use his hand to jack off and paint my butt cheeks with his sperm. Without fail, he's pumped his semen deep into my ass. And that's how I like my sodomy on screen, even at the risk of not getting to see the cum shot. I'm not opposed to seeing sperm fly from a pulsating cock. I like watching jack-off videos with cute hung guys, but for anal and oral I much prefer a natural climax — here it's the bottom's mouth or ass that makes the top cum, not the top's hand. In the best scenes, the tops are very verbal and tell you they're coming, you can see their balls and cocks pulsate. Maybe a little cum drips out of the ass or mouth as evidence, but the less wasted the better. I don't need to see the cum to believe it. I know some people are rightfully wary as some studios are known to fake cum shots, but honestly I still find those scenes hotter if they're even remotely believable than an ending where a guy pulls out and wastes half his load on the floor or some sodomite's back.
On a related note, I'm most annoyed when porn clips are misleadingly labeled. Scenes will claim to be breeding when they are more likely pull out/jack off to cum (I'd label those creampies if the guys push the cum back inside after). Similarly, you piss me off when you claim your slut is swallowing something and it's a guy pulling out and giving a facial and wasting all that good cum (or a guy pissing in someone's mouth but the fag lets it all drip to the ground). Spitters are quitters.
Bad plot development. I totally love gay porn with a plot. I don't mind a lack of plot, but if you're going to do it do it right. Spend 30 minutes developing the story before we get the action. The problem is 95% of the time they come up with a decent set-up, then don't know how to transition to the sex smoothly. They immediately drop the plot and just become a full-on porn video. The "Next Door" series is the worst. They have a few that are good, but most of the time they'll come up with a believable premise then throw it away after 5-10 minutes. Also, if your video is about a gay boy trying to seduce his straight friend, the straight friend is not going to want to start with kissing. But they always have these straight guys going right to making out. If you want to make it believable, the first thing a homo does with straight bait is suck their dick. Kissing is the last thing they want to do. On the flip side, some can go on too long with the plot. Those videos of shoplifters getting caught, forcibly stripped then given the choice of erotic favors or jail are quite hot, but they often have 5-10 minutes of repeated dialogue and pauses.
Meta porn/director's off-screen narration. This is particularly bad with mutual masturbation videos. I love the idea of straight guys jacking off. But they ruin it immediately when they have the director talking to them about how they're doing it because they need the money. What's the fantasy in that? How about two straight guys watching a video and being overcome with desire and having to pull their dicks out? How about a gay persuading his straight roommate to bust a nut together during COVID lockdowns?
Lack of identification of actors. How many times are you watching a hot video with multiple guys, find a hot guy but then are left wondering just who that was so you could look up more? I love nasty videos like SketchySex with seemingly random orgies, but I wish they'd caption the actors when they come on screen.
Porn sites letting credit card processors censor content, such as OnlyFans blocking kinks such as watersports, public sex, etc.
What's right in porn?
Amateurs and DIY: OnlyFans and PornHub amateurs are much better at providing believable cum conclusions with proper breeding and swallowing.
Studios that do mainstream and porn versions of a film. As I said, I like storylines so something like the short film "Underwater" has a mainstream subject — albeit aided by ample nudity — of hot lads at a British swimming academy. They even engage in a little of my beloved Soggy Biscuit. Then you can see the full contest and some related sodomy in the XXX version.
Cumshot recaps at the end of a full movie. Even better if they have a second cumpilation in slow motion.
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I am totally with you on the obsession with cum shot "locations"... WHAT TOP chooses to pull out, and spin the bottom around sou can give him a facial - often one that's more like an "ear-full" ... geeze people (directors) - porn is FANTASY! Who fantasizes about "finishing off" a great fuck with a jerk-off and a facial? (Maybe the tops are just SO BAD they can't cum from anal sex? And they NEED the scene cut?)
But ESPECIALLY with you on mislabeled content:
- Breeding means cumming INSIDE an ass - not ON, OUTSIDE, or NEAR the ass, and DEFINITELY not pulling out and giving the grimacing bottom a facial he's clearly NOT wanting!
- Creampie means cumming ON his ass, then shoving his cock BACK inside him... NOT cumming on his ass and then heading off to the showers!
- flip-flop does NOT mean the bottom takes a dick on his back and stomach! It means both guys top and both guys bottom, dammit-to-hell!
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@martin526 & bi4smooth I agree with what's been said above, especially the "pulling out before you cum" stunt.
One peeve of mine is bored actors. I realize that it's a paying job, and one actor might not be turned on by another actor...but hey, guys, you are acting. Act like you're enjoying it even if you aren't, but don't overdo it.
Then there's lack of communication between actors. Yes, we know that the reason you switched from doggy style to missionary is because the director told you to. But again, it's acting: Have the bottom say, "I want to try it on my back."
Also, let's be creative: It seems that 90% of the time the bottom sucks the top's cock first, and then maybe the top reciprocates before they start fucking. How about switching it up more 50/50 so we can be a little surprised at the outcome (so to speak). While top/bottom identification can be obvious from the start when there's some "macho" guy paired with an effeminate twink, if it's two Fratmen-type guys, leave us in suspense for a while.
On a more general level, these problems don't occur as much in purely home-made porn. The lighting and camera angles aren't as good, but real people having real sex often make better videos than the "professionals." Maybe the pro directors need to get laid more often.
